My own "Modern" family

Sometimes I only get the chance to blog once a week. And since I can't always get up the motivation to think of a topic, it's nice to have other friends to blog with so we can take turns. I enjoy being challenged to write about stuff that might not normally come to mind and also reading everyone else's thoughts on the same topic. Blog Project 3.0 has been going on for over a year, even though one of the group members changed after a few months. I love blogging with this group and I hope we can continue to inspire each other.

This week, it's each blogger's choice for what to post, so expect some randomness!

First, read what everyone else had to share on this topic. I will be only posting links to posts on this same topic from my group. So check back if you were hoping to read their blogs and don't see a link yet.

Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock

Since it's been about eight years from when my family and I first became Shomer Shabbos, I've decided to talk about some of the pros and cons to having an observant Jewish lifestyle. We're Modern Orthodox, which borders on secular in some ways. And this is only my opinion. Other people might agree or disagree and as long as they keep it friendly, I am fine with that. 

I first want to point out that if I were in charge, anyone who wanted to convert to Orthodox Judaism would be allowed to without any questions. I think the only criteria would be to spend a year being Shomer Shabbos/Yom Tov and keeping Kosher. If they can do that and still want to do it for years to come, that should be enough. 

Pros:

*Shabbos: It's the one time a week we truly get to unplug and just focus on being with family and friends. There's something so relaxing about lighting the candles and then sitting down to a meal. It says that the work of the week is done and it's time to turn off the computers, phones, etc. Don't worry about anything other than completely taking in the warmth and joy of the Sabbath.

*Making challah: I made challah even before becoming observant, but that was in a bread machine and didn't involve the effort of kneading the dough and braiding many loaves, as well as taking a piece for the Kohanim. I now use the challah making time to keep in mind people who need prayers for some reason or another. I also love when I can share the challah braiding experience with friends or with my children. And the end result is so delicious!

Challahs I made for Rosh Hashanah

*Cholent: I love a good cholent. I never would have thought to eat it before becoming observant. My husband makes amazing cholent and he's even entering a cook-off soon. Let's hope everyone else agrees!

*Going to the mikvah: Even though family purity means less hand-holding and kissing between husband and wife, there's something to be said for the anticipation of mikvah night and what comes after. I also feel like that non-physical time opens up the lines of verbal communication even more. In any case, mikvah night itself is special because women are made to feel like a bride each time they go. The prep rooms are beautiful and relaxing and the experience of dipping afterward is so physically and spiritually invigorating. I feel closest to Hashem when I'm in the mikvah and have that time to communicate with him.

*Rituals and traditions: Celebrating a simcha becomes a community event. Even when someone you don't know just had a baby or is celebrating another milestone in their lives, everyone wishes each other "mazel tov." It's all so joyous and everyone is happy being together to share in something good. I also love that we waited three years before cutting our sons' hair. It was so special to have upsherins for them. 

Stocking up on kugels at Costco

*Community: Since the goal is to live within walking distance of a Shul, it's important to find the right community with whom to attend services in the first place. The two go hand in hand. Even in a large community, such as mine, there's still a small world feel. I always see people I know at restaurants, stores, the library, etc. And on Shabbos, it doesn't matter if someone knows you or not, everyone greets each other on the way to and from Shul. I am thankful to have such a great community and I encourage anyone who decides to become observant later on to find that for themselves, as well. I also love that there was enough community support to get a Kosher bakery at the local Costco. (And the fact that they cater to the community with their meat selection and wide variety of Pesach items.)

*Purim: When else do you get an abundance of little food-filled packages? And dressing in costume in March is a nice change of pace.

Our mishloach manot "collection"

*My community is more lenient on "dress codes": I can just say for a fact that I'm not the only woman who wears short sleeves in the summer and doesn't always cover her hair. It's nice to not have those expectations where I live.

Cons:

*Timing of significant events: If people aren't Jewish or aren't observant, it's not a big deal to host an event, party, concert, etc. on a Friday night (or before sundown on Saturday) or even on Yom Tov. I've missed out on a lot of things as a result. While I don't mind missing out on my 20 year high school reunion and having Shabbat to use as an excuse, it would have also been nice for people to consider having it on a Sunday or a Saturday night in the winter. Then I could have just said no for other reasons. Jamie Cullum was doing a concert on erev Shavuot last year. Billy Joel was performing well before Shabbat ended on a Saturday night in August. Independence Day was on a Friday last year and will be on a Saturday this year. There are even simchas for family and close friends that I've also had to miss due to the timing with Shabbat or holidays. I think the worst timing of all was when Tisha B'Av and my birthday were on the same day. Most other times, my birthday still falls within the three weeks or nine days. Another time, the Fast of Tammuz was on my birthday. When I didn't know better, this wouldn't have bothered me.  My older son will have Yom Kippur on his birthday every so often. (At least my younger two get to have Purim birthdays every now and then.)

