I recently found out about the tragic story of Phoebe Prince, a young girl who was bullied by her peers to the point where she felt she had to take her own life. I found this whole situation to be extremely sad and disturbing. From what I read, Phoebe was a naturally friendly girl and some people got jealous of her ability to grab a guy’s attention naturally and started calling her names and threatening her. I think statutory rape was involved in some way. It got so bad one day that she went home and hung herself. Apparently faculty and staff at the school knew what was going on and did nothing to stop it from happening. The least they could do was offer counseling to Phoebe to help her cope with her peers’ behavior and taunts. This situation has brought up how the issue of bullying has escalated from playful schoolyard taunts to physical abuse (such as hazing) and slander on the internet. The issue of bullying hits close to home for me as a parent and as someone who was picked on by their peers in the past.
About 6 years ago, I read a book that I was able to relate to in many ways. It was a true story by Jodee Blanco titled “Please Stop Laughing at Me...” It was her personal account of bullying from her peers. No matter where she went to school, she usually would start out popular and would make friends easily. Then she’d go against the grain of peer pressure and everyone would turn against her. She changed schools several times and it always led to the same outcome. I don’t think she ever tried to kill herself, but I know she displayed self-destructive behavior as a result. Miraculously, she came out on top as a confident adult who was able to tell her story in a way that it was nearly impossible to put down.
As I mentioned earlier, both Phoebe Prince's tragic death and Jodee Blanco's book struck chords with me...chords that would not have been struck had I not been a victim of bullying. I usually don't talk much about this because I supposedly lead such a "charmed life" nowadays, but I think it needs to be told in hopes that other people will be inspired to share their own stories and experiences. Maybe the more stories that are shared will inspire schools to mandate school faculty and staff to attend bullying prevention seminars before being allowed to set foot in a school building.
Mind you, the stuff I've heard and read about makes anything I went through pale in comparison, but it's still personal to me. I somehow managed to survive my school years and move on to college and adult life with the intention to start fresh. I think the main thing that kept me going after a while was self-confidence. It's something I've carried over into my adult life. And that didn't come into play until high school.
I started out with a lot of friends in preschool and kindergarten. Then the social circles started forming in first grade. Yes...first grade! People already knew if they fit into the popular or unpopular (i.e. geek) groups. Guess which group yours truly ended up in? :P I had friends, but some of them had split loyalties. Grade school was tolerable until the later years. The friends I had helped me weather any storms and I had my best friend at home too (my sister). I also had some other close friends outside of school. Of course, there were the mean girls who thought it was funny to ask me questions that tested my naivete about sexuality. Basically, you were damned if you said you were a virgin and also damned if you said you weren't. (Madonna's song didn't help much.) There were also boys who were just plain mean. One used to make me miserable at the bus stop every morning. (I got back at him in a subtle way during my college years...by acting like I didn't know him and then hearing from my boyfriend at the time that this guy was sending obvious signals of interest...and then making it very obvious that I was with someone.) The friends I made toward the end of my elementary school days didn't help matters much. However, I did have some friends who were destined for popularity at some point. The other factor that didn't help much was how I was super emotional about getting teased. I wore my vulnerability where everyone could see it and attack it.
When I got to junior high, I thought meeting people who didn't know my status in grade school would help, but it really didn't. The circles that were formed in grade school stuck and created monsters that sucked up the friends I had from before. (Basically, people whom I thought were my best friends decided that popularity took priority over their friendship with me.) I did make some new friends, but that proved detrimental to my social standing for the rest of junior high. There was one girl I became close with early in 6th grade and then she even turned on me because I wasn't geeky enough! She even got mad at me for a social mishap that was out of my control, but she saw no problem in making things even worse for herself and everyone in our little circle. (Basically, she got mad at me because everyone wanted me to dance--which I didn't even do at that time--in an effort to make fun of me more, but then she went and auditioned to be a cheerleader when she knew she was moving out of state soon. Then that started rumors that people thought her mom was suing the school. I was actually smug about it when people were surrounding and taunting her.) Other than that, people I thought were my friends in the beginning of the year turned on me in the typical mean girl style. I took modeling classes from Sears during that year and while I thought it would be seen as cool, I got picked on because it was for Sears. Nothing was good enough. I could buy all brand name clothes and start wearing bras and none of it would matter. My social status was set.
During the summer between 6th and 7th grade, I went to overnight camp with my BFF. That was a mistake (not about going with my BFF, just about going at all). The girls were all stuck up and made my four weeks there hellish. If I thought that being teased about not knowing about virginity was bad, having my naivete about all things sexual being ripped into made that look like a walk in the park. They were just awful and they would accuse me of destroying their property but then would see no problem in taking my towel while I was showering (and then getting mad when I got them in trouble). If my BFF had not been there, I would have gone home without even completing the four weeks. Years later, I read "The J.A.P. Chronicles" by Isabel Rose. While my camp experience wasn't as bad as the main character's, it was fun to imagine karma for all the girls in my cabin (with the exception of my BFF, of course). Two funny things that came out of this a long time later: I ended up dating the best friend of one of the girls' brother. I wonder if she ever knew about that. Also, one of the girls (who especially made fun of my naivete about sex) was at a close friend's bachelorette party and I got a high out of winning a contest where we had to answer a lot of questions about sex (factual, not personal). I don't think she remembered making fun of me back in the day, but I still enjoyed feeling smug about that.
Seventh grade was even worse. Someone told a girl I was trying to befriend that I would "ruin her rep." (This same girl who said that later was nice to me in high school.) The girls were just meaner in general. They would follow me around school and taunt me for no particular reason. Eventually, one of the gym teachers brought it to a halt. Until that time, I would hide out during "recess" and read a book behind some trees. I tried to avoid people whenever possible and hated going to school in general. Talking about it with my parents didn't help. They felt bad that it was going on, but I somehow felt I was failing them. In the meantime, I had Hebrew school and another set of obnoxious boys and girls to deal with there. I did have some saving graces though: Pen pals, a new friend from Hebrew school and V.C. Andrews books.
