Do you like "The Simpsons?"
Do you like "Arrested Development?"
If so, then you must check this out! Too cool!!!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Show 'em you're a cougar...
When I used to hear the word “cougar,” I’d think of a large cat that roamed around Africa or lived in a zoo. When I hear the word “cougar” now, I think of a mix between Mrs. Robinson (“The Graduate”), Stifler’s mother (“American Pie”), Demi Moore and Monica from “Friends” (not because Courteney Cox is in “Cougar Town,” but more because of “young” Ethan from season 1).
In the car on the way to work, I was trying to figure out when the word “cougar” came to be used to describe women who date men a lot younger than them. I first heard it used when they advertised the show “Cougar Town” last spring (for the upcoming fall). Then I read it again in “Easy on the Eyes” by Jane Porter, in which a woman in her 40’s was dating a much younger actor. I’m surprised it wasn’t used in “Flirting with Forty” (also by Porter), so I’m guessing it came to pass after that book was published. The term came to mind today because I was thinking about how my crush on Adam Lambert would render me as a “cougar.” He’s only 5 ½ years younger than me, but that still seems like a large gap. When I was in my dating phase of life, I promised myself that I’d never date anyone my sister’s age or younger. My sister is 3 years younger than me, but any guys around her age felt more like brothers than someone to date. Maybe it was a maturity thing or maybe the “ick factor” (presented on the episode of “Friends” mentioned above) came into play for me.
In any case, I don’t get why there isn’t a name for men who date much younger women. If there were, Tom Cruise would hold such a title! Instead, women who date much older men are called “gold diggers” or “grave robbers.” Why aren’t the boys dating these “cougars” given a name? Don’t these boys give off an Oedipus complex of sorts, even without the factor of potential incest? In the past, the status of being labeled a “cougar” was just considered to be “robbing the cradle.” I joke about that in my own life, since I’m a year and 4 months older than my husband. I don’t notice the age difference as he is more mature than me sometimes. :)
The main point I’m trying to make is that there is an unfair scrutiny placed on women when they date (or even marry) men with a significant age difference in either direction. Men aren’t put under this microscope in the same way. I find it unfair and annoying. If someone wants to date someone else who is far older or younger, it’s really their own choice. If they’re happy together and they’re on the same maturity and intellectual level, there should be no judgment from the media or anyone else outside of that relationship. Aside from just not wanting to date anyone my sister’s age or younger, if I would have been able to babysit for someone in the 80’s, they would definitely be off limits in my book. It’s crazy enough when girl friends of mine who are 7-8 years younger make me feel old. I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to date someone who would have been too young to watch “Family Ties” prior to it going into syndication. And even on the other side of the coin, if a guy was 3-5 years older, that was fine. Anything beyond that felt creepy to me, especially when guys who contacted me on dating sites were closer to my father’s age than mine. In any case, that's a personal preference and comfort level and I don't judge women who feel differently about dating in either age direction.
These days, my sons have crushes on girls closer to my age. It’s probably as natural as having a teacher or celebrity crush. At their age, the girls I am friends with find it cute. I’m not sure how I’d feel about my sons dating someone a lot older when they’re adults, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. (I’m more concerned about them marrying someone Jewish, and hopefully on par with their level of observance. We do have friends who are observant and the wife is about 7 or 8 years older than the husband. They are a great match though.) I just hope the term “cougar” goes away by then. I think by then, it will be as old as the women to whom it is referring. I don’t know that it will get replaced by something else, but I also hope that men will get a turn in the spotlight of scrutiny for dating women with a significant age difference from them.
In the car on the way to work, I was trying to figure out when the word “cougar” came to be used to describe women who date men a lot younger than them. I first heard it used when they advertised the show “Cougar Town” last spring (for the upcoming fall). Then I read it again in “Easy on the Eyes” by Jane Porter, in which a woman in her 40’s was dating a much younger actor. I’m surprised it wasn’t used in “Flirting with Forty” (also by Porter), so I’m guessing it came to pass after that book was published. The term came to mind today because I was thinking about how my crush on Adam Lambert would render me as a “cougar.” He’s only 5 ½ years younger than me, but that still seems like a large gap. When I was in my dating phase of life, I promised myself that I’d never date anyone my sister’s age or younger. My sister is 3 years younger than me, but any guys around her age felt more like brothers than someone to date. Maybe it was a maturity thing or maybe the “ick factor” (presented on the episode of “Friends” mentioned above) came into play for me.
In any case, I don’t get why there isn’t a name for men who date much younger women. If there were, Tom Cruise would hold such a title! Instead, women who date much older men are called “gold diggers” or “grave robbers.” Why aren’t the boys dating these “cougars” given a name? Don’t these boys give off an Oedipus complex of sorts, even without the factor of potential incest? In the past, the status of being labeled a “cougar” was just considered to be “robbing the cradle.” I joke about that in my own life, since I’m a year and 4 months older than my husband. I don’t notice the age difference as he is more mature than me sometimes. :)
The main point I’m trying to make is that there is an unfair scrutiny placed on women when they date (or even marry) men with a significant age difference in either direction. Men aren’t put under this microscope in the same way. I find it unfair and annoying. If someone wants to date someone else who is far older or younger, it’s really their own choice. If they’re happy together and they’re on the same maturity and intellectual level, there should be no judgment from the media or anyone else outside of that relationship. Aside from just not wanting to date anyone my sister’s age or younger, if I would have been able to babysit for someone in the 80’s, they would definitely be off limits in my book. It’s crazy enough when girl friends of mine who are 7-8 years younger make me feel old. I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to date someone who would have been too young to watch “Family Ties” prior to it going into syndication. And even on the other side of the coin, if a guy was 3-5 years older, that was fine. Anything beyond that felt creepy to me, especially when guys who contacted me on dating sites were closer to my father’s age than mine. In any case, that's a personal preference and comfort level and I don't judge women who feel differently about dating in either age direction.
