I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each others' blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic comes from Froggie: Write about your favorite season or time of year.
My favorite season is autumn, but my favorite time of year is the month of March.
To explain in more detail...I love the way autumn looks and feels. I love how beautiful the leaves are when they turn red, orange, yellow and brown. I love the piles of leaves that my kids can run through and crunch under their feet. I sometimes like to join them. I like how it means a new start...a new year of school and a new year on the Hebrew calendar. Sukkot takes place in the fall and I love being able to sit outside in the crisp air and enjoy a hot bowl of "Journey's End" soup. I love making campfires and eating s'mores. These days, the "campfire" is really my s'mores making set. :) I also love an excuse to wear sweaters but not need a coat just yet. I still have a thing for Halloween and autumn always represents that for me. I love all the pumpkins sitting out on peoples' front steps and the fact that canned pumpkin is in season to make lots of pies, cakes and soups. And call me crazy, but I love the smell of chimney smoke. It has such a cozy feel to it. I also enjoy taking trips to get pictures of the leaves. We missed out on doing that last year due to a lot of rain and a busy High Holiday season. In the past we would go to Starved Rock State Park when we lived in Illinois. We got some great pictures there and it was so beautiful to walk around in general. One year, we skipped out on Starved Rock to take a weekend trip through Door County, Wisconsin. The colors were beautiful out there too. There were fun festivals in the small towns along the way to the tip of Wisconsin. At other times, we have just taken nature walks through our neighborhood or have gone apple picking. Finally, my older son was born in September, so I always look forward to celebrating his birthday as one of the first autumn activities. I'm hoping we can go camping this autumn, as that would be a lot of fun.
To date, my desktop wallpaper at work is of an autumn scene....
As for my favorite time of year being the month of March...it just marks a bunch of big events in my life. I moved out of my parents' house and into my grandma's condo (when she was in assisted living) in March of 2000. I started taking improv comedy classes in March of 2001. In March of 2003, I got engaged on a cruise. My wedding was in March of 2004. We celebrated an anniversary in Vegas in March of 2006. My younger son was born in March of 2008. And we saw "In the Heights" in March of 2009 (another anniversary celebration). March is also when Purim usually occurs. It was in February this year, but close enough to carry over into March as Shushan Purim. I love how fun and festive the holiday is and sometimes it gets compared to Halloween, but without all the spooky stuff (even though Haman was scary).
While I love that the leaves are coming off the trees in autumn because it's done in such a graceful way, I also love that spring comes along in March and the trees start to bring forth new life with their leaves and flowers. This is my first spring in Maryland and I'm enjoying all the beauty of it. While I enjoy the peacefulness of an early evening that arrives with the autumn, I also enjoy having more daylight in the spring (even though it confuses my older son in terms of understanding night time). I guess I'm just full of contrasts, but it's nice to have something to look forward to every 6 months. :)
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
No broken bones here
I recently posted a blog called Sticks and Stones. It was about my experiences growing up as a bullying victim and hopes for future generations that they shouldn’t have to suffer the same fate as Phoebe Prince. Ironically enough, this new title is true in another way because I have never once broken a bone (no kaynehores though).
I realized that after posting the last blog, I had left some things unsaid. Most just popped into my head recently and I wanted to share those thoughts. Some might even be helpful or inspiring…
*There were two times in junior high that I managed to injure my eye (or the area around it). I should have just stayed home from school until it healed each time. It was so not worth going in and having to endure the jokes made at my expense over such self-inflicted accidents. Someone once said that a person on their bus said they beat me up. (Because they were on a different bus and somehow knew about it before they even saw it. Right.) And don’t even get me started on the rumors that came out of the first injury. They weren’t pretty.) It’s ironic that I had to wear an eye patch for two days last fall and was totally fine going out in public. People were nice about it and I didn’t get teased at all. It made me realize that I’m in a great environment now.
*When I was a freshman in high school, I finally got one of my tormenters to give up on bothering me. This girl was awful to me on the bus and I got sick of dealing with her after a while. This particular time, she was trying to get me to say something in hopes that she’d be able to tease me for it. I knew what she was getting at and did not give her such satisfaction at my expense. I just decided to confuse the “game” even more. (Basically, she told me I had a “Dickfor” on my shoulder. I was supposed to ask what such a thing was, but I knew better!) She finally gave up and even asked me if I knew what she was getting at. That was the last time she ever picked on me!
*When I was in college, a girl actually apologized to me for anything she did to hurt me when we were growing up. This was during a summer break and I was waiting on her at IHOP. She wasn’t even as bad as some other people, but she would make me cry a lot when we were kids. At the time, she claimed she was doing it to teach me how to stick up for myself. In any case, I thought it was decent that she apologized and I accepted that apology from her.
*Speaking of IHOP, that place is a bully’s dream come true! I have not stepped into an IHOP since August of 1996, as a result. While I was working there, I was targeted for sexual harassment because I was young and female. It got really nasty after a while and I could have easily reported it. However, they were so cheap that we had to pay for all our meals on the job, so I doubt I would have received any compensation even worthy of what I went through. Normally, I don’t name places, but my experiences working at IHOP were so terrible that I want to prevent other girls from going through the same thing. I mainly worked with a bunch of obnoxious teenage boys, as well as cooks who thought that because I knew limited Spanish, they could hit on me. The funny thing is, I knew how to stand up for myself and I wasn’t running away in tears. I dished back anything I was given. (I didn’t sexually harass anyone, but I wasn’t nice with my comebacks either.) There was even a cranky old lady who would come in every day and take up some tables in the back. She got in on the bullying end of things, but I was just as mean to her after a while. (Once she was doing someone’s side work and wouldn’t share utensils with me. When someone else asked me to share utensils with them, I made an example out of her so that she’d look like an idiot for not sharing.) In any case, the managers weren’t even helpful. I’d tell them what was going on, and then they’d start making disgusting comments about women right in front of me. If I didn’t have some regular customers who thought I was cool, I would have left a lot sooner than I did. There were also customers who were bullies. (This happens all over the place, as it happened at a previous restaurant job too.) The saying “the customer is always right” gets taken for granted and sometimes customers can be downright rude when they are clearly in the wrong. I am nice to servers at restaurants even when they’re not doing the greatest job. There are some levels I will just never lower myself to reach.
*I mentioned some “saving graces” in my post. I wanted to address some and also bring up one I left out:
I started reading V.C. Andrews’ books toward the end of 7th grade because all the cool kids were doing it. However, I didn’t expect to love them as much as I did. I ended up reading a couple of series over summer break and even got my friend from Hebrew school into them. We’d spend our time together reading her books. While I originally got some form of approval from the cool kids, that eventually died off, but I still was addicted to her books. I even started a fan club in college and am still friends with some of the people I met through that avenue (as well as some friends of people with whom I lost contact).
There was also forensics (speech team) in high school. I gained my confidence that way and felt more comfortable speaking in public and performing on stage. I loved going to tournaments every week. The best part was meeting a lot of guys and being able to flirt with them without anyone knowing my social status in school. I actually felt attractive during those times. (I also felt that way initially in CFTY, but that died out after a while.)
I forgot to mention Rocky Horror as a saving grace. This was more toward the end of high school, but it was the first time I felt truly accepted by a group of people. No one cared about who I was in school and there were cute guys who made me feel attractive. After a while, the cast I was with felt like family to me. I’m still in contact with some people from Rocky Horror and enjoy talking to them.
Finally, I have been inspired by my sister to start a new blog about bullying. I also got this idea from “That’s My Boss.” I would take e-mails from people who wanted to talk about their past or present experiences with bullying and post them anonymously to this blog. I have a few ideas for how to handle the information coming in. Comments would be moderated as to avoid further harassment (from people who have nothing better to do). I feel that if by starting such a blog, if it prevents even one person from committing suicide, it will have been a success. I also have hopes that if it gains enough momentum, I could share it with some higher powers that could lead to mandating schools to provide bully prevention seminars before anyone can work in the building. Or at least that it would back up Phoebe’s Law and help push it forward, as I completely support it.