Eighth grade was a little more tolerable. I made a couple of nice friends (one whom I reunited and became closer with years later) but also had to deal with more mean girl behavior. I was hanging out with one group for a while when this girl decided she didn't want me to be a part of the group and wrote me a nasty letter too. I still resent her for it to this day. My saving graces this time included: knowing high school was around the corner, writing for the school paper, chorus, a nice school counselor, and gaining respect for my brains and because I tried out for the volleyball team. There was also the nice gym teacher who let me take a dance/exercise class instead of gym that year. I hated gym class, so it definitely saved my sanity. Overall, the movie "Welcome to the Dollhouse" made my junior high years feel a lot less hellish in comparison, even though I didn't get to see Eric Mabius sprawled out on a bed in my house.
High school wasn't too bad. I still dealt with my share of bullying from time to time, but I also had a lot of things that kept me going. It was easier to make friends because there was a wider pool to meet. Sure, the social circles still existed, but they were more scattered. I had speech team, which is where I gained my confidence. I also was also involved with chorus, theater, dance, etc. I did have moments every year where it was rough to go to school, but I got through it. Toward the end of my senior year, I had to deal with bullies amongst my own circle of friends. One was even disguised as a friend, but I realized later on that she really wasn't what one would call a friend. The other was this obnoxious guy who was so awful to me that I like to think his girlfriend refused to go to prom with him as a result of how he was treating me. (Why wouldn't you go to prom if you had an automatic date? I didn't have such luck.) I think I also became mean in the process of dealing with bullies through most of my life. I think it was a defense mechanism in a way. I still have times where the mean side of me comes out, but I think it has softened up over time. It's more of a protection mechanism these days. I also feel that Schadenfraude is a protective mechanism. I'd love to find out that someone who was mean to me is not doing so well in life.
Things did get better in college and even beyond. There were times I had to deal with rudeness in the working world, but no one was outright harassing me. Sometimes I wondered about peoples' intentions when they wanted to be friends (or more). I didn't join the Hillel in college because it reminded me of BBG and I didn't like most of the girls in that group. (Some of them even went to the same college as me.) There was a time that a girl I didn't like went to college with me and would prank call me with her friends. My friends and I curbed that behavior with an obnoxious outgoing message on my answering machine. I would see the same girl around my hometown and she'd act like my friend but it was so fake that it was disgusting. Last year, she tried to friend request me on Facebook and I ignored her. I don't plan to be another number for her and I don't need her knowing about my personal life. I just don't get how girls like her are married and the nice, normal girls I know are still trying to find Mr. Right. (There are other cases like this, where girls who were totally awful to me throughout junior high and high school managed to secure a spouse. I even saw one of them at two weddings a few years ago and was actually enjoying showing off my marital status at one of them...as my husband wasn't able to attend the other.) There was also a time when friends of a past boyfriend were telling him mean things about me. I even tried to reconcile with one of them but she wrote a nasty note in response.
Now that you know about my past issues with bullying (and I skimmed over a lot), I wanted to share my concerns for the future. Now that I'm a mom, I worry about bullying when my kids go to school. I worry about my kids being either the perpetrators or the victims. When I read "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Picoult a few years ago, I thought about this a lot. It was about a boy who was picked on so badly that he opened fire at his school and either injured or killed his classmates. I think he even killed a teacher. It was very disturbing because I knew it happened in the past and could happen again. I'm teaching my kids about how to be confident and stick up for themselves, but to not hurt other kids at the same time. I hold them accountable for their behavior. (Recently, my older son threw a toy at a little boy and my husband and I made him write an apology letter.) I worry more that my older son will be a victim because he's overly sensitive and he has something obviously different about his physical presence. Right now, he's in a school for kids with hearing loss and he's proud of his cochlear implant. However, I worry about how kids who never dealt with hearing loss will perceive it if he is mainstreamed. I was proud of how confidently he talked about his CI when another kid asked him what it was. He acted like it was no big deal. I just hope that confidence will stick with him over time. He's very friendly and likes to be the class clown. He loves laughing and making other kids laugh. He has a plethora of girlfriends already. I hope this all follows him throughout his grade school, junior high and high school days. He's more tuned in to kids who are different like him, and I think that will make him more compassionate overall. However, if anyone ever bullies or hurts him, they will have me to answer to and the school will have another thing coming if they don't do anything to prevent it from happening. As for my younger son, I worry that he'll be the bully. He's aggressive and likes to hit and push to make his point. We give him time outs, but we're not sure when that will sink in. He's a sweet kid otherwise and has made friends at his school already. He's very active and I could see him being the athletic one in the family. That might help him when it comes to the social circles that are probably being formed as we speak.
As for the adult world, bullying still exists. It was seen in the first season of "Ugly Betty" when Betty was being picked on mercilessly at her new job. People lightened up when they got to know her, but there were still times when she was thrown under the gauntlet. I know this is just a TV show, but workplace bullying does exist. There are managers who don't know how to treat their employees. I know people who will attest to this. And if you still don't believe me, check out "That's My Boss," a blog about bosses who don't know how to treat their employees properly. There are other ways bullying can occur in the adult world. Domestic abuse is another example of such behavior. And I'm sure that the girls in "Muriel's Wedding" aren't the only adult version of mean girls.
