Judgment day

I was reading an article in "People" magazine about women who were secretly alcoholics because they felt it made them more secure about being mothers. One woman even said that she drank because she felt all the other mothers she knew were better than she was. I also saw this note on PassiveAggressiveNotes.com. Both items brought me back to when I read "Goodnight Nobody" by Jennifer Weiner. It started off by sharing the insecurities of a mother based on her thought that the other mothers she saw in the park had it more together than she did. It probably wasn't the best choice for me to read as a brand new mother, but it also affirmed to me that I shouldn't have to feel so insecure in my own parenting.

There are about a million parenting books, manuals, websites, articles, etc. about how to raise your kids the best way possible. I enjoy reading parenting magazines but I don't obsess over what the articles say. How did parents get by in raising their kids before the information era came around? I find it all completely overwhelming and choose to learn through experience. I went to a parenting seminar and found some information helpful, but other information was just swimming out there in space (as in, "I will never retain this or even need to use this in my parenting habits"). I got laughed at by the teacher for giving my toddler choices. Has he ever met my toddler? No!

I know that I have some shortcomings in the parenting department, but I don't expect to be perfect. I need to be firm without having to yell to get my point across. I usually end up as the "mean parent" (so I can relate to Lynnette on "Desperate Housewives"). I could have a little more patience too. However, this is for me to figure out....not the leader of a parenting seminar, not my parents or in-laws, not my friends, and certainly not strangers! One of my pet peeves is when my child is throwing a tantrum at a store and someone comes up to them to try to resolve the tantrum and look like some sort of hero. It undermines me as a parent and just gets on that one nerve that the tantrum didn't completely destroy already.

I don't tell other people how to raise their kids. I may not agree with every choice, but it's not my place to judge or show some expression of judgment. If someone wants advice, I'm glad to share what worked for me, but I don't expect it to work for everyone. All kids are different and I respect that. I just hope other people can afford to share the same respect. All I know is that the mom who looks like she has it all together may just be showing a facade. Kids are unpredictable and no parenting expert will have all the answers all the time. Everything has to be learned by experience. The true test of a "good" parent is being able to laugh off a tough day and still look forward to seeing your kids when they wake up the next morning. My kids have their moments, but I do feel like I must be doing at least something right. I just need to figure out what that is and keep doing it.

I know I promised that this blog would not be about my kids. Technically, this entry was more about me as a parent and my own convictions. I wasn't using it to brag about my kids or even share stories about them. I just wanted to clarify that fact. :)