I realized that after posting the last blog, I had left some things unsaid. Most just popped into my head recently and I wanted to share those thoughts. Some might even be helpful or inspiring…
*There were two times in junior high that I managed to injure my eye (or the area around it). I should have just stayed home from school until it healed each time. It was so not worth going in and having to endure the jokes made at my expense over such self-inflicted accidents. Someone once said that a person on their bus said they beat me up. (Because they were on a different bus and somehow knew about it before they even saw it. Right.) And don’t even get me started on the rumors that came out of the first injury. They weren’t pretty.) It’s ironic that I had to wear an eye patch for two days last fall and was totally fine going out in public. People were nice about it and I didn’t get teased at all. It made me realize that I’m in a great environment now.
*When I was a freshman in high school, I finally got one of my tormenters to give up on bothering me. This girl was awful to me on the bus and I got sick of dealing with her after a while. This particular time, she was trying to get me to say something in hopes that she’d be able to tease me for it. I knew what she was getting at and did not give her such satisfaction at my expense. I just decided to confuse the “game” even more. (Basically, she told me I had a “Dickfor” on my shoulder. I was supposed to ask what such a thing was, but I knew better!) She finally gave up and even asked me if I knew what she was getting at. That was the last time she ever picked on me!
*When I was in college, a girl actually apologized to me for anything she did to hurt me when we were growing up. This was during a summer break and I was waiting on her at IHOP. She wasn’t even as bad as some other people, but she would make me cry a lot when we were kids. At the time, she claimed she was doing it to teach me how to stick up for myself. In any case, I thought it was decent that she apologized and I accepted that apology from her.
*Speaking of IHOP, that place is a bully’s dream come true! I have not stepped into an IHOP since August of 1996, as a result. While I was working there, I was targeted for sexual harassment because I was young and female. It got really nasty after a while and I could have easily reported it. However, they were so cheap that we had to pay for all our meals on the job, so I doubt I would have received any compensation even worthy of what I went through. Normally, I don’t name places, but my experiences working at IHOP were so terrible that I want to prevent other girls from going through the same thing. I mainly worked with a bunch of obnoxious teenage boys, as well as cooks who thought that because I knew limited Spanish, they could hit on me. The funny thing is, I knew how to stand up for myself and I wasn’t running away in tears. I dished back anything I was given. (I didn’t sexually harass anyone, but I wasn’t nice with my comebacks either.) There was even a cranky old lady who would come in every day and take up some tables in the back. She got in on the bullying end of things, but I was just as mean to her after a while. (Once she was doing someone’s side work and wouldn’t share utensils with me. When someone else asked me to share utensils with them, I made an example out of her so that she’d look like an idiot for not sharing.) In any case, the managers weren’t even helpful. I’d tell them what was going on, and then they’d start making disgusting comments about women right in front of me. If I didn’t have some regular customers who thought I was cool, I would have left a lot sooner than I did. There were also customers who were bullies. (This happens all over the place, as it happened at a previous restaurant job too.) The saying “the customer is always right” gets taken for granted and sometimes customers can be downright rude when they are clearly in the wrong. I am nice to servers at restaurants even when they’re not doing the greatest job. There are some levels I will just never lower myself to reach.
*I mentioned some “saving graces” in my post. I wanted to address some and also bring up one I left out:
I started reading V.C. Andrews’ books toward the end of 7th grade because all the cool kids were doing it. However, I didn’t expect to love them as much as I did. I ended up reading a couple of series over summer break and even got my friend from Hebrew school into them. We’d spend our time together reading her books. While I originally got some form of approval from the cool kids, that eventually died off, but I still was addicted to her books. I even started a fan club in college and am still friends with some of the people I met through that avenue (as well as some friends of people with whom I lost contact).
There was also forensics (speech team) in high school. I gained my confidence that way and felt more comfortable speaking in public and performing on stage. I loved going to tournaments every week. The best part was meeting a lot of guys and being able to flirt with them without anyone knowing my social status in school. I actually felt attractive during those times. (I also felt that way initially in CFTY, but that died out after a while.)
I forgot to mention Rocky Horror as a saving grace. This was more toward the end of high school, but it was the first time I felt truly accepted by a group of people. No one cared about who I was in school and there were cute guys who made me feel attractive. After a while, the cast I was with felt like family to me. I’m still in contact with some people from Rocky Horror and enjoy talking to them.
Finally, I have been inspired by my sister to start a new blog about bullying. I also got this idea from “That’s My Boss.” I would take e-mails from people who wanted to talk about their past or present experiences with bullying and post them anonymously to this blog. I have a few ideas for how to handle the information coming in. Comments would be moderated as to avoid further harassment (from people who have nothing better to do). I feel that if by starting such a blog, if it prevents even one person from committing suicide, it will have been a success. I also have hopes that if it gains enough momentum, I could share it with some higher powers that could lead to mandating schools to provide bully prevention seminars before anyone can work in the building. Or at least that it would back up Phoebe’s Law and help push it forward, as I completely support it.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Back to where we started from....
I decided to pick a post from livejournal that was related to two topics: My older son's hearing loss and being a working mom.
November 15th, 2005
09:14 am - Officially November
It's starting to become gloomy and cold out here. After such an extended summer, I forgot to expect such weather. The good news is that I can wear my warm sweaters and drink hot cocoa. Two of my favorite things to do in the winter. :)
My weekend was nice. Pretty busy. Friday night, we had some people from temple over for Shabbat dinner. Saturday, we went to temple. Then we went to Lou Malnati's with a bunch of friends at night. The wait was so long, even though we had priority seating from putting in an order. The manager felt bad and gave us free appetizers and salad. And, as always, the pizza was worth the wait. Afterwards, we all hung out at our place and played Apples to Apples. Sunday, I got my hair cut in the morning. It's now chin length. Then we went to Gurnee Mills (a huge indoor outlet mall) with my mom and sister. We mainly looked at stuff for Eitan, but my husband got a shirt and belt for himself too. At night, we had dinner at my cousin's house. My 4 year-old cousin (who will be 5 next month) is so cute! She and I were playing hide-and-seek with her stuffed monkey. She also got to hold Eitan. She was sitting on the floor and we supported his head with a pillow, as well.
Eitan had his hearing test on Friday. Unfortunately, the results weren't what I hoped for. Thankfully, he is not deaf. However, he has a severe hearing loss in his right ear and a moderate loss in his left ear. He's getting fitted for hearing aids tomorrow. Since they caught it so early, he'll be able to adjust by the time he has to go to school. It's not the worst thing that could happen, but it's still not something we wanted him to deal with. We found out recently that there are some hearing problems on my husband's side. His cousin is completely deaf in one ear. She goes to rock concerts a lot, so they probably don't bother her as much.
In other news, I get to see "Rent" in 8 days. I can't wait. However, I have mixed emotions about time going by fast. There are things I'm looking forward to, but I know I have to go back to work in a few weeks and I'm not looking forward to that. I am more upset about having to separate from Eitan than he will be. It makes me sad that other people will get to cuddle with my baby all day while I'm doing stupid and boring stuff at my job. My working mom friends have told me that I'll enjoy the adult interaction. I just interact with my co-workers on a professional level. I'm not close with any of them. One of my coworkers has a son who is two weeks younger than Eitan, so he and I will be able to relate, but that's about it.
That's all for now. Sorry for the gloomy undertones of this entry. The weather isn't helping much.
Follow up: My older son has made a lot of progress with his hearing loss. More than we ever expected. He has great vocabulary and language skills and he's adapting well to his cochlear implant. He doesn't even ask for his hearing aid right now. I remember how we thought he'd never talk or would be extremely behind on language and he has blown our minds since that time.