Overall, bullying is not something that will go away. If kids see a reason to be mean to other kids, they will stop at nothing to make someone's life hellish. I really hope schools get on the ball and work to educate and prevent bullying. I'm sure that it will be hard for them to get through those tough heads, but something does need to be done. Maybe a zero tolerance policy against bullying that would lead to severe consequences for all bullies? I don't know what it will take in order to prevent another incident like Phoebe Prince's tragic and completely unnecessary death. Keep in mind that she was harassed for being pretty and friendly. Imagine how much harder it must be for kids who are deemed by their peers as unattractive or socially inept. I like to think I came out of such a scathing experience okay and no worse for the wear, but I still have my mean (and sometimes vengeful) side. I don't forgive or forget as easily as one might think. In the meantime, I have a fabulous group of friends from all the different places I've lived and through the Internet.
Please share this post with anyone you know in an effort to explain how bullying feels for the victims. Especially before this issue escalates completely out of control in the future. If kids are cruel to each other now, I can't even imagine how much worse it could become.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
We'll always have "the Costanzas"
This week's Friendship Friday post is about P.C..
I met P.C. at Makor in 2003. I think we were placed at some meals together or we just noticed each others' presence enough to recognize one another. So when we both showed up to a bridal shower that summer, the Jewish Geography circle became even tighter. I don't remember when we knew that we went to the same high school, but that came up in conversation at some point. In any case, I always thought she was nice, but we were only at the phase of making casual conversation. We hung out at the same friend's bachelorette party and wedding, but it took a while before we became close friends.
In the spring or summer of 2004, we started e-mailing each other and I found out that she was getting a masters degree in counseling. I had intended to pursue the same for a while and asked her more about it. From that point on, we started hanging out and found out all the things we had in common. I invited her over for Shabbat meals and we'd get Chinese food together a lot. She got along well with my husband and she also loved our cat.
The following year, I invited P.C. to a Passover seder we were hosting on the first night. My grandparents also came over. I think this was the first time she met them, but she had a mental picture of them from all the time my mom and I referred to them as "the Costanzas." (We were comparing them to George's parents on "Seinfeld.") When she finally met them, they didn't disappoint and that made for a very interesting seder. There was also a point where my mom was playing with her hair because she thought it was my hair (we both had an abundance of brown curls). She got along well with my family and I also enjoyed meeting her family. The first time was at her graduation party. Her parents were so warm and welcoming that I felt I had known them my whole life. I even had my parents host a meal one evening so they could meet her parents. I just thought they would all get along so well.
We continued to stay close and she became an honorary aunt when my older son was born. She even got to babysit for him once. They totally adored each other, so it worked out well. I was sad that I wouldn't get to see her as often when we moved to NJ, but she was always around whenever we came to town for a visit. She also sends gifts to the kids for birthdays and Hanukkah. It's not expected or required, but it's such a sweet gesture and she has maintained her honorary aunt status in such a way. Soon we'll get to talk to her on Skype.
This past year, she came to visit us at our new home. Of course, she didn't expect to be snowed in the whole weekend, but we had a fun time bonding and playing with the kids. I'm hoping she'll give our town a second chance so that we can do touristy things together in DC next time she visits. I also look forward to seeing her the next time we're in Chicago. No matter how often we get to see or talk with each other, we have a great bond and I know we'll always have "the Costanzas."
Side note: We were talking on the phone the other night and she brought up "the Costanzas" at one point, which reaffirms what I just said.
I met P.C. at Makor in 2003. I think we were placed at some meals together or we just noticed each others' presence enough to recognize one another. So when we both showed up to a bridal shower that summer, the Jewish Geography circle became even tighter. I don't remember when we knew that we went to the same high school, but that came up in conversation at some point. In any case, I always thought she was nice, but we were only at the phase of making casual conversation. We hung out at the same friend's bachelorette party and wedding, but it took a while before we became close friends.
In the spring or summer of 2004, we started e-mailing each other and I found out that she was getting a masters degree in counseling. I had intended to pursue the same for a while and asked her more about it. From that point on, we started hanging out and found out all the things we had in common. I invited her over for Shabbat meals and we'd get Chinese food together a lot. She got along well with my husband and she also loved our cat.
The following year, I invited P.C. to a Passover seder we were hosting on the first night. My grandparents also came over. I think this was the first time she met them, but she had a mental picture of them from all the time my mom and I referred to them as "the Costanzas." (We were comparing them to George's parents on "Seinfeld.") When she finally met them, they didn't disappoint and that made for a very interesting seder. There was also a point where my mom was playing with her hair because she thought it was my hair (we both had an abundance of brown curls). She got along well with my family and I also enjoyed meeting her family. The first time was at her graduation party. Her parents were so warm and welcoming that I felt I had known them my whole life. I even had my parents host a meal one evening so they could meet her parents. I just thought they would all get along so well.
We continued to stay close and she became an honorary aunt when my older son was born. She even got to babysit for him once. They totally adored each other, so it worked out well. I was sad that I wouldn't get to see her as often when we moved to NJ, but she was always around whenever we came to town for a visit. She also sends gifts to the kids for birthdays and Hanukkah. It's not expected or required, but it's such a sweet gesture and she has maintained her honorary aunt status in such a way. Soon we'll get to talk to her on Skype.
This past year, she came to visit us at our new home. Of course, she didn't expect to be snowed in the whole weekend, but we had a fun time bonding and playing with the kids. I'm hoping she'll give our town a second chance so that we can do touristy things together in DC next time she visits. I also look forward to seeing her the next time we're in Chicago. No matter how often we get to see or talk with each other, we have a great bond and I know we'll always have "the Costanzas."
Side note: We were talking on the phone the other night and she brought up "the Costanzas" at one point, which reaffirms what I just said.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
To Life, L'Chaim!
I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each others' blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic choice is once again my own: What is your favorite thing about your religion?
"Friday night, always a good night for some Sabbath.... 'cause, you know, Friday? is the Sabbath....for the Jews."
