This week Moma Rock chose the topic: What are some of your deal breakers when it comes to relationships/friendships/etc?
Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock
Moma Rock got her idea from an article I posted a few weeks ago about movies that are deal breakers in relationships, either because the offending party likes what the other thinks is a horrible movie or they don't like the other's favorite movie of all time. It reminded me of an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted's girlfriend at the time had never seen Star Wars. He made her watch episode IV and then she lied to him about liking it but told Marshall she really hated it, complete with a perfect Chewbacca impression. It also reminds me of how a friend of mine was after me for years to watch Somewhere in Time and then I finally watched it and didn't get why she thought it was so great. However, she doesn't get what's so wonderful about The Princess Bride, so we're on even footing now. The article actually starts off by talking about a couple who got divorced because the husband didn't like Frozen. It makes me glad that my husband and I both agree on not liking that movie. And I was validated this past week when another friend told me she didn't like it either and even laughed at my comparison of Olaf to Jar Jar Binks.
In general, one's taste in movies, TV shows, music, or books is not a deal breaker to me. I respect that we all have different tastes. My husband and I even went into our relationship knowing that I didn't find Blazing Saddles to be all that funny and he felt lukewarm toward Moving Violations. However, we both think UHF and Airplane! are hilarious! We also agree that The Future was probably the most ridiculous movie ever, we shut off Anchorman 2 and Paul Blart: Mall Cop early on, and we laughed until we were crying and still joke about Movie 43. And get this...he doesn't like Rent. That's okay though because I don't like playing strategy games. As far as TV goes, his love for Game of Thrones balances out my love for The Mindy Project. Yet, we also have a lot of shows we enjoy watching together, the most recent being Orphan Black.
In regards to dating deal breakers, prior to meeting my husband, I had a hang-up about voices. I love my husband's voice, but his friend who set us up had to embarrass me about this hang-up. He called him back after leaving the first message so I could hear his voice. Then he left a message saying I wanted to hear what his voice sounded like. I'm just glad that didn't faze him! This issue with voices had to do with my single days, when I'd sometimes talk on the phone to guys I met online. There were two guys that had weird voices. I'm talking extremely weird here. Like one guy sounded like a cross between Grover and Fozzie Bear. He'd also say "okay" weird. ("Oh-kah.") Then this other guy was probably 30 and sounded like he was 10. It creeped me out. When I e-mailed him after the call to say I wasn't interested, he came back with "I couldn't understand you on the phone anyway." I probably was being extra soft-spoken to sabotage the call after hearing his voice. Prior to that call, he had contacted me on a match site a few months earlier and when I saw on his profile that he was homophobic, I said it was a no-go. Homophobia is also a HUGE turn-off for me. The second time he contacted me, prior to the call, he said he would try to be more open-minded and was practically begging me to go out with him. I'm guessing most girls don't go for the 10 year-old boy voice either.
I think I am pretty lenient when it comes to friendships though. There are certain hot-button topics I will not bring up if I know they're going to cause a fight. Politics is at the top of my list. Especially with living close to DC. I just can't go there if I know it's going to rip a giant hole in my friendship. I will hide people from my newsfeed when they get all political. I just don't want to hear it, deal with it, get involved in a discussion that I know nothing about, etc. (It also bugs me when kids try to talk about politics when they have even less of an idea of what is going on.) In regards to homophobia, I have come to expect that the further to the right one is with their religious beliefs, they stand in a similar place when it comes to their feelings on homosexuality. I am not going to share my political or religious stance on the topic, but I have a lot of close gay and lesbian friends. So if you don't have anything nice to say on the topic, I don't want to hear it. Similar to politics, the topic of homosexuality is off limits if it's only going to lead to a fight. I don't post political stuff on social media because the last time I did to even a minor extent, it caused some fights and unfriending. I will "like" stuff that other people post and I agree with, but that's about it. The biggest and most ultimate deal breaker for a friendship would be if someone is anti-semitic. I know most of my friends are Jewish, but another majority of my friends are not. If anyone says anything anti-semitic to me, they can consider themselves blocked and unfriended on social media. I will not stand for that at all!
There's only one other deal breaker these days when it comes to friendships and that is related to people's kids. I can be pretty tolerant of other people's kids as long as they don't cause any problems with me (and by extension, my husband), my kids, or my home. I won't stand for rudeness, making huge messes and not cleaning them up, breaking things on purpose, going in rooms of the house that they're not allowed in (unless I've given permission in advance), and especially--most importantly--hurting my kids either physically or emotionally. The last item is the biggest deal breaker and if someone's child does that, regardless of how their parents handle it, they will have to stay home with a sitter or go to another friend's house if their parents want to come to my house. There is no excuse for it whatsoever. I have taught my kids how to treat other kids and if they ever cause such problems, they learn quickly to never let that happen again. A few years ago, I made my older son write and deliver an apology letter to a child he hit on accident once when he threw a toy. Has he done that since? You can bet he hasn't. It's one thing if the child is a toddler, but another if they're old enough to understand from good and bad behavior. I am extremely intolerant of anyone hurting my kids. I know I sound like a tough and protective mama bear, but if someone deliberately hurts my kids, you will see me grow devil horns and breathe out fire.
What are YOUR deal breakers when it comes to relationships and friendships?
3 comments:
I had no idea about your deal breaker where someone's voice is concerned! I'm with you on mostly everything you've cited. I am more lax about friends' kids picking up, because usually my kids leave messes at their friends house, too, so it's all balanced out, lol. I have to run out quickly a lot of the time and so do they, so I think it's mutual. Bottom line for me would be mutual respect. If you wouldn't want it done or said to you, chances are, it's something you shouldn't do or say to someone else. Great post!
My husband and I like watching different things too. But like you guys, there are some shows we watch together. We both enjoy Game of Thrones, Ice Road Truckers, Tyrant, and other stuff. He will NOT watch my "girly" shows like Grey's Anatomy.
A rule breaker for me is constant rudeness.
A deal breaker for me is someone who doesn't like cats. I could never have a relationship with someone like that. I agree with how you have raised your kids. Some people do let thier's get totally out of control. We were eating at an Italian restaurant last weekend and there was a big party with several small girls. they let those kids run all over the place. One grabbed the waiter's legs and the parents didn't say anything. One went and started reaching up on someone else's table. We just sat there shaking our heads with disbelief at what we were watching. But, what bothered me the most was when they kept running and I feared one would fall. Sure enough, one finally did (and face down) and started crying really loud. Me and Russ just looked at each other and I said it was bound to happen sooner or later and the father of the girl looked right at us and gave us a dirty look. Bad parenting really bothers me.
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