Please don't take my comment from the original post to be anything disparaging about people who are deaf. I know people who are and they are very nice and they know how to adapt in order to communicate with the hearing world. At the time though, I knew that if my older son were completely deaf, I would be stuck because I don't know sign language that well and I still have a hard time trying to communicate that way. If he had been born deaf, I would have made sure he was implanted right away as to bring him into the speaking world. And I do know people who were born deaf and believe in and support cochlear implants. Even the people in "Sound and Fury" who were against CIs eventually got them, as well.
Side note: The night my cousin held him, she said "Get this off of me." It was really funny. She gets along so well with him now and he's crazy about her.
As for being a working mom, it definitely was hard when I was at a job I hated. Then I ended up being a stay-at-home-mom for a while between my contract naturally ending at that job and the length of time it took to get a job in NJ, which still allowed me to be home most of the time. The kids were in day care on and off, but I think it has made them more well rounded. It was helpful while I was job hunting, as well. Nowadays, I love my job and I know my kids are happy in their schools. It definitely makes all the difference in the world of a working mom. Sure, it's hard to coordinate schedules around appointments and other things that come up, but I'm thankful that my boss is understanding about stuff like that. I like the time I have to be an adult and I have fun comparing daily events with my kids.
November 15th, 2005
09:14 am - Officially November
It's starting to become gloomy and cold out here. After such an extended summer, I forgot to expect such weather. The good news is that I can wear my warm sweaters and drink hot cocoa. Two of my favorite things to do in the winter. :)
My weekend was nice. Pretty busy. Friday night, we had some people from temple over for Shabbat dinner. Saturday, we went to temple. Then we went to Lou Malnati's with a bunch of friends at night. The wait was so long, even though we had priority seating from putting in an order. The manager felt bad and gave us free appetizers and salad. And, as always, the pizza was worth the wait. Afterwards, we all hung out at our place and played Apples to Apples. Sunday, I got my hair cut in the morning. It's now chin length. Then we went to Gurnee Mills (a huge indoor outlet mall) with my mom and sister. We mainly looked at stuff for Eitan, but my husband got a shirt and belt for himself too. At night, we had dinner at my cousin's house. My 4 year-old cousin (who will be 5 next month) is so cute! She and I were playing hide-and-seek with her stuffed monkey. She also got to hold Eitan. She was sitting on the floor and we supported his head with a pillow, as well.
Eitan had his hearing test on Friday. Unfortunately, the results weren't what I hoped for. Thankfully, he is not deaf. However, he has a severe hearing loss in his right ear and a moderate loss in his left ear. He's getting fitted for hearing aids tomorrow. Since they caught it so early, he'll be able to adjust by the time he has to go to school. It's not the worst thing that could happen, but it's still not something we wanted him to deal with. We found out recently that there are some hearing problems on my husband's side. His cousin is completely deaf in one ear. She goes to rock concerts a lot, so they probably don't bother her as much.
In other news, I get to see "Rent" in 8 days. I can't wait. However, I have mixed emotions about time going by fast. There are things I'm looking forward to, but I know I have to go back to work in a few weeks and I'm not looking forward to that. I am more upset about having to separate from Eitan than he will be. It makes me sad that other people will get to cuddle with my baby all day while I'm doing stupid and boring stuff at my job. My working mom friends have told me that I'll enjoy the adult interaction. I just interact with my co-workers on a professional level. I'm not close with any of them. One of my coworkers has a son who is two weeks younger than Eitan, so he and I will be able to relate, but that's about it.
That's all for now. Sorry for the gloomy undertones of this entry. The weather isn't helping much.
Follow up: My older son has made a lot of progress with his hearing loss. More than we ever expected. He has great vocabulary and language skills and he's adapting well to his cochlear implant. He doesn't even ask for his hearing aid right now. I remember how we thought he'd never talk or would be extremely behind on language and he has blown our minds since that time.
Please don't take my comment from the original post to be anything disparaging about people who are deaf. I know people who are and they are very nice and they know how to adapt in order to communicate with the hearing world. At the time though, I knew that if my older son were completely deaf, I would be stuck because I don't know sign language that well and I still have a hard time trying to communicate that way. If he had been born deaf, I would have made sure he was implanted right away as to bring him into the speaking world. And I do know people who were born deaf and believe in and support cochlear implants. Even the people in "Sound and Fury" who were against CIs eventually got them, as well.
Side note: The night my cousin held him, she said "Get this off of me." It was really funny. She gets along so well with him now and he's crazy about her.
As for being a working mom, it definitely was hard when I was at a job I hated. Then I ended up being a stay-at-home-mom for a while between my contract naturally ending at that job and the length of time it took to get a job in NJ, which still allowed me to be home most of the time. The kids were in day care on and off, but I think it has made them more well rounded. It was helpful while I was job hunting, as well. Nowadays, I love my job and I know my kids are happy in their schools. It definitely makes all the difference in the world of a working mom. Sure, it's hard to coordinate schedules around appointments and other things that come up, but I'm thankful that my boss is understanding about stuff like that. I like the time I have to be an adult and I have fun comparing daily events with my kids.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Sticks and Stones
I recently found out about the tragic story of Phoebe Prince, a young girl who was bullied by her peers to the point where she felt she had to take her own life. I found this whole situation to be extremely sad and disturbing. From what I read, Phoebe was a naturally friendly girl and some people got jealous of her ability to grab a guy’s attention naturally and started calling her names and threatening her. I think statutory rape was involved in some way. It got so bad one day that she went home and hung herself. Apparently faculty and staff at the school knew what was going on and did nothing to stop it from happening. The least they could do was offer counseling to Phoebe to help her cope with her peers’ behavior and taunts. This situation has brought up how the issue of bullying has escalated from playful schoolyard taunts to physical abuse (such as hazing) and slander on the internet. The issue of bullying hits close to home for me as a parent and as someone who was picked on by their peers in the past.
About 6 years ago, I read a book that I was able to relate to in many ways. It was a true story by Jodee Blanco titled “Please Stop Laughing at Me...” It was her personal account of bullying from her peers. No matter where she went to school, she usually would start out popular and would make friends easily. Then she’d go against the grain of peer pressure and everyone would turn against her. She changed schools several times and it always led to the same outcome. I don’t think she ever tried to kill herself, but I know she displayed self-destructive behavior as a result. Miraculously, she came out on top as a confident adult who was able to tell her story in a way that it was nearly impossible to put down.
As I mentioned earlier, both Phoebe Prince's tragic death and Jodee Blanco's book struck chords with me...chords that would not have been struck had I not been a victim of bullying. I usually don't talk much about this because I supposedly lead such a "charmed life" nowadays, but I think it needs to be told in hopes that other people will be inspired to share their own stories and experiences. Maybe the more stories that are shared will inspire schools to mandate school faculty and staff to attend bullying prevention seminars before being allowed to set foot in a school building.
Mind you, the stuff I've heard and read about makes anything I went through pale in comparison, but it's still personal to me. I somehow managed to survive my school years and move on to college and adult life with the intention to start fresh. I think the main thing that kept me going after a while was self-confidence. It's something I've carried over into my adult life. And that didn't come into play until high school.
I started out with a lot of friends in preschool and kindergarten. Then the social circles started forming in first grade. Yes...first grade! People already knew if they fit into the popular or unpopular (i.e. geek) groups. Guess which group yours truly ended up in? :P I had friends, but some of them had split loyalties. Grade school was tolerable until the later years. The friends I had helped me weather any storms and I had my best friend at home too (my sister). I also had some other close friends outside of school. Of course, there were the mean girls who thought it was funny to ask me questions that tested my naivete about sexuality. Basically, you were damned if you said you were a virgin and also damned if you said you weren't. (Madonna's song didn't help much.) There were also boys who were just plain mean. One used to make me miserable at the bus stop every morning. (I got back at him in a subtle way during my college years...by acting like I didn't know him and then hearing from my boyfriend at the time that this guy was sending obvious signals of interest...and then making it very obvious that I was with someone.) The friends I made toward the end of my elementary school days didn't help matters much. However, I did have some friends who were destined for popularity at some point. The other factor that didn't help much was how I was super emotional about getting teased. I wore my vulnerability where everyone could see it and attack it.