This was said on "Freaks and Geeks" by Neil, in response to Lindsey wanting to play Black Sabbath at her party. At the time I heard this line, I laughed but didn't give it much more thought. It was over 10 years ago and I wasn't observing Shabbos at the time. A few years later, I was watching "The Big Lebowski" and found it funny when John Goodman's character, Walter, was talking about how he was Shomer Shabbos and that meant he couldn't bowl on Saturday. Again, I didn't give it much thought as I was going out shopping and to movies on Saturday at the time.
This brings me to my first favorite thing about being Jewish: Shabbat! I wrote more in detail about my Jewish observance history, detailing various Shabbat experiences that have led me to where I am today, which is Shomer Shabbos for 3 years. Now that I've been Shomer Shabbos for this long, I can't even imagine going back to the way things used to be.
I love all of Shabbat, but I especially look forward to Friday night. That's when we bring in Shabbat and get to relax after a long and busy week. After I light candles with the boys, we sing Shabbat songs and dance around. Sometimes they'll play toys while we wait for my husband (their Abba) to come home from mincha. Then we all gather to welcome the Shabbos Queen with "Shalom Aleichem." Next we sing a song about a dinosaur who wants to spend Shabbat with us. The kids know all the words and they think it's a lot of fun. Afterward, my husband sings Ayshes Chayil (a virtuous woman) and then we bless the kids. Finally, it's time for Kiddush and challah. I just love the warmth and all the rituals involved with Friday night Shabbos dinner. It's something I enjoyed during the few experiences I had with it growing up (aside from going to temple with my family). I love that I can share this with my husband and kids. Sometimes we have Shabbos meals with friends and/or extended family. It's so nice to share the warmth with other special people in our lives.
Being Shomer Shabbos means that we don't use technology, drive, turn on/off lights, cook, play music, etc. during Shabbat. We've started to explain these customs to our kids and are teaching them what is muktzah. We're still learning about this for ourselves in the process. In any case, it's nice to have a day reserved for peace and quiet. My husband and I spend so much time on the computer all week, and the kids rely on the TV too much for entertainment. It's nice that we have this day to be a family, when we can eat, play and talk without the external influences of noise created by modern objects from our daily lives. Sometimes we even get in a nap, which is encouraged on Shabbat. Of course, that messes up our nighttime schedule, but it's nice on a long day after a filling meal.
Would you like some cream cheese with that "bagel?"
Over the last few years, I began to hear the term "bagel" being used to refer to an action instead of a food item. To "bagel" someone means that a Jewish person goes up to another Jewish person and reveals their identity as a fellow member of the tribe in some subtle way, such as asking where the nearest shul is or saying a phrase in Hebrew. I was "bageled" the other day when a man saw me standing next to my son, who wears a kipah, and wished me "Chag Sameach." I know I have "bageled" people in the past. I don't really have to when I have my older son around, since he makes it obvious that we're Jewish. However, there will be times I'm in line at the grocery store and the person behind me has all Kosher items in their cart. I can't help but wish them a good Shabbos!
This brings me to my second favorite thing about Judaism: Community! I love that there are so many Jewish people with whom to connect. This is not just in my neighborhood, at my shul or at my workplace, but all over the world! I love that while we're lighting Shabbos candles on Friday night, millions of women are doing this at the same time. I love being able to connect about experiences, beliefs, customs, etc. I mentioned this in my other blog about Judaism (referenced in the first section), but I love that when I was in Israel, everyone knew the words to "Am Yisrael Chai" and "Hatikvah," no matter where they were from. It was such an amazing and powerful feeling to be at that convention in Israel during my Birthright trip and one of the reasons I wanted to be more active in a Jewish community when I returned home. I also love how Facebook and other internet programs have connected Jewish people from all over the world. I love that I have found friends from NFTY, Makor, Birthright, etc. and am talking to them all in one place.
I love playing Jewish Geography and seeing who is connected in the Jewish world. It has led to so many coincidences in my life (and even in my husband's life). I even met my husband partially because of Jewish Geography. When I lived in Illinois, there was a diner where I would see someone I knew (usually Jewish) every time I went there. Nowadays, I usually see a few people I know every time I go to my favorite Kosher pizza place. During our first week here, several people introduced themselves to us the first time we had dinner at the pizza place.
Another thing that ties in with this is that I love going to all Kosher supermarkets and Judaica stores. I get a natural high from seeing stores with only Kosher items (Seven Mile Market was like the ultimate nirvana for me) and I love stores that sell things that cater only to the Jewish community in general. I love the creative things they sell, such as shirts that say "Chai Maintenance" and Hanukkiahs (a.k.a. menorahs) with different themes. They have lots of beautiful artwork and interesting books and toys for kids. I think I know that in either store, it's safe to say that no one has to do any "bageling" since everyone in the store is usually Jewish.
I can really connect Shabbat with community these days. We live in an Orthodox community with several shuls within walking distance. There's a Friday night and Yom Tov mincha minyan on our street, which is nice for my husband. On Saturday or holiday mornings, there are a lot of people who walk to shul around the same time and everyone greets each other. In the afternoons, people in the neighborhood get together so the kids can play and the adults can chat. It's not uncommon for someone to just drop by later in the day. The combination of Shabbat and community is what makes me elated to be Jewish.
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic choice is once again my own: What is your favorite thing about your religion?
"Friday night, always a good night for some Sabbath.... 'cause, you know, Friday? is the Sabbath....for the Jews."
This was said on "Freaks and Geeks" by Neil, in response to Lindsey wanting to play Black Sabbath at her party. At the time I heard this line, I laughed but didn't give it much more thought. It was over 10 years ago and I wasn't observing Shabbos at the time. A few years later, I was watching "The Big Lebowski" and found it funny when John Goodman's character, Walter, was talking about how he was Shomer Shabbos and that meant he couldn't bowl on Saturday. Again, I didn't give it much thought as I was going out shopping and to movies on Saturday at the time.