These days, my sons have crushes on girls closer to my age. It’s probably as natural as having a teacher or celebrity crush. At their age, the girls I am friends with find it cute. I’m not sure how I’d feel about my sons dating someone a lot older when they’re adults, but I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. (I’m more concerned about them marrying someone Jewish, and hopefully on par with their level of observance. We do have friends who are observant and the wife is about 7 or 8 years older than the husband. They are a great match though.) I just hope the term “cougar” goes away by then. I think by then, it will be as old as the women to whom it is referring. I don’t know that it will get replaced by something else, but I also hope that men will get a turn in the spotlight of scrutiny for dating women with a significant age difference from them.
Get a job....
This past weekend, I saw “Post Grad.” I was expecting it to be a laid back comedy that didn’t require much thought. However, I ended up laughing most of the time and also cringing in sympathy with the main character (Ryden, played by Alexis Bledel) every so often. Why would I cringe in sympathy, you ask? It’s because after I graduated college, finding a job was the biggest challenge in the world. Like Ryden, I thought I’d be able to land the first job for which I interviewed. That ended up turning into days and nights of sending off my resume, countless interviews that went nowhere in the end and lots of frustrated tears. I even had the computer tests at the job agencies memorized! Like Ryden, I also had to live with my family while on the hunt for something that would allow me to live on my own. (It got to the point where I would take anything that involved sitting in front of a computer.)
Toward the end of my first post grad summer, my dad hooked me up with a short-term contract position. It was in the city at a very modern looking office. I liked it at first, but then my boss became a very difficult person to please. Thankfully, the contract was only for a month and then I had to start looking again. It was nice to have some experience to add to my resume for the time being. And after only a few more interviews, I quickly landed another job, this time more long term as an administrative assistant.
This job was back by where I grew up, which was a little hike from my parents’ house, but good once I moved into the condo five months later. I quickly got comfortable in my role and got to know the other people I worked with. It had a similar feeling to Dunder Mifflin with lots of office “stereotypes.” Most of the staff was really nice and there were a few people around my age with whom to socialize. The department had some fun things going on, such as people bringing in donuts and bagels every Friday, holiday parties, desk decorating contests (during holiday time), people who acknowledged birthdays, etc. Sometimes I’d go out for drinks with co-workers on a Friday evening. My boss was relatively nice. She had her uptight moments (ones during which I dreaded being “summoned” to her office), but she also had a grandmother-like quality that I felt comfortable around. I was able to talk to her about personal stuff as needed. One of my favorite people there was the receptionist. She took over for another one whom I had gotten to know and like briefly. She was my best friend at the office and I always enjoyed stopping by her desk for a chat. She definitely made my time at the job more enjoyable and interesting. I could equate her personality to Erin from "The Office," if that says anything. However, things came to a point where I really felt I'd be better off someplace else. I was excited when an opportunity at a new cellular business came up toward the end of 2000....
I managed to attain that job and got to start all over again. It was by the airport, but I didn't mind because I was going to the city a lot anyway. Right after I started the job, I became close friends with a guy who was in a similar position to me. With my knack of attracting gay guys at that time in my life (which I'll blog about more another time), he and I were a perfect fit. We'd hang out together a lot and listen to the same music or check out the theater and club scene together. In any case, my first boss at this new job was very similar to Michael Scott in personality. He was probably more professional, but his sense of humor and laid back attitude were on par. The team I worked for (as well as the office, in general) was full of young people (including lots of hot guys). I was still in a supporting role, but with more responsibilities. It was exciting to launch a company in a city as huge as Chicago. I also connected with one of the sales managers and we'd drink tea and chat every morning. Things were going really well for a while and then my friend left right after the 9/11 attacks. I took on his role for a while, which meant long days and nights at the office. I also got my BFF a job there around that time. However, things continuously changed and management shifted around. I didn't like my new boss and also didn't appreciate how the new regional manager was so into micromanaging. While there were still fun social aspects, by spring of 2002 (when my BFF left), I was ready to look around again. That took me another year and a half of going out to interviews on lunch breaks and after work. I did put it on hold for a while when I made a new friend there in early 2003. Then when she left later in the year, I decided to resume my search. This didn't take as long and by November I was at a new company closer to home again.
However, I regretted being hasty in taking on a new job just to leave behind what I had. Especially when I found out that I’d have to keep a cell phone with me 24/7 to take work related calls. I don’t remember hearing about that in the interview or I wouldn’t have been so eager to take on this new role. The calls inhibited me from fully keeping Shabbos and they would wake me up at 3 a.m. sometimes. Once my phone didn’t ring at all for some reason and it was during an emergency. My first boss was mad about it but then I explained what had happened and he backed off. It prompted me to look for other jobs shortly after I got married, but then I gave up on it after a while. There was very little I liked about this job and still managed to stick around for the entirety of the 3 year contract. There were several shifts in management and I only liked the manager who was there from after I returned from my maternity leave in late 2005 (which was unpaid due to an annoying miscommunication) until about March of 2006. Then the boss who took over next was full of himself and not the easiest to work with. I started looking around for jobs again that summer. When I found out that our contracts were not being renewed in December of that year, I was elated. I decided to take the time to be a mom and also start a home business.