When I got to junior high, I thought meeting people who didn't know my status in grade school would help, but it really didn't. The circles that were formed in grade school stuck and created monsters that sucked up the friends I had from before. (Basically, people whom I thought were my best friends decided that popularity took priority over their friendship with me.) I did make some new friends, but that proved detrimental to my social standing for the rest of junior high. There was one girl I became close with early in 6th grade and then she even turned on me because I wasn't geeky enough! She even got mad at me for a social mishap that was out of my control, but she saw no problem in making things even worse for herself and everyone in our little circle. (Basically, she got mad at me because everyone wanted me to dance--which I didn't even do at that time--in an effort to make fun of me more, but then she went and auditioned to be a cheerleader when she knew she was moving out of state soon. Then that started rumors that people thought her mom was suing the school. I was actually smug about it when people were surrounding and taunting her.) Other than that, people I thought were my friends in the beginning of the year turned on me in the typical mean girl style. I took modeling classes from Sears during that year and while I thought it would be seen as cool, I got picked on because it was for Sears. Nothing was good enough. I could buy all brand name clothes and start wearing bras and none of it would matter. My social status was set.
During the summer between 6th and 7th grade, I went to overnight camp with my BFF. That was a mistake (not about going with my BFF, just about going at all). The girls were all stuck up and made my four weeks there hellish. If I thought that being teased about not knowing about virginity was bad, having my naivete about all things sexual being ripped into made that look like a walk in the park. They were just awful and they would accuse me of destroying their property but then would see no problem in taking my towel while I was showering (and then getting mad when I got them in trouble). If my BFF had not been there, I would have gone home without even completing the four weeks. Years later, I read "The J.A.P. Chronicles" by Isabel Rose. While my camp experience wasn't as bad as the main character's, it was fun to imagine karma for all the girls in my cabin (with the exception of my BFF, of course). Two funny things that came out of this a long time later: I ended up dating the best friend of one of the girls' brother. I wonder if she ever knew about that. Also, one of the girls (who especially made fun of my naivete about sex) was at a close friend's bachelorette party and I got a high out of winning a contest where we had to answer a lot of questions about sex (factual, not personal). I don't think she remembered making fun of me back in the day, but I still enjoyed feeling smug about that.
Seventh grade was even worse. Someone told a girl I was trying to befriend that I would "ruin her rep." (This same girl who said that later was nice to me in high school.) The girls were just meaner in general. They would follow me around school and taunt me for no particular reason. Eventually, one of the gym teachers brought it to a halt. Until that time, I would hide out during "recess" and read a book behind some trees. I tried to avoid people whenever possible and hated going to school in general. Talking about it with my parents didn't help. They felt bad that it was going on, but I somehow felt I was failing them. In the meantime, I had Hebrew school and another set of obnoxious boys and girls to deal with there. I did have some saving graces though: Pen pals, a new friend from Hebrew school and V.C. Andrews books.
Eighth grade was a little more tolerable. I made a couple of nice friends (one whom I reunited and became closer with years later) but also had to deal with more mean girl behavior. I was hanging out with one group for a while when this girl decided she didn't want me to be a part of the group and wrote me a nasty letter too. I still resent her for it to this day. My saving graces this time included: knowing high school was around the corner, writing for the school paper, chorus, a nice school counselor, and gaining respect for my brains and because I tried out for the volleyball team. There was also the nice gym teacher who let me take a dance/exercise class instead of gym that year. I hated gym class, so it definitely saved my sanity. Overall, the movie "Welcome to the Dollhouse" made my junior high years feel a lot less hellish in comparison, even though I didn't get to see Eric Mabius sprawled out on a bed in my house.
High school wasn't too bad. I still dealt with my share of bullying from time to time, but I also had a lot of things that kept me going. It was easier to make friends because there was a wider pool to meet. Sure, the social circles still existed, but they were more scattered. I had speech team, which is where I gained my confidence. I also was also involved with chorus, theater, dance, etc. I did have moments every year where it was rough to go to school, but I got through it. Toward the end of my senior year, I had to deal with bullies amongst my own circle of friends. One was even disguised as a friend, but I realized later on that she really wasn't what one would call a friend. The other was this obnoxious guy who was so awful to me that I like to think his girlfriend refused to go to prom with him as a result of how he was treating me. (Why wouldn't you go to prom if you had an automatic date? I didn't have such luck.) I think I also became mean in the process of dealing with bullies through most of my life. I think it was a defense mechanism in a way. I still have times where the mean side of me comes out, but I think it has softened up over time. It's more of a protection mechanism these days. I also feel that Schadenfraude is a protective mechanism. I'd love to find out that someone who was mean to me is not doing so well in life.
Things did get better in college and even beyond. There were times I had to deal with rudeness in the working world, but no one was outright harassing me. Sometimes I wondered about peoples' intentions when they wanted to be friends (or more). I didn't join the Hillel in college because it reminded me of BBG and I didn't like most of the girls in that group. (Some of them even went to the same college as me.) There was a time that a girl I didn't like went to college with me and would prank call me with her friends. My friends and I curbed that behavior with an obnoxious outgoing message on my answering machine. I would see the same girl around my hometown and she'd act like my friend but it was so fake that it was disgusting. Last year, she tried to friend request me on Facebook and I ignored her. I don't plan to be another number for her and I don't need her knowing about my personal life. I just don't get how girls like her are married and the nice, normal girls I know are still trying to find Mr. Right. (There are other cases like this, where girls who were totally awful to me throughout junior high and high school managed to secure a spouse. I even saw one of them at two weddings a few years ago and was actually enjoying showing off my marital status at one of them...as my husband wasn't able to attend the other.) There was also a time when friends of a past boyfriend were telling him mean things about me. I even tried to reconcile with one of them but she wrote a nasty note in response.
Now that you know about my past issues with bullying (and I skimmed over a lot), I wanted to share my concerns for the future. Now that I'm a mom, I worry about bullying when my kids go to school. I worry about my kids being either the perpetrators or the victims. When I read "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Picoult a few years ago, I thought about this a lot. It was about a boy who was picked on so badly that he opened fire at his school and either injured or killed his classmates. I think he even killed a teacher. It was very disturbing because I knew it happened in the past and could happen again. I'm teaching my kids about how to be confident and stick up for themselves, but to not hurt other kids at the same time. I hold them accountable for their behavior. (Recently, my older son threw a toy at a little boy and my husband and I made him write an apology letter.) I worry more that my older son will be a victim because he's overly sensitive and he has something obviously different about his physical presence. Right now, he's in a school for kids with hearing loss and he's proud of his cochlear implant. However, I worry about how kids who never dealt with hearing loss will perceive it if he is mainstreamed. I was proud of how confidently he talked about his CI when another kid asked him what it was. He acted like it was no big deal. I just hope that confidence will stick with him over time. He's very friendly and likes to be the class clown. He loves laughing and making other kids laugh. He has a plethora of girlfriends already. I hope this all follows him throughout his grade school, junior high and high school days. He's more tuned in to kids who are different like him, and I think that will make him more compassionate overall. However, if anyone ever bullies or hurts him, they will have me to answer to and the school will have another thing coming if they don't do anything to prevent it from happening. As for my younger son, I worry that he'll be the bully. He's aggressive and likes to hit and push to make his point. We give him time outs, but we're not sure when that will sink in. He's a sweet kid otherwise and has made friends at his school already. He's very active and I could see him being the athletic one in the family. That might help him when it comes to the social circles that are probably being formed as we speak.
As for the adult world, bullying still exists. It was seen in the first season of "Ugly Betty" when Betty was being picked on mercilessly at her new job. People lightened up when they got to know her, but there were still times when she was thrown under the gauntlet. I know this is just a TV show, but workplace bullying does exist. There are managers who don't know how to treat their employees. I know people who will attest to this. And if you still don't believe me, check out "That's My Boss," a blog about bosses who don't know how to treat their employees properly. There are other ways bullying can occur in the adult world. Domestic abuse is another example of such behavior. And I'm sure that the girls in "Muriel's Wedding" aren't the only adult version of mean girls.