This brings me to my first favorite thing about being Jewish: Shabbat! I wrote more in detail about my Jewish observance history, detailing various Shabbat experiences that have led me to where I am today, which is Shomer Shabbos for 3 years. Now that I've been Shomer Shabbos for this long, I can't even imagine going back to the way things used to be.
I love all of Shabbat, but I especially look forward to Friday night. That's when we bring in Shabbat and get to relax after a long and busy week. After I light candles with the boys, we sing Shabbat songs and dance around. Sometimes they'll play toys while we wait for my husband (their Abba) to come home from mincha. Then we all gather to welcome the Shabbos Queen with "Shalom Aleichem." Next we sing a song about a dinosaur who wants to spend Shabbat with us. The kids know all the words and they think it's a lot of fun. Afterward, my husband sings Ayshes Chayil (a virtuous woman) and then we bless the kids. Finally, it's time for Kiddush and challah. I just love the warmth and all the rituals involved with Friday night Shabbos dinner. It's something I enjoyed during the few experiences I had with it growing up (aside from going to temple with my family). I love that I can share this with my husband and kids. Sometimes we have Shabbos meals with friends and/or extended family. It's so nice to share the warmth with other special people in our lives.
Being Shomer Shabbos means that we don't use technology, drive, turn on/off lights, cook, play music, etc. during Shabbat. We've started to explain these customs to our kids and are teaching them what is muktzah. We're still learning about this for ourselves in the process. In any case, it's nice to have a day reserved for peace and quiet. My husband and I spend so much time on the computer all week, and the kids rely on the TV too much for entertainment. It's nice that we have this day to be a family, when we can eat, play and talk without the external influences of noise created by modern objects from our daily lives. Sometimes we even get in a nap, which is encouraged on Shabbat. Of course, that messes up our nighttime schedule, but it's nice on a long day after a filling meal.
Would you like some cream cheese with that "bagel?"
Over the last few years, I began to hear the term "bagel" being used to refer to an action instead of a food item. To "bagel" someone means that a Jewish person goes up to another Jewish person and reveals their identity as a fellow member of the tribe in some subtle way, such as asking where the nearest shul is or saying a phrase in Hebrew. I was "bageled" the other day when a man saw me standing next to my son, who wears a kipah, and wished me "Chag Sameach." I know I have "bageled" people in the past. I don't really have to when I have my older son around, since he makes it obvious that we're Jewish. However, there will be times I'm in line at the grocery store and the person behind me has all Kosher items in their cart. I can't help but wish them a good Shabbos!
This brings me to my second favorite thing about Judaism: Community! I love that there are so many Jewish people with whom to connect. This is not just in my neighborhood, at my shul or at my workplace, but all over the world! I love that while we're lighting Shabbos candles on Friday night, millions of women are doing this at the same time. I love being able to connect about experiences, beliefs, customs, etc. I mentioned this in my other blog about Judaism (referenced in the first section), but I love that when I was in Israel, everyone knew the words to "Am Yisrael Chai" and "Hatikvah," no matter where they were from. It was such an amazing and powerful feeling to be at that convention in Israel during my Birthright trip and one of the reasons I wanted to be more active in a Jewish community when I returned home. I also love how Facebook and other internet programs have connected Jewish people from all over the world. I love that I have found friends from NFTY, Makor, Birthright, etc. and am talking to them all in one place.
I love playing Jewish Geography and seeing who is connected in the Jewish world. It has led to so many coincidences in my life (and even in my husband's life). I even met my husband partially because of Jewish Geography. When I lived in Illinois, there was a diner where I would see someone I knew (usually Jewish) every time I went there. Nowadays, I usually see a few people I know every time I go to my favorite Kosher pizza place. During our first week here, several people introduced themselves to us the first time we had dinner at the pizza place.
Another thing that ties in with this is that I love going to all Kosher supermarkets and Judaica stores. I get a natural high from seeing stores with only Kosher items (Seven Mile Market was like the ultimate nirvana for me) and I love stores that sell things that cater only to the Jewish community in general. I love the creative things they sell, such as shirts that say "Chai Maintenance" and Hanukkiahs (a.k.a. menorahs) with different themes. They have lots of beautiful artwork and interesting books and toys for kids. I think I know that in either store, it's safe to say that no one has to do any "bageling" since everyone in the store is usually Jewish.
I can really connect Shabbat with community these days. We live in an Orthodox community with several shuls within walking distance. There's a Friday night and Yom Tov mincha minyan on our street, which is nice for my husband. On Saturday or holiday mornings, there are a lot of people who walk to shul around the same time and everyone greets each other. In the afternoons, people in the neighborhood get together so the kids can play and the adults can chat. It's not uncommon for someone to just drop by later in the day. The combination of Shabbat and community is what makes me elated to be Jewish.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Another Time Warp post about Time
I was thinking of the movie "Click" recently and decided to share this post I wrote about it almost 4 years ago, when I went to see it for my (actual) 30th birthday.
July 21st, 2006
11:24 am - Living in Fast Forward
This is actually a song by Kenny Chesney, but it comes to mind when I think of "Click". We saw it last night for my birthday. It was really good. It was funny, sad, and thought provoking. It's about a guy who has no time for his family because of his job and how he wants a way to control the world around him. However, his wish comes true in crazy ways and a lot happens while he's trying to get ahead. That's all I'll say, as to not spoil it. I definitely recommend it. Adam Sandler did a great job in his role. Christopher Walken was in it and was funny as usual. We also got to see Henry Winkler, a.k.a. "The Fonz", a lot. :)
BTW, AMC charges $9.50 for adults to see a movie! I know we're getting the experiences of stadium seating, a huge screen, and surround sound, but still!!! They need to lower their snack prices if they're going to keep raising their movie prices. It's ridiculous! We had a gift card, so that was nice. :) If we didn't, I would go to the less fancy theaters to pay normal prices!