Needless to say, the home business venture did not work out. About this same time was when we moved to NJ. Then the job search began all over again. However, it was even more torturous this time around. I will never complain about needing 3 months to find a job after college when it took me 10 months to find one in NJ. I had job experience, but I guess that didn’t count for anything. I had received an offer for one job halfway through this time. However, it fell through when they realized that I’d need to leave early on Friday in the winters for Shabbos and would need to take off a lot of time during Yom Tov season in the fall. My husband even tried to get me into a different career field in hopes of finding a better job. However, the field didn’t feel right for me and I burned out quickly. By the time I was 7 or 8 months pregnant with my younger son, he told me to just find something part-time to bring in at least some money. That’s when I found my medical billing job.
More details about my time at the medical billing job can be found here. Needless to say, it was a blessing in disguise! The owners were Orthodox so I didn’t have to worry about Shabbos or holidays hindering my ability to get the job. They also understood about my upcoming delivery, as they were expecting one around the same time. It was a lot of tedious work, but it kept me honest and I liked the people I worked for so much that I wanted to do my best so that they could focus on their work without worrying about dealing with a lot of errors or slow progress. I managed to get things done quickly and as error-free as possible. I’m detail-oriented and obsessive, along with being a quick typist, so this was the perfect position for me at the time. I was sad about leaving them behind when I moved, but I put out ads to help them find someone new. They eventually found someone on their own and I hope she appreciates working for them as much as I did.
Before and after our move to MD, I looked for jobs in the area. I had a few interviews shortly after the move, but nothing came of them. Then I had an interview in early November that has changed my life for the better ever since! I’ve been at my current job for 3 months now. I absolutely love it here! My boss is wonderful and I like all the people I work with. I was annoyed during blizzard week that I couldn’t be at work. I even did some work from home that week (while some of it was mandatory, I did some other work to keep information current). I voluntarily help with the tedious work (stuffing envelopes, sorting papers, etc.) because I like being able to help out other departments. I like the whole team feel that the office gives off. There is not the political atmosphere that I’ve dealt with at past jobs. I’m working in the field of Judaism, which I am passionate about for obvious reasons. I love that everyone I work with is also passionate about their jobs. I loved the fundraiser event we recently organized and worked at on a normal day off. My responsibilities got shifted a lot that day, but I enjoyed helping out in whichever way I could. There are people who have worked here for over 20 years. I could imagine working here for the next 20 years or more and seeing my career flourish in this environment. While I liked the people I worked for at my medical billing job, this is the first job I can say that I truly love!
A while back, my husband was talking to one of our friends about what our purpose is at our jobs. He came up with the epiphany or realization (based on what his friend said about his wife) that I just like to be really good at what I do when I’m working someplace. While that is definitely the case, it helps a lot to like where I work. I only hope my husband will find a job that he likes better than his current one. (His job environment and boss are completely the opposite of mine and it’s taking its toll on him.) It truly makes all the difference when you are able to wake up and know that you are excited to take on a new day at work!
Toward the end of my first post grad summer, my dad hooked me up with a short-term contract position. It was in the city at a very modern looking office. I liked it at first, but then my boss became a very difficult person to please. Thankfully, the contract was only for a month and then I had to start looking again. It was nice to have some experience to add to my resume for the time being. And after only a few more interviews, I quickly landed another job, this time more long term as an administrative assistant.
This job was back by where I grew up, which was a little hike from my parents’ house, but good once I moved into the condo five months later. I quickly got comfortable in my role and got to know the other people I worked with. It had a similar feeling to Dunder Mifflin with lots of office “stereotypes.” Most of the staff was really nice and there were a few people around my age with whom to socialize. The department had some fun things going on, such as people bringing in donuts and bagels every Friday, holiday parties, desk decorating contests (during holiday time), people who acknowledged birthdays, etc. Sometimes I’d go out for drinks with co-workers on a Friday evening. My boss was relatively nice. She had her uptight moments (ones during which I dreaded being “summoned” to her office), but she also had a grandmother-like quality that I felt comfortable around. I was able to talk to her about personal stuff as needed. One of my favorite people there was the receptionist. She took over for another one whom I had gotten to know and like briefly. She was my best friend at the office and I always enjoyed stopping by her desk for a chat. She definitely made my time at the job more enjoyable and interesting. I could equate her personality to Erin from "The Office," if that says anything. However, things came to a point where I really felt I'd be better off someplace else. I was excited when an opportunity at a new cellular business came up toward the end of 2000....
