Mints on the pillows

Our blog project group has once again changed by one member, but I'm still calling it Blog Project 3.0. The newest member is Darwin Shrugged, a friend of Froggie's. I recently got to know her better through "52 Stories" and I look forward to what she has to say on the upcoming topics.

This week Froggie chose the topic: Family

First, read what everyone else had to share on this topic:
Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock

I've talked about my immediate family and relatives in various blog posts throughout the years. You can find them all here.

This time around, I've decided to talk about two very special family members. They're my in-laws and to keep things from being confusing, I'm just going to refer to them as Bubbe and Zadie here, since that's what my kids call them and what they even call each other around us.

I first met Bubbe when my husband and I had been dating for a few months and he was moving into an apartment in Skokie. She came to town to help with the move. Since my husband and I were already quite serious by then (and this is only two months or so into the relationship), I spent a lot of time with him and his mom that weekend. We did Shabbos together at his new apartment and sat around talking for quite a long time. She was very easy to get along with and I felt instantly comfortable in her presence. I'm sure I had my nervous moments, but things went well overall. Later that year, we came to visit her for Sukkot. My parents and brother-in-law also joined us for Shabbos dinner that weekend. It was such a warm and enjoyable experience that it led us to want to host Shabbos meals for our friends. (I also need to mention that she's an amazing cook, so I know where my husband gets it from.) One of my favorite compliments was from her friend's daughter, who told me that our Shabbos meal reminded her of Bubbe's.

I consider myself very fortunate to have a mother-in-law with whom I get along so well. You always hear those stories about women who have terrible relationships with their mother-in-laws (I'm sorry to hear it if you're in this category) and I am very thankful that mine is so great. We always have a lot to talk about whenever we're together and even find ourselves joking around. I admire her and even look to her for advice when I feel she could put something into perspective for me. And I'll always have her to thank for raising my husband to be such a kind and loving person to both me and our kids.

Zadie came into our family shortly after we got married. Bubbe met him that fall and brought him to meet us during Thanksgiving weekend. I think most of that weekend was a blur, but I remember that we all went to see De-Lovely and that we all enjoyed it. I think I even gave him the soundtrack sometime after that. He was there for the Shabbos weekends we spent at Bubbe's house within the next year, leading up to our older son's birth. I remember us all going out one night after Shabbos and how cute and youthful Bubbe and Zadie were around each other. It was fun to watch. I will admit that it took me a while to warm to Zadie overall, and I felt bad not letting Bubbe bring him out for our older son's bris. However, he was still relatively new in our lives and I was such an emotional and tired mess around that time. Plus, we didn't have a lot of space in our townhouse and I wanted to focus on just having immediate family stay over. They got to meet a few months later and he has prominently featured as Zadie in our son's life ever since. With the next two children, he was instantly involved and he even got to participate in our younger son's bris and was there to hear our daughter's name announced for the first time at shul. When our younger son was born, Bubbe and Zadie lived a lot closer because we were in NJ and they were in NYC. However, when our daughter was born, they came down to Maryland a few days later to spend that first Shabbos with us. (Side note: Bubbe and Zadie used to be called Safta and Sabba, but it got confusing for our nieces and nephews since they call my sister-in-law's parents Safta and Sabba. Bubbe and Zadie fit their personalities better anyway.)

Ever since our move to Maryland, I feel that my relationship with Zadie has flourished and become even more solid. We get along so well these days. (I wasn't always that happy living in NJ and I think that affected how I connected with people.) I make it a point to cook his favorite foods, such as garlic mashed potatoes, as well as have lots of sparkling peach grape juice on hand when he and Bubbe come to visit. I even try to find him the perfect gifts for birthdays and holidays, whenever possible. We like a lot of the same music and TV shows. And we also have some inside jokes (usually ones shared with Bubbe, as well). He's very supportive and encouraging when it comes to my blog or any other writing I do and doesn't hesitate to make that known.

Whenever Bubbe and Zadie visit for Shabbos, they do the prayer over a daughter for me. It's very meaningful and special. We also have a pre-Shabbos call every Friday (except when they're out of the country) and I make sure the kids get to chat with them too. (Sometimes my younger son hogs the phone for a while.) I like that were all at the same level of observancy. It's nice to share an immediate understanding of everything, but also to not feel pressured to do more than we're comfortable with. We have the annual ritual of spending Passover together and only Zadie knows how to cut the apples for charoset so perfectly. And on a secular level, we spend Thanksgiving together every year.

I recently went to visit them when I was in NYC for Book Expo America (BEA). I spent the first night at their condo and we went to dinner together. It felt like going to dinner with close friends, as we had so much to talk and laugh about. It was a memorable and enjoyable evening. I even sent them texts the next day so they could see all the celebrities at BEA. They came here a week later for Shabbos and I put mints on their pillows because they had joked about not having mints to put on my pillow when I visited. That's the fun side of our relationship.

I hope they'll be ready to move out this way at some point in time. Now that I've seen their lifestyle in NYC, I can understand why they'd be hesitant to leave it. I also know how much they enjoy spending Shabbos in our neighborhood and that they get along so well with our friends. I know that when they decide to move here, it will have to be on their terms, but I definitely look forward to welcoming them into our community and having Shabbos together more often. In the meantime, my older son isn't going to leave us alone until we go visit Bubbe and Zadie in NYC....