Follow up: I really should not complain about movie theater prices from 4 years ago, as they have skyrocketed since then. In any case, I've only seen "Click" that one time, but it still resonates with me. The song "Linger" by The Cranberries was used in it a few times, and I always think of it when I hear that song on the radio nowadays.
"Click" was told in such a haunting way and even though it was fictional and goofy at times, it really does ring true. We let time get away from us when we absorb ourselves with getting ahead in our career path. I think that's why I like the job I have now. It allows me to feel good about what I do, but it also doesn't keep me from enjoying my personal life or watching my kids grow up. I definitely recommend stopping to smell the roses (or cherry blossoms, as we did this past Sunday). I also recommend seeing the movie at least once, if you haven't already, just to see what it is like for yourself.
July 21st, 2006
11:24 am - Living in Fast Forward
This is actually a song by Kenny Chesney, but it comes to mind when I think of "Click". We saw it last night for my birthday. It was really good. It was funny, sad, and thought provoking. It's about a guy who has no time for his family because of his job and how he wants a way to control the world around him. However, his wish comes true in crazy ways and a lot happens while he's trying to get ahead. That's all I'll say, as to not spoil it. I definitely recommend it. Adam Sandler did a great job in his role. Christopher Walken was in it and was funny as usual. We also got to see Henry Winkler, a.k.a. "The Fonz", a lot. :)
BTW, AMC charges $9.50 for adults to see a movie! I know we're getting the experiences of stadium seating, a huge screen, and surround sound, but still!!! They need to lower their snack prices if they're going to keep raising their movie prices. It's ridiculous! We had a gift card, so that was nice. :) If we didn't, I would go to the less fancy theaters to pay normal prices!
Follow up: I really should not complain about movie theater prices from 4 years ago, as they have skyrocketed since then. In any case, I've only seen "Click" that one time, but it still resonates with me. The song "Linger" by The Cranberries was used in it a few times, and I always think of it when I hear that song on the radio nowadays.
"Click" was told in such a haunting way and even though it was fictional and goofy at times, it really does ring true. We let time get away from us when we absorb ourselves with getting ahead in our career path. I think that's why I like the job I have now. It allows me to feel good about what I do, but it also doesn't keep me from enjoying my personal life or watching my kids grow up. I definitely recommend stopping to smell the roses (or cherry blossoms, as we did this past Sunday). I also recommend seeing the movie at least once, if you haven't already, just to see what it is like for yourself.
Friday, April 2, 2010
We'll always have pieces of E.T.
For week 2 of Friendship Friday, I have chosen A.S. as my friend of the day.
I met A.S. when I was a freshman in high school. We were at a NFTY (North American Federation of Temple Youth) retreat over winter break. I would see her around at meals and a few of the events, but we just smiled at each other and moved on. Then we were making candles and we were the last two people to leave. So we started talking. We had an instant bond because of our naturally curly hair and we took it from there. By the end of the retreat, we were inseparable. We had so much to joke and laugh about. One of our first duties as best friends was to come up with lists of unusual Barbie and Ken dolls. We would send each other letters (before e-mail came along) with pictures of the crazy Barbie situations we came up with. We also joked about McDonald’s a lot and I remember bursting into laughter at one of the events (at the retreat) just because she said “Grimace.” Our jokes started to include V.C. Andrews books, “Sesame Street,” and a slew of other things, such as characters she made up for fun. We would make tapes for each other with songs we deemed to be “demented.” One of my favorites that she taped for me was “Sandbox” by King Missile.
A few months later, she came to visit during spring break. We took her to some fun places, including Ed Debevic’s. It was a blast to hang out with her again and we could not stop laughing over anything and everything. We continued our correspondence between the times we got together. I got to take the bus by myself to visit her that summer. We lived a few hours apart; she was in Madison, WI (not far from the college campus) while I was in the Chicago suburbs. We met up again later in the summer at another NFTY retreat. However, she got kicked out for standing her ground over a T-shirt that some people in positions of authority deemed inappropriate. I was sad over her departure, but proud of her for standing her ground and being an individual. She had more guts than I did.
Our friendship continued to blossom and flourish over the years we were in high school. We sent thousands of letters to each other and did monthly phone calls. During senior year of high school, she introduced me to “Rocky Horror.” (I knew about the movie and had seen it a while back, but never in the theater with audience participation.) She even went to see it with me a few times. She also introduced me to some other friends with whom I am still in contact. Whenever we had the chance, we would visit each other. This was usually during summer or winter break from high school and then college. She was always dynamic and a lot of fun to be around. I wasn’t the only one drawn to her presence.
During freshman year of college, she came out of the closet and announced she was a lesbian. It was the first time a friend had ever come out to me before. (I knew people who were gay around that time, but their outings occurred before I met them.) Her revelation actually helped prepare me when another friend came out shortly after she did. It has not changed or affected our friendship and I was glad that she could be honest with me. Other people actually saw it coming before I did and I didn’t believe them at the time.
One of the times that I visited her on a summer break, she and I were making pasta for dinner and I added chunks of garlic to flavor it up. Her dad bit into a piece of garlic and asked what it was. A.S. said it was “pieces of E.T.” (she had an obsession with E.T.). I found that hilarious and we still bring it up from time to time.
A.S. is just a fun and fascinating girl to have as a friend. I consider myself lucky to be as close with her as I am. She is fluent in Yiddish and also performs in a Yiddish theater troupe. She studied library science and now works for a library. She seems to have interesting experiences wherever she goes and always finds a way to leave her mark.