I managed to attain that job and got to start all over again. It was by the airport, but I didn't mind because I was going to the city a lot anyway. Right after I started the job, I became close friends with a guy who was in a similar position to me. With my knack of attracting gay guys at that time in my life (which I'll blog about more another time), he and I were a perfect fit. We'd hang out together a lot and listen to the same music or check out the theater and club scene together. In any case, my first boss at this new job was very similar to Michael Scott in personality. He was probably more professional, but his sense of humor and laid back attitude were on par. The team I worked for (as well as the office, in general) was full of young people (including lots of hot guys). I was still in a supporting role, but with more responsibilities. It was exciting to launch a company in a city as huge as Chicago. I also connected with one of the sales managers and we'd drink tea and chat every morning. Things were going really well for a while and then my friend left right after the 9/11 attacks. I took on his role for a while, which meant long days and nights at the office. I also got my BFF a job there around that time. However, things continuously changed and management shifted around. I didn't like my new boss and also didn't appreciate how the new regional manager was so into micromanaging. While there were still fun social aspects, by spring of 2002 (when my BFF left), I was ready to look around again. That took me another year and a half of going out to interviews on lunch breaks and after work. I did put it on hold for a while when I made a new friend there in early 2003. Then when she left later in the year, I decided to resume my search. This didn't take as long and by November I was at a new company closer to home again.
However, I regretted being hasty in taking on a new job just to leave behind what I had. Especially when I found out that I’d have to keep a cell phone with me 24/7 to take work related calls. I don’t remember hearing about that in the interview or I wouldn’t have been so eager to take on this new role. The calls inhibited me from fully keeping Shabbos and they would wake me up at 3 a.m. sometimes. Once my phone didn’t ring at all for some reason and it was during an emergency. My first boss was mad about it but then I explained what had happened and he backed off. It prompted me to look for other jobs shortly after I got married, but then I gave up on it after a while. There was very little I liked about this job and still managed to stick around for the entirety of the 3 year contract. There were several shifts in management and I only liked the manager who was there from after I returned from my maternity leave in late 2005 (which was unpaid due to an annoying miscommunication) until about March of 2006. Then the boss who took over next was full of himself and not the easiest to work with. I started looking around for jobs again that summer. When I found out that our contracts were not being renewed in December of that year, I was elated. I decided to take the time to be a mom and also start a home business.
Needless to say, the home business venture did not work out. About this same time was when we moved to NJ. Then the job search began all over again. However, it was even more torturous this time around. I will never complain about needing 3 months to find a job after college when it took me 10 months to find one in NJ. I had job experience, but I guess that didn’t count for anything. I had received an offer for one job halfway through this time. However, it fell through when they realized that I’d need to leave early on Friday in the winters for Shabbos and would need to take off a lot of time during Yom Tov season in the fall. My husband even tried to get me into a different career field in hopes of finding a better job. However, the field didn’t feel right for me and I burned out quickly. By the time I was 7 or 8 months pregnant with my younger son, he told me to just find something part-time to bring in at least some money. That’s when I found my medical billing job.
More details about my time at the medical billing job can be found here. Needless to say, it was a blessing in disguise! The owners were Orthodox so I didn’t have to worry about Shabbos or holidays hindering my ability to get the job. They also understood about my upcoming delivery, as they were expecting one around the same time. It was a lot of tedious work, but it kept me honest and I liked the people I worked for so much that I wanted to do my best so that they could focus on their work without worrying about dealing with a lot of errors or slow progress. I managed to get things done quickly and as error-free as possible. I’m detail-oriented and obsessive, along with being a quick typist, so this was the perfect position for me at the time. I was sad about leaving them behind when I moved, but I put out ads to help them find someone new. They eventually found someone on their own and I hope she appreciates working for them as much as I did.
Before and after our move to MD, I looked for jobs in the area. I had a few interviews shortly after the move, but nothing came of them. Then I had an interview in early November that has changed my life for the better ever since! I’ve been at my current job for 3 months now. I absolutely love it here! My boss is wonderful and I like all the people I work with. I was annoyed during blizzard week that I couldn’t be at work. I even did some work from home that week (while some of it was mandatory, I did some other work to keep information current). I voluntarily help with the tedious work (stuffing envelopes, sorting papers, etc.) because I like being able to help out other departments. I like the whole team feel that the office gives off. There is not the political atmosphere that I’ve dealt with at past jobs. I’m working in the field of Judaism, which I am passionate about for obvious reasons. I love that everyone I work with is also passionate about their jobs. I loved the fundraiser event we recently organized and worked at on a normal day off. My responsibilities got shifted a lot that day, but I enjoyed helping out in whichever way I could. There are people who have worked here for over 20 years. I could imagine working here for the next 20 years or more and seeing my career flourish in this environment. While I liked the people I worked for at my medical billing job, this is the first job I can say that I truly love!
A while back, my husband was talking to one of our friends about what our purpose is at our jobs. He came up with the epiphany or realization (based on what his friend said about his wife) that I just like to be really good at what I do when I’m working someplace. While that is definitely the case, it helps a lot to like where I work. I only hope my husband will find a job that he likes better than his current one. (His job environment and boss are completely the opposite of mine and it’s taking its toll on him.) It truly makes all the difference when you are able to wake up and know that you are excited to take on a new day at work!
Monday, March 1, 2010
"I've walked these streets in a carnival of sights to see..."
This weekend was Purim and, as tradition would have it, we took the kids to a Purim carnival. While I was there, I visited memories of this fun fair my BFF and I would go to every year around the end of February or beginning of March (usually over Pulaski weekend…when schools in Chicago got a day off in honor of Casimir Pulaski). It was part of the Indian Princess federation that my sister and I were in with our dad (which will be discussed in a future blog). The fair was usually huge and had several rooms full of different games, such as ring tosses, bean bag throws, bowling with plastic balls and pins, pulling ducks out of water, etc. We’d get tickets for all the games and would put them towards lots of little stuffed animals (which would later adorn my headboard and dressers). One year, there was a game that had its own prizes. We could pick out a poster if we won. I really wanted this poster of Michael J. Fox and I kept playing until I got it. Ironically, it refused to stay up on my wall!