Overall, bullying is not something that will go away. If kids see a reason to be mean to other kids, they will stop at nothing to make someone's life hellish. I really hope schools get on the ball and work to educate and prevent bullying. I'm sure that it will be hard for them to get through those tough heads, but something does need to be done. Maybe a zero tolerance policy against bullying that would lead to severe consequences for all bullies? I don't know what it will take in order to prevent another incident like Phoebe Prince's tragic and completely unnecessary death. Keep in mind that she was harassed for being pretty and friendly. Imagine how much harder it must be for kids who are deemed by their peers as unattractive or socially inept. I like to think I came out of such a scathing experience okay and no worse for the wear, but I still have my mean (and sometimes vengeful) side. I don't forgive or forget as easily as one might think. In the meantime, I have a fabulous group of friends from all the different places I've lived and through the Internet.
Please share this post with anyone you know in an effort to explain how bullying feels for the victims. Especially before this issue escalates completely out of control in the future. If kids are cruel to each other now, I can't even imagine how much worse it could become.
About 6 years ago, I read a book that I was able to relate to in many ways. It was a true story by Jodee Blanco titled “Please Stop Laughing at Me...” It was her personal account of bullying from her peers. No matter where she went to school, she usually would start out popular and would make friends easily. Then she’d go against the grain of peer pressure and everyone would turn against her. She changed schools several times and it always led to the same outcome. I don’t think she ever tried to kill herself, but I know she displayed self-destructive behavior as a result. Miraculously, she came out on top as a confident adult who was able to tell her story in a way that it was nearly impossible to put down.
As I mentioned earlier, both Phoebe Prince's tragic death and Jodee Blanco's book struck chords with me...chords that would not have been struck had I not been a victim of bullying. I usually don't talk much about this because I supposedly lead such a "charmed life" nowadays, but I think it needs to be told in hopes that other people will be inspired to share their own stories and experiences. Maybe the more stories that are shared will inspire schools to mandate school faculty and staff to attend bullying prevention seminars before being allowed to set foot in a school building.
Mind you, the stuff I've heard and read about makes anything I went through pale in comparison, but it's still personal to me. I somehow managed to survive my school years and move on to college and adult life with the intention to start fresh. I think the main thing that kept me going after a while was self-confidence. It's something I've carried over into my adult life. And that didn't come into play until high school.
I started out with a lot of friends in preschool and kindergarten. Then the social circles started forming in first grade. Yes...first grade! People already knew if they fit into the popular or unpopular (i.e. geek) groups. Guess which group yours truly ended up in? :P I had friends, but some of them had split loyalties. Grade school was tolerable until the later years. The friends I had helped me weather any storms and I had my best friend at home too (my sister). I also had some other close friends outside of school. Of course, there were the mean girls who thought it was funny to ask me questions that tested my naivete about sexuality. Basically, you were damned if you said you were a virgin and also damned if you said you weren't. (Madonna's song didn't help much.) There were also boys who were just plain mean. One used to make me miserable at the bus stop every morning. (I got back at him in a subtle way during my college years...by acting like I didn't know him and then hearing from my boyfriend at the time that this guy was sending obvious signals of interest...and then making it very obvious that I was with someone.) The friends I made toward the end of my elementary school days didn't help matters much. However, I did have some friends who were destined for popularity at some point. The other factor that didn't help much was how I was super emotional about getting teased. I wore my vulnerability where everyone could see it and attack it.
When I got to junior high, I thought meeting people who didn't know my status in grade school would help, but it really didn't. The circles that were formed in grade school stuck and created monsters that sucked up the friends I had from before. (Basically, people whom I thought were my best friends decided that popularity took priority over their friendship with me.) I did make some new friends, but that proved detrimental to my social standing for the rest of junior high. There was one girl I became close with early in 6th grade and then she even turned on me because I wasn't geeky enough! She even got mad at me for a social mishap that was out of my control, but she saw no problem in making things even worse for herself and everyone in our little circle. (Basically, she got mad at me because everyone wanted me to dance--which I didn't even do at that time--in an effort to make fun of me more, but then she went and auditioned to be a cheerleader when she knew she was moving out of state soon. Then that started rumors that people thought her mom was suing the school. I was actually smug about it when people were surrounding and taunting her.) Other than that, people I thought were my friends in the beginning of the year turned on me in the typical mean girl style. I took modeling classes from Sears during that year and while I thought it would be seen as cool, I got picked on because it was for Sears. Nothing was good enough. I could buy all brand name clothes and start wearing bras and none of it would matter. My social status was set.
During the summer between 6th and 7th grade, I went to overnight camp with my BFF. That was a mistake (not about going with my BFF, just about going at all). The girls were all stuck up and made my four weeks there hellish. If I thought that being teased about not knowing about virginity was bad, having my naivete about all things sexual being ripped into made that look like a walk in the park. They were just awful and they would accuse me of destroying their property but then would see no problem in taking my towel while I was showering (and then getting mad when I got them in trouble). If my BFF had not been there, I would have gone home without even completing the four weeks. Years later, I read "The J.A.P. Chronicles" by Isabel Rose. While my camp experience wasn't as bad as the main character's, it was fun to imagine karma for all the girls in my cabin (with the exception of my BFF, of course). Two funny things that came out of this a long time later: I ended up dating the best friend of one of the girls' brother. I wonder if she ever knew about that. Also, one of the girls (who especially made fun of my naivete about sex) was at a close friend's bachelorette party and I got a high out of winning a contest where we had to answer a lot of questions about sex (factual, not personal). I don't think she remembered making fun of me back in the day, but I still enjoyed feeling smug about that.
Seventh grade was even worse. Someone told a girl I was trying to befriend that I would "ruin her rep." (This same girl who said that later was nice to me in high school.) The girls were just meaner in general. They would follow me around school and taunt me for no particular reason. Eventually, one of the gym teachers brought it to a halt. Until that time, I would hide out during "recess" and read a book behind some trees. I tried to avoid people whenever possible and hated going to school in general. Talking about it with my parents didn't help. They felt bad that it was going on, but I somehow felt I was failing them. In the meantime, I had Hebrew school and another set of obnoxious boys and girls to deal with there. I did have some saving graces though: Pen pals, a new friend from Hebrew school and V.C. Andrews books.
Eighth grade was a little more tolerable. I made a couple of nice friends (one whom I reunited and became closer with years later) but also had to deal with more mean girl behavior. I was hanging out with one group for a while when this girl decided she didn't want me to be a part of the group and wrote me a nasty letter too. I still resent her for it to this day. My saving graces this time included: knowing high school was around the corner, writing for the school paper, chorus, a nice school counselor, and gaining respect for my brains and because I tried out for the volleyball team. There was also the nice gym teacher who let me take a dance/exercise class instead of gym that year. I hated gym class, so it definitely saved my sanity. Overall, the movie "Welcome to the Dollhouse" made my junior high years feel a lot less hellish in comparison, even though I didn't get to see Eric Mabius sprawled out on a bed in my house.
High school wasn't too bad. I still dealt with my share of bullying from time to time, but I also had a lot of things that kept me going. It was easier to make friends because there was a wider pool to meet. Sure, the social circles still existed, but they were more scattered. I had speech team, which is where I gained my confidence. I also was also involved with chorus, theater, dance, etc. I did have moments every year where it was rough to go to school, but I got through it. Toward the end of my senior year, I had to deal with bullies amongst my own circle of friends. One was even disguised as a friend, but I realized later on that she really wasn't what one would call a friend. The other was this obnoxious guy who was so awful to me that I like to think his girlfriend refused to go to prom with him as a result of how he was treating me. (Why wouldn't you go to prom if you had an automatic date? I didn't have such luck.) I think I also became mean in the process of dealing with bullies through most of my life. I think it was a defense mechanism in a way. I still have times where the mean side of me comes out, but I think it has softened up over time. It's more of a protection mechanism these days. I also feel that Schadenfraude is a protective mechanism. I'd love to find out that someone who was mean to me is not doing so well in life.
