No broken bones here

I recently posted a blog called Sticks and Stones. It was about my experiences growing up as a bullying victim and hopes for future generations that they shouldn’t have to suffer the same fate as Phoebe Prince. Ironically enough, this new title is true in another way because I have never once broken a bone (no kaynehores though).

I realized that after posting the last blog, I had left some things unsaid. Most just popped into my head recently and I wanted to share those thoughts. Some might even be helpful or inspiring…

*There were two times in junior high that I managed to injure my eye (or the area around it). I should have just stayed home from school until it healed each time. It was so not worth going in and having to endure the jokes made at my expense over such self-inflicted accidents. Someone once said that a person on their bus said they beat me up. (Because they were on a different bus and somehow knew about it before they even saw it. Right.) And don’t even get me started on the rumors that came out of the first injury. They weren’t pretty.) It’s ironic that I had to wear an eye patch for two days last fall and was totally fine going out in public. People were nice about it and I didn’t get teased at all. It made me realize that I’m in a great environment now.

*When I was a freshman in high school, I finally got one of my tormenters to give up on bothering me. This girl was awful to me on the bus and I got sick of dealing with her after a while. This particular time, she was trying to get me to say something in hopes that she’d be able to tease me for it. I knew what she was getting at and did not give her such satisfaction at my expense. I just decided to confuse the “game” even more. (Basically, she told me I had a “Dickfor” on my shoulder. I was supposed to ask what such a thing was, but I knew better!) She finally gave up and even asked me if I knew what she was getting at. That was the last time she ever picked on me!

*When I was in college, a girl actually apologized to me for anything she did to hurt me when we were growing up. This was during a summer break and I was waiting on her at IHOP. She wasn’t even as bad as some other people, but she would make me cry a lot when we were kids. At the time, she claimed she was doing it to teach me how to stick up for myself. In any case, I thought it was decent that she apologized and I accepted that apology from her.

*Speaking of IHOP, that place is a bully’s dream come true! I have not stepped into an IHOP since August of 1996, as a result. While I was working there, I was targeted for sexual harassment because I was young and female. It got really nasty after a while and I could have easily reported it. However, they were so cheap that we had to pay for all our meals on the job, so I doubt I would have received any compensation even worthy of what I went through. Normally, I don’t name places, but my experiences working at IHOP were so terrible that I want to prevent other girls from going through the same thing. I mainly worked with a bunch of obnoxious teenage boys, as well as cooks who thought that because I knew limited Spanish, they could hit on me. The funny thing is, I knew how to stand up for myself and I wasn’t running away in tears. I dished back anything I was given. (I didn’t sexually harass anyone, but I wasn’t nice with my comebacks either.) There was even a cranky old lady who would come in every day and take up some tables in the back. She got in on the bullying end of things, but I was just as mean to her after a while. (Once she was doing someone’s side work and wouldn’t share utensils with me. When someone else asked me to share utensils with them, I made an example out of her so that she’d look like an idiot for not sharing.) In any case, the managers weren’t even helpful. I’d tell them what was going on, and then they’d start making disgusting comments about women right in front of me. If I didn’t have some regular customers who thought I was cool, I would have left a lot sooner than I did. There were also customers who were bullies. (This happens all over the place, as it happened at a previous restaurant job too.) The saying “the customer is always right” gets taken for granted and sometimes customers can be downright rude when they are clearly in the wrong. I am nice to servers at restaurants even when they’re not doing the greatest job. There are some levels I will just never lower myself to reach.

*I mentioned some “saving graces” in my post. I wanted to address some and also bring up one I left out:
I started reading V.C. Andrews’ books toward the end of 7th grade because all the cool kids were doing it. However, I didn’t expect to love them as much as I did. I ended up reading a couple of series over summer break and even got my friend from Hebrew school into them. We’d spend our time together reading her books. While I originally got some form of approval from the cool kids, that eventually died off, but I still was addicted to her books. I even started a fan club in college and am still friends with some of the people I met through that avenue (as well as some friends of people with whom I lost contact).
There was also forensics (speech team) in high school. I gained my confidence that way and felt more comfortable speaking in public and performing on stage. I loved going to tournaments every week. The best part was meeting a lot of guys and being able to flirt with them without anyone knowing my social status in school. I actually felt attractive during those times. (I also felt that way initially in CFTY, but that died out after a while.)
I forgot to mention Rocky Horror as a saving grace. This was more toward the end of high school, but it was the first time I felt truly accepted by a group of people. No one cared about who I was in school and there were cute guys who made me feel attractive. After a while, the cast I was with felt like family to me. I’m still in contact with some people from Rocky Horror and enjoy talking to them.

Finally, I have been inspired by my sister to start a new blog about bullying. I also got this idea from “That’s My Boss.” I would take e-mails from people who wanted to talk about their past or present experiences with bullying and post them anonymously to this blog. I have a few ideas for how to handle the information coming in. Comments would be moderated as to avoid further harassment (from people who have nothing better to do). I feel that if by starting such a blog, if it prevents even one person from committing suicide, it will have been a success. I also have hopes that if it gains enough momentum, I could share it with some higher powers that could lead to mandating schools to provide bully prevention seminars before anyone can work in the building. Or at least that it would back up Phoebe’s Law and help push it forward, as I completely support it.