Sometimes I’d get to help at the booth our “tribe” was running. I think we ran a game where people had to knock down a pyramid display of cans. The platform had wallpaper from our guest bathroom (silvery with butterflies). I think my parents had initially made it for our temple’s Purim carnival and then gave it over to Indian Princesses. I remember commenting that it looked like our bathroom. That’s probably why I found the “potty toss” game (at yesterday’s Purim carnival) that much funnier. (That, and the fact that another close friend and I tried to stuff a ton of toilet paper down the toilet when we were about my younger son’s age.)
I always looked forward to this carnival, as well as a long weekend hanging out with my BFF and going to the mall together on Pulaski Day. I think that’s why I enjoy taking my kids to carnivals these days. (I also used to like going to the 4th of July festivals with my family when I was younger, but they’ve become sketchy and expensive over time.)
Sometimes I’d get to help at the booth our “tribe” was running. I think we ran a game where people had to knock down a pyramid display of cans. The platform had wallpaper from our guest bathroom (silvery with butterflies). I think my parents had initially made it for our temple’s Purim carnival and then gave it over to Indian Princesses. I remember commenting that it looked like our bathroom. That’s probably why I found the “potty toss” game (at yesterday’s Purim carnival) that much funnier. (That, and the fact that another close friend and I tried to stuff a ton of toilet paper down the toilet when we were about my younger son’s age.)
I always looked forward to this carnival, as well as a long weekend hanging out with my BFF and going to the mall together on Pulaski Day. I think that’s why I enjoy taking my kids to carnivals these days. (I also used to like going to the 4th of July festivals with my family when I was younger, but they’ve become sketchy and expensive over time.)
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Now that "American Idol" is on 3 nights for the next few weeks....
....I get way more knitting done! Especially with it being 2 hours each night for the first two nights. It's definitely growing but I feel that it doesn't look like a scarf. Time will tell, I guess. My older son likes when I knit in his room while he's getting ready for bed. He practically begs me to knit at that time! It's very sweet though. :)
From McDonald's to Mikvah
This blog was inspired by Charmingly Random's blog about religion.
When I was growing up, my weekends involved going to temple on Friday nights and going to the mall, movies, birthday parties, fast food restaurants, or doing other fun things on Saturday morning and afternoon. I loved the ritual of going to temple. I’d even bring my Cabbage Patch Kid and pretend that I was the mommy taking them to temple. I wouldn’t leave the building without saying “Shabbat Shalom” to the Rabbi.
As I got older, I started going to Hebrew school and training for my Bat Mitzvah. I enjoyed learning Hebrew once I was able to pick up on it. I even taught myself the trope symbols necessary to chant my Haftarah. My Bat Mitzvah service was a very meaningful experience that I still think about occasionally.
After I became a Bat Mitzvah, I took confirmation classes. I didn’t enjoy those as much and didn’t really get a lot out of them as I had hoped. The summer before I started high school, I went to a Jewish overnight camp (Beber). It was a great experience. I loved how everyone came together for Shabbat. We all had services, a nice meal in the dining hall and Israeli dancing under the stars.
When I was a freshman in high school, I got involved with BBG and CFTY. At first I liked BBG, but later became more interested and involved with CFTY instead. I liked the meaningful and spiritual factors of CFTY. I also met some great friends through it, some of whom I am still in touch with today. Around this time, I also joined the speech team at my school and we went to tournaments every Saturday in the fall and winter.
Meanwhile, we had family friends who were Modern Orthodox and invited us to dine in their Sukkah every autumn. I loved and looked forward to that experience. Sometimes it was combined with Shabbos. It was such a beautiful experience overall. Around this time, I read a book called “What Happened to Heather Hopkowitz? It resonated with me at the time and I still think about it as an adult. I even used it for a discussion about books for Jewish adolescents in one of my classes in college.
While I was in college, I felt I slipped away from Judaism in the beginning. There were no temples within walking distance and I was the only Jewish person amongst my friends for a while. The Hillel on campus didn’t interest me much and it felt like it contained the things that I didn’t like about BBG. Then I met my first boyfriend during freshman year. He was Jewish and I think being with him helped spark a renewed interest in Judaism. We didn’t talk about it a lot and never went to temple together, but it was nice to share in Jewish holidays and be able to talk about family customs. I started going to temple just on the High Holidays, as well. Toward the end of my college days, my Jewish side came out more. When I lived off campus, I was able to light the menorah (no rules about candles, like in the dorms) and make matzo ball soup.
While I still let the world know I was Jewish after I graduated from college, I was pretty low key about my observance level. I’d still go out on Friday nights and Saturday afternoons. Most of the time was spent in the city. I spent the High Holidays with my family, but even that was minimal time in temple and just eating food afterward. In the summer of 2001, one of my best friends left to study for a year in Israel. His departure motivated me to go on a Birthright trip in early 2002. While I was there, I promised to make some changes to my overall lifestyle if I could be given a good love relationship in return (I would have also taken the opportunity to be part of the Comedy Sportz troupe as another option). I put this promise in the Western Wall, sealing the deal. In the meantime, I decided that I wanted to start becoming more involved in the Jewish community. Being in Israel really inspired me to want more out of Judaism. By the end of the trip, the educational leader said that I was “shining.”