Things did get better in college and even beyond. There were times I had to deal with rudeness in the working world, but no one was outright harassing me. Sometimes I wondered about peoples' intentions when they wanted to be friends (or more). I didn't join the Hillel in college because it reminded me of BBG and I didn't like most of the girls in that group. (Some of them even went to the same college as me.) There was a time that a girl I didn't like went to college with me and would prank call me with her friends. My friends and I curbed that behavior with an obnoxious outgoing message on my answering machine. I would see the same girl around my hometown and she'd act like my friend but it was so fake that it was disgusting. Last year, she tried to friend request me on Facebook and I ignored her. I don't plan to be another number for her and I don't need her knowing about my personal life. I just don't get how girls like her are married and the nice, normal girls I know are still trying to find Mr. Right. (There are other cases like this, where girls who were totally awful to me throughout junior high and high school managed to secure a spouse. I even saw one of them at two weddings a few years ago and was actually enjoying showing off my marital status at one of them...as my husband wasn't able to attend the other.) There was also a time when friends of a past boyfriend were telling him mean things about me. I even tried to reconcile with one of them but she wrote a nasty note in response.
Now that you know about my past issues with bullying (and I skimmed over a lot), I wanted to share my concerns for the future. Now that I'm a mom, I worry about bullying when my kids go to school. I worry about my kids being either the perpetrators or the victims. When I read "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Picoult a few years ago, I thought about this a lot. It was about a boy who was picked on so badly that he opened fire at his school and either injured or killed his classmates. I think he even killed a teacher. It was very disturbing because I knew it happened in the past and could happen again. I'm teaching my kids about how to be confident and stick up for themselves, but to not hurt other kids at the same time. I hold them accountable for their behavior. (Recently, my older son threw a toy at a little boy and my husband and I made him write an apology letter.) I worry more that my older son will be a victim because he's overly sensitive and he has something obviously different about his physical presence. Right now, he's in a school for kids with hearing loss and he's proud of his cochlear implant. However, I worry about how kids who never dealt with hearing loss will perceive it if he is mainstreamed. I was proud of how confidently he talked about his CI when another kid asked him what it was. He acted like it was no big deal. I just hope that confidence will stick with him over time. He's very friendly and likes to be the class clown. He loves laughing and making other kids laugh. He has a plethora of girlfriends already. I hope this all follows him throughout his grade school, junior high and high school days. He's more tuned in to kids who are different like him, and I think that will make him more compassionate overall. However, if anyone ever bullies or hurts him, they will have me to answer to and the school will have another thing coming if they don't do anything to prevent it from happening. As for my younger son, I worry that he'll be the bully. He's aggressive and likes to hit and push to make his point. We give him time outs, but we're not sure when that will sink in. He's a sweet kid otherwise and has made friends at his school already. He's very active and I could see him being the athletic one in the family. That might help him when it comes to the social circles that are probably being formed as we speak.
As for the adult world, bullying still exists. It was seen in the first season of "Ugly Betty" when Betty was being picked on mercilessly at her new job. People lightened up when they got to know her, but there were still times when she was thrown under the gauntlet. I know this is just a TV show, but workplace bullying does exist. There are managers who don't know how to treat their employees. I know people who will attest to this. And if you still don't believe me, check out "That's My Boss," a blog about bosses who don't know how to treat their employees properly. There are other ways bullying can occur in the adult world. Domestic abuse is another example of such behavior. And I'm sure that the girls in "Muriel's Wedding" aren't the only adult version of mean girls.
Overall, bullying is not something that will go away. If kids see a reason to be mean to other kids, they will stop at nothing to make someone's life hellish. I really hope schools get on the ball and work to educate and prevent bullying. I'm sure that it will be hard for them to get through those tough heads, but something does need to be done. Maybe a zero tolerance policy against bullying that would lead to severe consequences for all bullies? I don't know what it will take in order to prevent another incident like Phoebe Prince's tragic and completely unnecessary death. Keep in mind that she was harassed for being pretty and friendly. Imagine how much harder it must be for kids who are deemed by their peers as unattractive or socially inept. I like to think I came out of such a scathing experience okay and no worse for the wear, but I still have my mean (and sometimes vengeful) side. I don't forgive or forget as easily as one might think. In the meantime, I have a fabulous group of friends from all the different places I've lived and through the Internet.
Please share this post with anyone you know in an effort to explain how bullying feels for the victims. Especially before this issue escalates completely out of control in the future. If kids are cruel to each other now, I can't even imagine how much worse it could become.
Friday, April 9, 2010
We'll always have "the Costanzas"
This week's Friendship Friday post is about P.C..
I met P.C. at Makor in 2003. I think we were placed at some meals together or we just noticed each others' presence enough to recognize one another. So when we both showed up to a bridal shower that summer, the Jewish Geography circle became even tighter. I don't remember when we knew that we went to the same high school, but that came up in conversation at some point. In any case, I always thought she was nice, but we were only at the phase of making casual conversation. We hung out at the same friend's bachelorette party and wedding, but it took a while before we became close friends.
In the spring or summer of 2004, we started e-mailing each other and I found out that she was getting a masters degree in counseling. I had intended to pursue the same for a while and asked her more about it. From that point on, we started hanging out and found out all the things we had in common. I invited her over for Shabbat meals and we'd get Chinese food together a lot. She got along well with my husband and she also loved our cat.
The following year, I invited P.C. to a Passover seder we were hosting on the first night. My grandparents also came over. I think this was the first time she met them, but she had a mental picture of them from all the time my mom and I referred to them as "the Costanzas." (We were comparing them to George's parents on "Seinfeld.") When she finally met them, they didn't disappoint and that made for a very interesting seder. There was also a point where my mom was playing with her hair because she thought it was my hair (we both had an abundance of brown curls). She got along well with my family and I also enjoyed meeting her family. The first time was at her graduation party. Her parents were so warm and welcoming that I felt I had known them my whole life. I even had my parents host a meal one evening so they could meet her parents. I just thought they would all get along so well.
We continued to stay close and she became an honorary aunt when my older son was born. She even got to babysit for him once. They totally adored each other, so it worked out well. I was sad that I wouldn't get to see her as often when we moved to NJ, but she was always around whenever we came to town for a visit. She also sends gifts to the kids for birthdays and Hanukkah. It's not expected or required, but it's such a sweet gesture and she has maintained her honorary aunt status in such a way. Soon we'll get to talk to her on Skype.
This past year, she came to visit us at our new home. Of course, she didn't expect to be snowed in the whole weekend, but we had a fun time bonding and playing with the kids. I'm hoping she'll give our town a second chance so that we can do touristy things together in DC next time she visits. I also look forward to seeing her the next time we're in Chicago. No matter how often we get to see or talk with each other, we have a great bond and I know we'll always have "the Costanzas."
Side note: We were talking on the phone the other night and she brought up "the Costanzas" at one point, which reaffirms what I just said.
I met P.C. at Makor in 2003. I think we were placed at some meals together or we just noticed each others' presence enough to recognize one another. So when we both showed up to a bridal shower that summer, the Jewish Geography circle became even tighter. I don't remember when we knew that we went to the same high school, but that came up in conversation at some point. In any case, I always thought she was nice, but we were only at the phase of making casual conversation. We hung out at the same friend's bachelorette party and wedding, but it took a while before we became close friends.
In the spring or summer of 2004, we started e-mailing each other and I found out that she was getting a masters degree in counseling. I had intended to pursue the same for a while and asked her more about it. From that point on, we started hanging out and found out all the things we had in common. I invited her over for Shabbat meals and we'd get Chinese food together a lot. She got along well with my husband and she also loved our cat.
