I realize that I talk about my girlfriends more than my male friends. I've decided to post this in response to my own realization. I'm also going to incorporate my male friends in "Friendship Friday" occasionally, so be on the lookout for those posts!
Monday, July 23, 2007
The Eleventy Foot Tall Freshman
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Friends
I had a weird dream last night. Actually, I had a few weird dreams, but this one stood out. I was having some sort of graduation party, even though it has been 8 years since I graduated from college. My friend J, from college was there. And then another version of him showed up later into the party. The first version of him was kind of quiet and didn't really respond much when I asked him questions about his life. The other was outgoing and wrote me this nice long message in the card he gave me. It was all meant to be humorous too. I couldn't figure out how two versions of the same person could be in the same room at one time. I thought it was someone completely different whom I was supposedly friends with in college.
In any case, it got me thinking about my friendship with J (from college). I met him when I was a junior and he was a freshman. He was 6'5", but said that people called him "The Eleventy Foot Tall Freshman". We actually met online through a Rocky Horror message board. He was asking if there was Rocky Horror at ISU and I had to break the bad news to him. Then he found a showing of it in Peoria, which was done sporadically throughout the year. So we drove down to Peoria a few weeks later to see it. I barely knew him at that time, and somehow trusted him to get me safely to Peoria and back.
There was never any romantic attraction between us. We were instant platonic friends. As platonic as a male and female can possibly get as friends. Well, there was the footsie incident, but that's because he was "Eleventy Feet Tall" and had nowhere to put his feet. I incorporated him into my circle of friends instantly. One night, a few of us were going back to the dorm building after Theater Ted. We all were talking. Well, J and I were talking because I could look at him without drooling. My friends called him a Greek Adonis and stared at him the way I do when I see celebrities I like. I just liked that he could help me get stuff from the top shelf of my closet and that he had access to a car. I'm such a nice friend, right? LOL! Seriously, we had a good, solid friendship. He was so unfazable that I would try to freak him out all the time. He always managed to keep a straight face and an even temper, no matter how crazy and goofy my friends and I got around him.
Whenever someone made fun of meeting people through the internet, he'd tell them that he met one of his good friends that way. (Me, of course.) It meant a lot that he would say that. He also had these catch phrases and told the same stories all the time. It was hard not to finish his stories for him, but it was endearing all the same.
We had a great friendship overall, and I still think about him from time to time. I wonder what side of the planet he fell off. I remember that he got married and had a baby a few years ago. That's all though. I try to contact him from time to time, but never hear back. It's unfortunate. I sometimes wonder if his wife doesn't like him having female friends, regardless of how platonic the friendship is or the fact that his female friend is also married with a child.
I've had other platonic male friendships that I miss too, and also contribute it to them being in a relationship with a jealous significant other. I still have some platonic male friendships that exist today. I wouldn't just write off a male friend because I got married. They are no threat to my marriage and I enjoy my friendships with them. (This includes my gay friends.) I don't go out and actually form new platonic male friendships, unless they're with husbands/boyfriends of my current or new female friends. Or if they became friends with my husband first. It's some weird system I have for myself. I just don't feel comfortable pursuing new platonic male friendships on my own, now that I am married. It's a choice I've made for myself that has nothing to do with my husband. I doubt he goes out and pursues platonic female friendships either. He's friends with my female friends and wives/girlfriends of his male friends. It's just how it works after a while.
I'm thankful for the platonic male friendships I've had in the past and ones I still have today. I enjoy having guy friends who are not biased or judgmental or trying to pursue something more than a friendship. I enjoy that they support my marriage and we can talk about fun and interesting things without there being any false pretenses. It's nice and simple. I miss the ones that have gone away and hope those guys are doing well in their lives and their relationships, wherever they are.
In the meantime, if any of my college friends know "The Eleventy Foot Tall Freshman" and still are in contact with him, let me know how he's doing or let him know that I miss him. Thanks!
Follow Up: I touched base with J online after I had my younger son. He also had a second child by then. We exchanged pictures. That's all though. I think I sent him something he'd enjoy a while back but I never received a reply.
I still am incapable of being friends with single guys unless they're friends with my husband first. It never works well otherwise, no matter how nice I might be. I usually let him take the lead on such matters. I think I only took the lead once but it was more to connect someone with my husband and then we all became friends (this was after we got married but prior to writing this entry). I'm now friends with that guy's girlfriend too.
These days, I still become friends with the wife first and if my husband and I mutually become friends with the husband, then I have no problem talking to them. I guess there are certain social patterns to ponder and this is one of them.
The only exception was when I wanted to talk to a guy friend of one of my girlfriends. They weren't together but she thought highly of him and I had no problem exchanging e-mails with him. Even then, I tried to connect him with my husband because they had some interests in common. Nothing ever came of that and I doubt we'll ever meet him in person since he's usually really busy, even when he's in my neck of the woods. I also don't have a problem reconnecting with guys I've known in the past, but it's usually easier if they're in a relationship.
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