A few weeks after I returned from Israel, I met the love of my life. It was through one of his friends and involved being in the right place and saying the right thing at the right time. Complete besherte! I had asked if my (now) husband liked going to temple, as I wanted to start going again. It turned out that he went to temple every Saturday morning. I also found out later that his friend matched us up for a reason besides bowling…that we both liked to say “besherte.” We met later that week and eventually started going to temple together. It was a nice experience and I looked forward to it every week. A month later, he took me to an event called Makor. It’s a Shabbos dinner program that takes place around the Lakeview/Lincoln Park area of Chicago. People get grouped into different homes for a Shabbos meal and then they all convene at one location afterward for social time. The first meal I went to was really enjoyable and it brought back the feelings I had when I went to a Shabbos dinner in our family friends’ Sukkah. We continued to go throughout the year and got other friends involved. Eventually, we tried to start our own group in the suburbs but didn’t have enough funding for more than 2 dinners. It was a nice program to organize though.
Around this same time, we had gone to Cleveland a few times to visit my husband’s family and enjoy some Shabbos weekends together. I loved the Shabbos meals my (now) mother-in-law hosted when we came for a visit. The first time I was there was during Sukkot. I got to relive the Shabbos in the Sukkah feel once again. Spending Shabbos with my future family was definitely another inspiration for me to become more observant.
After we got engaged in 2003, we decided to start on a path of keeping Kosher together. We took all our plates, cookware, utensils, etc. to the mikvah (after dipping everything in boiling water first). To celebrate this new plan, we decided to first stop mixing meat and dairy and also wait three hours before having dairy after a meat meal. Over the next few years, we expanded our Kosher rules to ease our way into things. Nowadays, I no longer eat non-Kosher meat. That was the hugest thing for me to give up. It meant no more burgers at Wendys! However, by that time we were living in NJ and surrounded by Kosher restaurants.
Later in 2003, I decided that we should have a Shabbos meal every Friday night instead of going out on the town. We adopted that custom and met some friends around that time with whom we shared in a lot of Shabbos meals. Maybe that was another sign from Hashem that we were headed in the right direction in regards to observance.
When we got married in 2004, we had all Kosher food at our wedding. We also followed some customs that my brother-in-law introduced to us at his wedding (badeken ceremony, walking around in a circle 7 times, the yichud room, etc). However, there was mixed seating and dancing at our reception. I don’t think I could have had it any other way.
Meanwhile, we were looking for a shul (I started referring to temple as shul when I became more observant) at which we’d both feel comfortable attending Shabbos services. After we got married, we found one! We were one of the only young couples, but everyone was really nice and the Rabbi was wonderful. We met one of our close friends through that shul, as well. It was a Traditional congregation. They followed the format of an Orthodox service, but there was no mechitzah.
Upon becoming husband and wife, we chose to participate in the custom of Taharat Hamishpachot. It means family purity. To put it nicely, a husband can not so much as touch his wife, or vice versa (or even sleep in the same bed) during the two “unclean” weeks of her cycle, until she has immersed in a ritual bath called a mikvah (not the same as the one used to make utensils Kosher). The whole experience is very meaningful and it allows spouses to get to know each other outside of the physical realm and really talk to each other. And for those who think TWO weeks are hard, try SIX (or more) after giving birth! I took classes to learn more about the process and reasons behind it and became friends with my teacher. She even invited us over for Shabbos meals from time to time, as well as a meal during Sukkot.
When our first son was born, we decided on giving him only a Hebrew name (that would be used at home and shul). There’s a custom to not reveal the name until the bris (or naming ceremony for a girl). I didn’t like the custom the first time, but came to an agreement that we’d only reveal the name if people were dying to know and couldn’t wait until the bris. At the bris, it felt so special to share the name with people hearing it for the first time, that we decided to completely wait on sharing our second son’s name until the bris. When our first son turned 3, we had a hair cutting ceremony called an upsherin and he started wearing a kipah at that time, as well as tzitzis later on.
Before we moved to NJ in 2007, we started easing our way into becoming Shomer Shabbos (and Yom Tov). We started out with a few rules and expanded it after we got comfortable with that. It meant no more shopping, movies, watching TV, checking e-mail, etc. from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. When we moved to NJ, we became completely Shomer Shabbos and it felt natural because we were within walking distance of the shul and our friends in the community weren’t tempting us to go out with them on Saturday afternoon because they were in the same place we were.
I feel that we’re at a good place right now in terms of our observance level. We have a nice balance of spirituality and a connection with the secular world. We now live in a great community where most of our friends are in the same place as we are with their observance. I love participating in all the women rituals of challah, candles and mikvah. I love the shul where we daven. I love how interested my kids are in Judaism and how they sing Hebrew songs and talk about all the holidays. I love that my Friday night “dates” with my husband involve sitting at the dining room table with soft candle light in the background and warm challah on our plates. I really think I was meant to get to this place in my life.
My late maternal grandma was observant for a while and even kept Kosher when my mom was growing up. Later, she slipped out of it when my mom moved out and started her own rituals. I think my grandma would be very proud of how far I’ve come. A while ago, someone told me how when we light the Shabbos candles, we’re praying for the tradition to continue through future generations, just like our ancestors and past relatives have prayed for our generation to light Shabbos candles. Also, I am proud of my parents for regaining interest in Judaism through a shul they’ve become involved with. They made a promise to their Rabbi to light candles, say Kiddush over wine and eat challah every Friday night. They’re proud of themselves for it, as well. It’s so nice to see their renewed interest in Judaism and I think it has brought us even closer together as a family. I only hope we’re instilling strong values in our sons to keep up the traditions and start them in their own families in the future.