The following year, I invited P.C. to a Passover seder we were hosting on the first night. My grandparents also came over. I think this was the first time she met them, but she had a mental picture of them from all the time my mom and I referred to them as "the Costanzas." (We were comparing them to George's parents on "Seinfeld.") When she finally met them, they didn't disappoint and that made for a very interesting seder. There was also a point where my mom was playing with her hair because she thought it was my hair (we both had an abundance of brown curls). She got along well with my family and I also enjoyed meeting her family. The first time was at her graduation party. Her parents were so warm and welcoming that I felt I had known them my whole life. I even had my parents host a meal one evening so they could meet her parents. I just thought they would all get along so well.
We continued to stay close and she became an honorary aunt when my older son was born. She even got to babysit for him once. They totally adored each other, so it worked out well. I was sad that I wouldn't get to see her as often when we moved to NJ, but she was always around whenever we came to town for a visit. She also sends gifts to the kids for birthdays and Hanukkah. It's not expected or required, but it's such a sweet gesture and she has maintained her honorary aunt status in such a way. Soon we'll get to talk to her on Skype.
This past year, she came to visit us at our new home. Of course, she didn't expect to be snowed in the whole weekend, but we had a fun time bonding and playing with the kids. I'm hoping she'll give our town a second chance so that we can do touristy things together in DC next time she visits. I also look forward to seeing her the next time we're in Chicago. No matter how often we get to see or talk with each other, we have a great bond and I know we'll always have "the Costanzas."
Side note: We were talking on the phone the other night and she brought up "the Costanzas" at one point, which reaffirms what I just said.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
To Life, L'Chaim!
I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each others' blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic choice is once again my own: What is your favorite thing about your religion?
"Friday night, always a good night for some Sabbath.... 'cause, you know, Friday? is the Sabbath....for the Jews."
This was said on "Freaks and Geeks" by Neil, in response to Lindsey wanting to play Black Sabbath at her party. At the time I heard this line, I laughed but didn't give it much more thought. It was over 10 years ago and I wasn't observing Shabbos at the time. A few years later, I was watching "The Big Lebowski" and found it funny when John Goodman's character, Walter, was talking about how he was Shomer Shabbos and that meant he couldn't bowl on Saturday. Again, I didn't give it much thought as I was going out shopping and to movies on Saturday at the time.
This brings me to my first favorite thing about being Jewish: Shabbat! I wrote more in detail about my Jewish observance history, detailing various Shabbat experiences that have led me to where I am today, which is Shomer Shabbos for 3 years. Now that I've been Shomer Shabbos for this long, I can't even imagine going back to the way things used to be.
I love all of Shabbat, but I especially look forward to Friday night. That's when we bring in Shabbat and get to relax after a long and busy week. After I light candles with the boys, we sing Shabbat songs and dance around. Sometimes they'll play toys while we wait for my husband (their Abba) to come home from mincha. Then we all gather to welcome the Shabbos Queen with "Shalom Aleichem." Next we sing a song about a dinosaur who wants to spend Shabbat with us. The kids know all the words and they think it's a lot of fun. Afterward, my husband sings Ayshes Chayil (a virtuous woman) and then we bless the kids. Finally, it's time for Kiddush and challah. I just love the warmth and all the rituals involved with Friday night Shabbos dinner. It's something I enjoyed during the few experiences I had with it growing up (aside from going to temple with my family). I love that I can share this with my husband and kids. Sometimes we have Shabbos meals with friends and/or extended family. It's so nice to share the warmth with other special people in our lives.
Being Shomer Shabbos means that we don't use technology, drive, turn on/off lights, cook, play music, etc. during Shabbat. We've started to explain these customs to our kids and are teaching them what is muktzah. We're still learning about this for ourselves in the process. In any case, it's nice to have a day reserved for peace and quiet. My husband and I spend so much time on the computer all week, and the kids rely on the TV too much for entertainment. It's nice that we have this day to be a family, when we can eat, play and talk without the external influences of noise created by modern objects from our daily lives. Sometimes we even get in a nap, which is encouraged on Shabbat. Of course, that messes up our nighttime schedule, but it's nice on a long day after a filling meal.
Would you like some cream cheese with that "bagel?"
Over the last few years, I began to hear the term "bagel" being used to refer to an action instead of a food item. To "bagel" someone means that a Jewish person goes up to another Jewish person and reveals their identity as a fellow member of the tribe in some subtle way, such as asking where the nearest shul is or saying a phrase in Hebrew. I was "bageled" the other day when a man saw me standing next to my son, who wears a kipah, and wished me "Chag Sameach." I know I have "bageled" people in the past. I don't really have to when I have my older son around, since he makes it obvious that we're Jewish. However, there will be times I'm in line at the grocery store and the person behind me has all Kosher items in their cart. I can't help but wish them a good Shabbos!
This brings me to my second favorite thing about Judaism: Community! I love that there are so many Jewish people with whom to connect. This is not just in my neighborhood, at my shul or at my workplace, but all over the world! I love that while we're lighting Shabbos candles on Friday night, millions of women are doing this at the same time. I love being able to connect about experiences, beliefs, customs, etc. I mentioned this in my other blog about Judaism (referenced in the first section), but I love that when I was in Israel, everyone knew the words to "Am Yisrael Chai" and "Hatikvah," no matter where they were from. It was such an amazing and powerful feeling to be at that convention in Israel during my Birthright trip and one of the reasons I wanted to be more active in a Jewish community when I returned home. I also love how Facebook and other internet programs have connected Jewish people from all over the world. I love that I have found friends from NFTY, Makor, Birthright, etc. and am talking to them all in one place.
I love playing Jewish Geography and seeing who is connected in the Jewish world. It has led to so many coincidences in my life (and even in my husband's life). I even met my husband partially because of Jewish Geography. When I lived in Illinois, there was a diner where I would see someone I knew (usually Jewish) every time I went there. Nowadays, I usually see a few people I know every time I go to my favorite Kosher pizza place. During our first week here, several people introduced themselves to us the first time we had dinner at the pizza place.
Another thing that ties in with this is that I love going to all Kosher supermarkets and Judaica stores. I get a natural high from seeing stores with only Kosher items (Seven Mile Market was like the ultimate nirvana for me) and I love stores that sell things that cater only to the Jewish community in general. I love the creative things they sell, such as shirts that say "Chai Maintenance" and Hanukkiahs (a.k.a. menorahs) with different themes. They have lots of beautiful artwork and interesting books and toys for kids. I think I know that in either store, it's safe to say that no one has to do any "bageling" since everyone in the store is usually Jewish.
I can really connect Shabbat with community these days. We live in an Orthodox community with several shuls within walking distance. There's a Friday night and Yom Tov mincha minyan on our street, which is nice for my husband. On Saturday or holiday mornings, there are a lot of people who walk to shul around the same time and everyone greets each other. In the afternoons, people in the neighborhood get together so the kids can play and the adults can chat. It's not uncommon for someone to just drop by later in the day. The combination of Shabbat and community is what makes me elated to be Jewish.
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic choice is once again my own: What is your favorite thing about your religion?
"Friday night, always a good night for some Sabbath.... 'cause, you know, Friday? is the Sabbath....for the Jews."
This was said on "Freaks and Geeks" by Neil, in response to Lindsey wanting to play Black Sabbath at her party. At the time I heard this line, I laughed but didn't give it much more thought. It was over 10 years ago and I wasn't observing Shabbos at the time. A few years later, I was watching "The Big Lebowski" and found it funny when John Goodman's character, Walter, was talking about how he was Shomer Shabbos and that meant he couldn't bowl on Saturday. Again, I didn't give it much thought as I was going out shopping and to movies on Saturday at the time.
This brings me to my first favorite thing about being Jewish: Shabbat! I wrote more in detail about my Jewish observance history, detailing various Shabbat experiences that have led me to where I am today, which is Shomer Shabbos for 3 years. Now that I've been Shomer Shabbos for this long, I can't even imagine going back to the way things used to be.