Two or three day holidays: While Israel is exempt from having a two-day Yom Tov, that doesn't seem to be the case on our side of the ocean. Sometimes, it goes into three days, if Shabbos runs up against a holiday. This year, Shabbos and Pesach are combined. For the first days, this eats up the entire weekend (so I'm glad I'm off for Chol Hamoed). Shavuot this year falls on Memorial Day weekend. It starts with Shabbat on Friday night and then launches into a two day holiday that starts Saturday night and ends Monday night. So that whole weekend is also consumed by the holiday. I'm hoping my husband is able to transfer a flame to the grill so we can have a barbecue on Memorial Day anyway. The hardest is when the fall holidays are three days each to include Shabbos, with the exception of Yom Kippur, of course. I still don't get the meaning behind why we do this and Israel doesn't. It means two Pesach seders, which is essentially two nights of the same exact routine. More time to catch up on reading over those weekends, I suppose.

The blue dates are for Shabbat, holidays, and Chol Hamoed

*Lack of Kosher restaurant options in my area: Compared to NY and NJ, where I live now is sparse when it comes to availability of Kosher restaurants. There are a few good ones, but the nice steakhouse we went to for significant events closed down a few years ago. And we just found out that a really good Asian restaurant by where my brother-in-law lives is closing down soon. The Chinese restaurant closest to us is nothing to write home about and we usually just go up by my brother-in-law to go to the good Chinese restaurant (which is, thankfully, not closing down). Otherwise, it's just a couple of pizza places and a few BBQ places. I don't get into the city to try the very few options they have. What goes along with this is that, unlike Israel, we don't have Kosher versions of fast food restaurants. I'd love a Kosher Wendy's. I still miss their burgers. I'd deal with pareve Frosty if it were made correctly. The burgers at the BBQ places are good though, so that's a plus. 

*Private school vs. public school: Aside from our kids going to a nearby Jewish preschool/daycare program, we never even considered sending them to private school after that time. Part of this is due to two of our kids having hearing loss and needing a different kind of program for their early education. The other part is that we just don't see the need for the financial investment. We both went to public school and decided to become observant on our own. We're raising our kids in a positive environment for being observant and making sure they get supplemental education. While we worry about the social differentiation for our kids, we also stay connected with our friends in the community and most of them have kids close in age to ours. This past Shabbos, one of the boys in private school invited our older son over to play after lunch. They also went to a youth program at Shul later and were talking and giggling the whole time on the way there. I went to different schools than my closest friends when I was growing up and that obviously hasn't messed up our ability to stay close. We have to consider Bar Mitzvah preparation soon. There's so much our son will need to learn in a short amount of time in order to be ready. My husband is already practicing his parasha with him all the time. In any case, I just need to get over my paranoia that people are asking me about my schooling choices for my kids in an effort to be judgmental vs. just asking out of curiosity. 

*Preparing for Pesach: Back in the day, I was proud of myself if I went a whole week without eating bread or pasta. I didn't care if the rest of the food I ate was Kosher for Passover or not. Now, just shopping for Pesach gives me anxiety. And the cereal is so disgusting. (Given that I have to stop eating my favorite cereal for a week, it's not a fair trade-off.) There's also the matter of changing over the house and then not being able to buy chametz (i.e. chocolate) from my favorite stores (i.e. Target) for six weeks after Pesach ends because they didn't sell the chametz beforehand and are owned by Jews. Again, stuff I wouldn't have thought of even when I first became observant. However, once all the prep is done and it's time for the first Seder, I feel a weight lift off my shoulders and I can finally enjoy the holiday for what it is worth. I also look forward to spending it with my in-laws and some close friends every year. And I like how excited the kids get to sing the songs and talk about some of the details from the story. My husband also makes Passover food taste as good as chametz!

Kosher for Passover crepe

There are more pros and cons than the ones I listed today, but I hope that gives you some insight to what it's like becoming observant after growing up Reform. With the cons, I'm not trying to be negative as much as realistic. And they're coming from a different place than they would from someone who grew up observant and only knows one way of life.