When I was growing up, my weekends involved going to temple on Friday nights and going to the mall, movies, birthday parties, fast food restaurants, or doing other fun things on Saturday morning and afternoon. I loved the ritual of going to temple. I’d even bring my Cabbage Patch Kid and pretend that I was the mommy taking them to temple. I wouldn’t leave the building without saying “Shabbat Shalom” to the Rabbi.
As I got older, I started going to Hebrew school and training for my Bat Mitzvah. I enjoyed learning Hebrew once I was able to pick up on it. I even taught myself the trope symbols necessary to chant my Haftarah. My Bat Mitzvah service was a very meaningful experience that I still think about occasionally.
After I became a Bat Mitzvah, I took confirmation classes. I didn’t enjoy those as much and didn’t really get a lot out of them as I had hoped. The summer before I started high school, I went to a Jewish overnight camp (Beber). It was a great experience. I loved how everyone came together for Shabbat. We all had services, a nice meal in the dining hall and Israeli dancing under the stars.
When I was a freshman in high school, I got involved with BBG and CFTY. At first I liked BBG, but later became more interested and involved with CFTY instead. I liked the meaningful and spiritual factors of CFTY. I also met some great friends through it, some of whom I am still in touch with today. Around this time, I also joined the speech team at my school and we went to tournaments every Saturday in the fall and winter.
Meanwhile, we had family friends who were Modern Orthodox and invited us to dine in their Sukkah every autumn. I loved and looked forward to that experience. Sometimes it was combined with Shabbos. It was such a beautiful experience overall. Around this time, I read a book called “What Happened to Heather Hopkowitz? It resonated with me at the time and I still think about it as an adult. I even used it for a discussion about books for Jewish adolescents in one of my classes in college.
While I was in college, I felt I slipped away from Judaism in the beginning. There were no temples within walking distance and I was the only Jewish person amongst my friends for a while. The Hillel on campus didn’t interest me much and it felt like it contained the things that I didn’t like about BBG. Then I met my first boyfriend during freshman year. He was Jewish and I think being with him helped spark a renewed interest in Judaism. We didn’t talk about it a lot and never went to temple together, but it was nice to share in Jewish holidays and be able to talk about family customs. I started going to temple just on the High Holidays, as well. Toward the end of my college days, my Jewish side came out more. When I lived off campus, I was able to light the menorah (no rules about candles, like in the dorms) and make matzo ball soup.
While I still let the world know I was Jewish after I graduated from college, I was pretty low key about my observance level. I’d still go out on Friday nights and Saturday afternoons. Most of the time was spent in the city. I spent the High Holidays with my family, but even that was minimal time in temple and just eating food afterward. In the summer of 2001, one of my best friends left to study for a year in Israel. His departure motivated me to go on a Birthright trip in early 2002. While I was there, I promised to make some changes to my overall lifestyle if I could be given a good love relationship in return (I would have also taken the opportunity to be part of the Comedy Sportz troupe as another option). I put this promise in the Western Wall, sealing the deal. In the meantime, I decided that I wanted to start becoming more involved in the Jewish community. Being in Israel really inspired me to want more out of Judaism. By the end of the trip, the educational leader said that I was “shining.”
A few weeks after I returned from Israel, I met the love of my life. It was through one of his friends and involved being in the right place and saying the right thing at the right time. Complete besherte! I had asked if my (now) husband liked going to temple, as I wanted to start going again. It turned out that he went to temple every Saturday morning. I also found out later that his friend matched us up for a reason besides bowling…that we both liked to say “besherte.” We met later that week and eventually started going to temple together. It was a nice experience and I looked forward to it every week. A month later, he took me to an event called Makor. It’s a Shabbos dinner program that takes place around the Lakeview/Lincoln Park area of Chicago. People get grouped into different homes for a Shabbos meal and then they all convene at one location afterward for social time. The first meal I went to was really enjoyable and it brought back the feelings I had when I went to a Shabbos dinner in our family friends’ Sukkah. We continued to go throughout the year and got other friends involved. Eventually, we tried to start our own group in the suburbs but didn’t have enough funding for more than 2 dinners. It was a nice program to organize though.
Around this same time, we had gone to Cleveland a few times to visit my husband’s family and enjoy some Shabbos weekends together. I loved the Shabbos meals my (now) mother-in-law hosted when we came for a visit. The first time I was there was during Sukkot. I got to relive the Shabbos in the Sukkah feel once again. Spending Shabbos with my future family was definitely another inspiration for me to become more observant.
After we got engaged in 2003, we decided to start on a path of keeping Kosher together. We took all our plates, cookware, utensils, etc. to the mikvah (after dipping everything in boiling water first). To celebrate this new plan, we decided to first stop mixing meat and dairy and also wait three hours before having dairy after a meat meal. Over the next few years, we expanded our Kosher rules to ease our way into things. Nowadays, I no longer eat non-Kosher meat. That was the hugest thing for me to give up. It meant no more burgers at Wendys! However, by that time we were living in NJ and surrounded by Kosher restaurants.
Later in 2003, I decided that we should have a Shabbos meal every Friday night instead of going out on the town. We adopted that custom and met some friends around that time with whom we shared in a lot of Shabbos meals. Maybe that was another sign from Hashem that we were headed in the right direction in regards to observance.