I love all of Shabbat, but I especially look forward to Friday night. That's when we bring in Shabbat and get to relax after a long and busy week. After I light candles with the boys, we sing Shabbat songs and dance around. Sometimes they'll play toys while we wait for my husband (their Abba) to come home from mincha. Then we all gather to welcome the Shabbos Queen with "Shalom Aleichem." Next we sing a song about a dinosaur who wants to spend Shabbat with us. The kids know all the words and they think it's a lot of fun. Afterward, my husband sings Ayshes Chayil (a virtuous woman) and then we bless the kids. Finally, it's time for Kiddush and challah. I just love the warmth and all the rituals involved with Friday night Shabbos dinner. It's something I enjoyed during the few experiences I had with it growing up (aside from going to temple with my family). I love that I can share this with my husband and kids. Sometimes we have Shabbos meals with friends and/or extended family. It's so nice to share the warmth with other special people in our lives.
Being Shomer Shabbos means that we don't use technology, drive, turn on/off lights, cook, play music, etc. during Shabbat. We've started to explain these customs to our kids and are teaching them what is muktzah. We're still learning about this for ourselves in the process. In any case, it's nice to have a day reserved for peace and quiet. My husband and I spend so much time on the computer all week, and the kids rely on the TV too much for entertainment. It's nice that we have this day to be a family, when we can eat, play and talk without the external influences of noise created by modern objects from our daily lives. Sometimes we even get in a nap, which is encouraged on Shabbat. Of course, that messes up our nighttime schedule, but it's nice on a long day after a filling meal.
Would you like some cream cheese with that "bagel?"
Over the last few years, I began to hear the term "bagel" being used to refer to an action instead of a food item. To "bagel" someone means that a Jewish person goes up to another Jewish person and reveals their identity as a fellow member of the tribe in some subtle way, such as asking where the nearest shul is or saying a phrase in Hebrew. I was "bageled" the other day when a man saw me standing next to my son, who wears a kipah, and wished me "Chag Sameach." I know I have "bageled" people in the past. I don't really have to when I have my older son around, since he makes it obvious that we're Jewish. However, there will be times I'm in line at the grocery store and the person behind me has all Kosher items in their cart. I can't help but wish them a good Shabbos!
This brings me to my second favorite thing about Judaism: Community! I love that there are so many Jewish people with whom to connect. This is not just in my neighborhood, at my shul or at my workplace, but all over the world! I love that while we're lighting Shabbos candles on Friday night, millions of women are doing this at the same time. I love being able to connect about experiences, beliefs, customs, etc. I mentioned this in my other blog about Judaism (referenced in the first section), but I love that when I was in Israel, everyone knew the words to "Am Yisrael Chai" and "Hatikvah," no matter where they were from. It was such an amazing and powerful feeling to be at that convention in Israel during my Birthright trip and one of the reasons I wanted to be more active in a Jewish community when I returned home. I also love how Facebook and other internet programs have connected Jewish people from all over the world. I love that I have found friends from NFTY, Makor, Birthright, etc. and am talking to them all in one place.
I love playing Jewish Geography and seeing who is connected in the Jewish world. It has led to so many coincidences in my life (and even in my husband's life). I even met my husband partially because of Jewish Geography. When I lived in Illinois, there was a diner where I would see someone I knew (usually Jewish) every time I went there. Nowadays, I usually see a few people I know every time I go to my favorite Kosher pizza place. During our first week here, several people introduced themselves to us the first time we had dinner at the pizza place.
Another thing that ties in with this is that I love going to all Kosher supermarkets and Judaica stores. I get a natural high from seeing stores with only Kosher items (Seven Mile Market was like the ultimate nirvana for me) and I love stores that sell things that cater only to the Jewish community in general. I love the creative things they sell, such as shirts that say "Chai Maintenance" and Hanukkiahs (a.k.a. menorahs) with different themes. They have lots of beautiful artwork and interesting books and toys for kids. I think I know that in either store, it's safe to say that no one has to do any "bageling" since everyone in the store is usually Jewish.
I can really connect Shabbat with community these days. We live in an Orthodox community with several shuls within walking distance. There's a Friday night and Yom Tov mincha minyan on our street, which is nice for my husband. On Saturday or holiday mornings, there are a lot of people who walk to shul around the same time and everyone greets each other. In the afternoons, people in the neighborhood get together so the kids can play and the adults can chat. It's not uncommon for someone to just drop by later in the day. The combination of Shabbat and community is what makes me elated to be Jewish.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Another Time Warp post about Time
I was thinking of the movie "Click" recently and decided to share this post I wrote about it almost 4 years ago, when I went to see it for my (actual) 30th birthday.
July 21st, 2006
11:24 am - Living in Fast Forward
This is actually a song by Kenny Chesney, but it comes to mind when I think of "Click". We saw it last night for my birthday. It was really good. It was funny, sad, and thought provoking. It's about a guy who has no time for his family because of his job and how he wants a way to control the world around him. However, his wish comes true in crazy ways and a lot happens while he's trying to get ahead. That's all I'll say, as to not spoil it. I definitely recommend it. Adam Sandler did a great job in his role. Christopher Walken was in it and was funny as usual. We also got to see Henry Winkler, a.k.a. "The Fonz", a lot. :)
BTW, AMC charges $9.50 for adults to see a movie! I know we're getting the experiences of stadium seating, a huge screen, and surround sound, but still!!! They need to lower their snack prices if they're going to keep raising their movie prices. It's ridiculous! We had a gift card, so that was nice. :) If we didn't, I would go to the less fancy theaters to pay normal prices!
Follow up: I really should not complain about movie theater prices from 4 years ago, as they have skyrocketed since then. In any case, I've only seen "Click" that one time, but it still resonates with me. The song "Linger" by The Cranberries was used in it a few times, and I always think of it when I hear that song on the radio nowadays.
"Click" was told in such a haunting way and even though it was fictional and goofy at times, it really does ring true. We let time get away from us when we absorb ourselves with getting ahead in our career path. I think that's why I like the job I have now. It allows me to feel good about what I do, but it also doesn't keep me from enjoying my personal life or watching my kids grow up. I definitely recommend stopping to smell the roses (or cherry blossoms, as we did this past Sunday). I also recommend seeing the movie at least once, if you haven't already, just to see what it is like for yourself.
July 21st, 2006
11:24 am - Living in Fast Forward
This is actually a song by Kenny Chesney, but it comes to mind when I think of "Click". We saw it last night for my birthday. It was really good. It was funny, sad, and thought provoking. It's about a guy who has no time for his family because of his job and how he wants a way to control the world around him. However, his wish comes true in crazy ways and a lot happens while he's trying to get ahead. That's all I'll say, as to not spoil it. I definitely recommend it. Adam Sandler did a great job in his role. Christopher Walken was in it and was funny as usual. We also got to see Henry Winkler, a.k.a. "The Fonz", a lot. :)
BTW, AMC charges $9.50 for adults to see a movie! I know we're getting the experiences of stadium seating, a huge screen, and surround sound, but still!!! They need to lower their snack prices if they're going to keep raising their movie prices. It's ridiculous! We had a gift card, so that was nice. :) If we didn't, I would go to the less fancy theaters to pay normal prices!
Follow up: I really should not complain about movie theater prices from 4 years ago, as they have skyrocketed since then. In any case, I've only seen "Click" that one time, but it still resonates with me. The song "Linger" by The Cranberries was used in it a few times, and I always think of it when I hear that song on the radio nowadays.
"Click" was told in such a haunting way and even though it was fictional and goofy at times, it really does ring true. We let time get away from us when we absorb ourselves with getting ahead in our career path. I think that's why I like the job I have now. It allows me to feel good about what I do, but it also doesn't keep me from enjoying my personal life or watching my kids grow up. I definitely recommend stopping to smell the roses (or cherry blossoms, as we did this past Sunday). I also recommend seeing the movie at least once, if you haven't already, just to see what it is like for yourself.
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