She has been there for some big moments in my life. The first was my high school graduation. Next was when she was in town the first weekend after I had Lasik eye surgery. Then she came to visit after I moved into the condo. She also came to my wedding and my younger son’s bris. My sister and I visited her when she was living in NY. We had a fun weekend staying at her place. When I moved to NJ, we got to see each other more often. Not as often as if she were living right next door, but more than we had over the past few years. While I was sad to move away from her, I know we’re in contact often enough that we stay in each others' lives. She occasionally comes to Maryland for Yiddish events, so I’m hoping we’ll be able to coordinate schedules one of those times. In the end, no matter where we go or how often we get to hang out, I know we'll always have pieces of E.T.
I met A.S. when I was a freshman in high school. We were at a NFTY (North American Federation of Temple Youth) retreat over winter break. I would see her around at meals and a few of the events, but we just smiled at each other and moved on. Then we were making candles and we were the last two people to leave. So we started talking. We had an instant bond because of our naturally curly hair and we took it from there. By the end of the retreat, we were inseparable. We had so much to joke and laugh about. One of our first duties as best friends was to come up with lists of unusual Barbie and Ken dolls. We would send each other letters (before e-mail came along) with pictures of the crazy Barbie situations we came up with. We also joked about McDonald’s a lot and I remember bursting into laughter at one of the events (at the retreat) just because she said “Grimace.” Our jokes started to include V.C. Andrews books, “Sesame Street,” and a slew of other things, such as characters she made up for fun. We would make tapes for each other with songs we deemed to be “demented.” One of my favorites that she taped for me was “Sandbox” by King Missile.
A few months later, she came to visit during spring break. We took her to some fun places, including Ed Debevic’s. It was a blast to hang out with her again and we could not stop laughing over anything and everything. We continued our correspondence between the times we got together. I got to take the bus by myself to visit her that summer. We lived a few hours apart; she was in Madison, WI (not far from the college campus) while I was in the Chicago suburbs. We met up again later in the summer at another NFTY retreat. However, she got kicked out for standing her ground over a T-shirt that some people in positions of authority deemed inappropriate. I was sad over her departure, but proud of her for standing her ground and being an individual. She had more guts than I did.
Our friendship continued to blossom and flourish over the years we were in high school. We sent thousands of letters to each other and did monthly phone calls. During senior year of high school, she introduced me to “Rocky Horror.” (I knew about the movie and had seen it a while back, but never in the theater with audience participation.) She even went to see it with me a few times. She also introduced me to some other friends with whom I am still in contact. Whenever we had the chance, we would visit each other. This was usually during summer or winter break from high school and then college. She was always dynamic and a lot of fun to be around. I wasn’t the only one drawn to her presence.
During freshman year of college, she came out of the closet and announced she was a lesbian. It was the first time a friend had ever come out to me before. (I knew people who were gay around that time, but their outings occurred before I met them.) Her revelation actually helped prepare me when another friend came out shortly after she did. It has not changed or affected our friendship and I was glad that she could be honest with me. Other people actually saw it coming before I did and I didn’t believe them at the time.
One of the times that I visited her on a summer break, she and I were making pasta for dinner and I added chunks of garlic to flavor it up. Her dad bit into a piece of garlic and asked what it was. A.S. said it was “pieces of E.T.” (she had an obsession with E.T.). I found that hilarious and we still bring it up from time to time.
A.S. is just a fun and fascinating girl to have as a friend. I consider myself lucky to be as close with her as I am. She is fluent in Yiddish and also performs in a Yiddish theater troupe. She studied library science and now works for a library. She seems to have interesting experiences wherever she goes and always finds a way to leave her mark.
She has been there for some big moments in my life. The first was my high school graduation. Next was when she was in town the first weekend after I had Lasik eye surgery. Then she came to visit after I moved into the condo. She also came to my wedding and my younger son’s bris. My sister and I visited her when she was living in NY. We had a fun weekend staying at her place. When I moved to NJ, we got to see each other more often. Not as often as if she were living right next door, but more than we had over the past few years. While I was sad to move away from her, I know we’re in contact often enough that we stay in each others' lives. She occasionally comes to Maryland for Yiddish events, so I’m hoping we’ll be able to coordinate schedules one of those times. In the end, no matter where we go or how often we get to hang out, I know we'll always have pieces of E.T.
Time to celebrate!!!
I have officially written 100 posts to this blog in the span of 3 months!!! And this is after I thought I would just write a few posts every so often. I just love blogging! There's a lot of fun in store for the next 100 posts!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Happy Birthday to Me!
I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each others' blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic comes from Charmingly Random: Do you have any birthday traditions? If you don't celebrate your birthday, are there any annual traditions you participate in? Tell me about them!
Oddly enough, I don't have any traditions surrounding my birthday. I love celebrating my birthday, but every year it has been something random. I used to stay up till 12:35 am to see my birthday come in, but I'm too tired these days to uphold such a custom. This year, Tisha B'Av (a sad day during which we fast; it is held in remembrance of the burning of the temples) happens to fall on my birthday. (A few years ago I shared it with the Fast of Tammuz, but I broke it halfway through because it was extremely hot outside.)
Instead of sharing birthday traditions, I am going to share my top 5 favorite birthdays ever!
1. My 11th birthday party at Ed Debevic's. It's when Froggie and I first became friends and she got me the "Beverly Hills Cop 2" soundtrack because we would joke about "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael (because sex was such a bad word for us at the time. :) ) Afterward, Froggie and another close friend spent the night and then we all took the bus to camp together the next day. Even though junior high was hellish for me, it was a nice way to see myself into my adolescent years. My party was a lot of fun in general, thanks to a cool waitress.
*Side note: I was watching "90210" after writing this post and one of the guys had "I Want Your Sex" as his ring tone. :)
2. My 30th birthday party, which was a semi-surprise. My husband and two close friends of mine (one who unfortunately ended up not being able to make it because of heat sensitivity) threw a Hawaiian luau (that was the surprise part) and then we went to Hala Kahiki, a Hawaiian bar with really cool drinks. My husband had a picture of me put onto an ice cream cake, and even what he did to the picture was a surprise. A video of the experience can be found here.
3. My 18th birthday, which involved going to see "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" with my parents, sister, grandparents and a close friend of mine (whom I talked about in last week's "Friendship Friday" blog). Afterward, we went to Lockwood Castle and they gave me a birthday sundae with a sparkler in it. I hadn't had a sparkler in my birthday dessert since I went to Farrell's when I was little!
4. My 33rd birthday, which made up for my 31st and 32nd birthdays being so dull and forgettable. I went to see "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs" with my older son and a girl I had become friends with over the past few months. Then we went bowling with my husband and her husband (as well as my younger son, of course). Afterward, we went to one of our favorite restaurants with the couple. It was just a fun day overall.
5. My 25th birthday, which was held at the Cubby Bear North. It was just fun to have a group of friends together at a bar. We all sat outside because the weather was so gorgeous. "Jack" was there and gave me some fun birthday surprises (the best one being a DVD player....he couldn't take my old school style). :)
There are other birthdays that I enjoyed (such as one at the Neo-Futurarium and one involving my dog embarrassing me in front of a fun group of friends), as well as some that I wish had never happened. With my birthday being in the middle of the summer, it was never acknowledged at school, but the upside was being able to have outdoor parties or do something summer-themed.
One of my other favorite birthday memories was when I turned 26 and my husband (then boyfriend) decided to surprise me with a cake at work. I did not expect that at all and he earned major brownie points for doing so.
I enjoy focusing on my kids' birthdays nowadays and always making them special in some way or another. I know there will be a lot of milestone birthdays to celebrate as time goes on. I'm already excited for my younger son's upsherin (hair cutting ceremony) next year. :) And my older son will be 5, so that's a big deal too!
I also enjoy doing stuff for my husband's birthday, whether it is throwing him a surprise party (which I did last year) or just taking him out someplace special.
As for my own food-free birthday this year, I'll just celebrate the next day, when it's permissible to enjoy things again. :)
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic comes from Charmingly Random: Do you have any birthday traditions? If you don't celebrate your birthday, are there any annual traditions you participate in? Tell me about them!
Oddly enough, I don't have any traditions surrounding my birthday. I love celebrating my birthday, but every year it has been something random. I used to stay up till 12:35 am to see my birthday come in, but I'm too tired these days to uphold such a custom. This year, Tisha B'Av (a sad day during which we fast; it is held in remembrance of the burning of the temples) happens to fall on my birthday. (A few years ago I shared it with the Fast of Tammuz, but I broke it halfway through because it was extremely hot outside.)
Instead of sharing birthday traditions, I am going to share my top 5 favorite birthdays ever!
1. My 11th birthday party at Ed Debevic's. It's when Froggie and I first became friends and she got me the "Beverly Hills Cop 2" soundtrack because we would joke about "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael (because sex was such a bad word for us at the time. :) ) Afterward, Froggie and another close friend spent the night and then we all took the bus to camp together the next day. Even though junior high was hellish for me, it was a nice way to see myself into my adolescent years. My party was a lot of fun in general, thanks to a cool waitress.
*Side note: I was watching "90210" after writing this post and one of the guys had "I Want Your Sex" as his ring tone. :)
2. My 30th birthday party, which was a semi-surprise. My husband and two close friends of mine (one who unfortunately ended up not being able to make it because of heat sensitivity) threw a Hawaiian luau (that was the surprise part) and then we went to Hala Kahiki, a Hawaiian bar with really cool drinks. My husband had a picture of me put onto an ice cream cake, and even what he did to the picture was a surprise. A video of the experience can be found here.
3. My 18th birthday, which involved going to see "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" with my parents, sister, grandparents and a close friend of mine (whom I talked about in last week's "Friendship Friday" blog). Afterward, we went to Lockwood Castle and they gave me a birthday sundae with a sparkler in it. I hadn't had a sparkler in my birthday dessert since I went to Farrell's when I was little!
4. My 33rd birthday, which made up for my 31st and 32nd birthdays being so dull and forgettable. I went to see "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs" with my older son and a girl I had become friends with over the past few months. Then we went bowling with my husband and her husband (as well as my younger son, of course). Afterward, we went to one of our favorite restaurants with the couple. It was just a fun day overall.
5. My 25th birthday, which was held at the Cubby Bear North. It was just fun to have a group of friends together at a bar. We all sat outside because the weather was so gorgeous. "Jack" was there and gave me some fun birthday surprises (the best one being a DVD player....he couldn't take my old school style). :)
There are other birthdays that I enjoyed (such as one at the Neo-Futurarium and one involving my dog embarrassing me in front of a fun group of friends), as well as some that I wish had never happened. With my birthday being in the middle of the summer, it was never acknowledged at school, but the upside was being able to have outdoor parties or do something summer-themed.
One of my other favorite birthday memories was when I turned 26 and my husband (then boyfriend) decided to surprise me with a cake at work. I did not expect that at all and he earned major brownie points for doing so.
I enjoy focusing on my kids' birthdays nowadays and always making them special in some way or another. I know there will be a lot of milestone birthdays to celebrate as time goes on. I'm already excited for my younger son's upsherin (hair cutting ceremony) next year. :) And my older son will be 5, so that's a big deal too!
I also enjoy doing stuff for my husband's birthday, whether it is throwing him a surprise party (which I did last year) or just taking him out someplace special.
As for my own food-free birthday this year, I'll just celebrate the next day, when it's permissible to enjoy things again. :)
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