When we got married in 2004, we had all Kosher food at our wedding. We also followed some customs that my brother-in-law introduced to us at his wedding (badeken ceremony, walking around in a circle 7 times, the yichud room, etc). However, there was mixed seating and dancing at our reception. I don’t think I could have had it any other way.
Meanwhile, we were looking for a shul (I started referring to temple as shul when I became more observant) at which we’d both feel comfortable attending Shabbos services. After we got married, we found one! We were one of the only young couples, but everyone was really nice and the Rabbi was wonderful. We met one of our close friends through that shul, as well. It was a Traditional congregation. They followed the format of an Orthodox service, but there was no mechitzah.
Upon becoming husband and wife, we chose to participate in the custom of Taharat Hamishpachot. It means family purity. To put it nicely, a husband can not so much as touch his wife, or vice versa (or even sleep in the same bed) during the two “unclean” weeks of her cycle, until she has immersed in a ritual bath called a mikvah (not the same as the one used to make utensils Kosher). The whole experience is very meaningful and it allows spouses to get to know each other outside of the physical realm and really talk to each other. And for those who think TWO weeks are hard, try SIX (or more) after giving birth! I took classes to learn more about the process and reasons behind it and became friends with my teacher. She even invited us over for Shabbos meals from time to time, as well as a meal during Sukkot.
When our first son was born, we decided on giving him only a Hebrew name (that would be used at home and shul). There’s a custom to not reveal the name until the bris (or naming ceremony for a girl). I didn’t like the custom the first time, but came to an agreement that we’d only reveal the name if people were dying to know and couldn’t wait until the bris. At the bris, it felt so special to share the name with people hearing it for the first time, that we decided to completely wait on sharing our second son’s name until the bris. When our first son turned 3, we had a hair cutting ceremony called an upsherin and he started wearing a kipah at that time, as well as tzitzis later on.
Before we moved to NJ in 2007, we started easing our way into becoming Shomer Shabbos (and Yom Tov). We started out with a few rules and expanded it after we got comfortable with that. It meant no more shopping, movies, watching TV, checking e-mail, etc. from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. When we moved to NJ, we became completely Shomer Shabbos and it felt natural because we were within walking distance of the shul and our friends in the community weren’t tempting us to go out with them on Saturday afternoon because they were in the same place we were.
I feel that we’re at a good place right now in terms of our observance level. We have a nice balance of spirituality and a connection with the secular world. We now live in a great community where most of our friends are in the same place as we are with their observance. I love participating in all the women rituals of challah, candles and mikvah. I love the shul where we daven. I love how interested my kids are in Judaism and how they sing Hebrew songs and talk about all the holidays. I love that my Friday night “dates” with my husband involve sitting at the dining room table with soft candle light in the background and warm challah on our plates. I really think I was meant to get to this place in my life.
My late maternal grandma was observant for a while and even kept Kosher when my mom was growing up. Later, she slipped out of it when my mom moved out and started her own rituals. I think my grandma would be very proud of how far I’ve come. A while ago, someone told me how when we light the Shabbos candles, we’re praying for the tradition to continue through future generations, just like our ancestors and past relatives have prayed for our generation to light Shabbos candles. Also, I am proud of my parents for regaining interest in Judaism through a shul they’ve become involved with. They made a promise to their Rabbi to light candles, say Kiddush over wine and eat challah every Friday night. They’re proud of themselves for it, as well. It’s so nice to see their renewed interest in Judaism and I think it has brought us even closer together as a family. I only hope we’re instilling strong values in our sons to keep up the traditions and start them in their own families in the future.
A note about a quote!
I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each other's blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic comes from Desperate Madness: Your favorite quote and what it means to you
Here goes:
"Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor." Stephen Sondheim, "Into the Woods"
I chose this quote because I like the meaning behind it. I first heard it in "Into the Woods", as it was said by Cinderella. I can't remember the context behind the statement, but I've always liked the thought. I even directed a scene in my high school directing class where I used this quote as the motivating force behind the scene. I think it was regarding "Waiting for Godot," but I can't remember why I linked up the two. All I know is that it came together nicely.
I feel that the basic premise behind the quote is that once an opportunity comes along, you should seize it, as it is not going to last forever. I'm sure there are countless examples of this in my own life. Maybe it keeps me from procrastinating just a little bit. I definitely think it applies to my job hunts. I think that when a job is posted, it can be easily snatched up by someone well qualified, but I feel I should dig my heels in and send off my resume. I don't know that it will always be chosen, but I figure that if I don't, the opportunity will be gone. There are times when I'd save the link for a job posting and it would be gone by the time I got around to it. When I was about to interview for my current job, I managed to hit my eye on a shelf. I was worried that this was my way of self-sabotaging against a perfectly nice job. However, I called the interviewer and she was very understanding about rescheduling. I went in two days later and got the job afterward! I could have easily taken my eye injury as a sign not to go for such an opportunity (as my husband's car being towed on the day of his interview was a sign that he should not have taken his current job), but I'm glad I decided to reschedule and it has been well worth the wait (even if the wait was only two days between when I was supposed to interview and when I actually did).
There have been other times where I have decided to just seize the day and see what would come of it. I can't say I'm one for playing the lotto, but I don't like to leave a lot of "what ifs" just sitting out there. Even if it was just giving my phone number to a potential friend. Whether or not they called is a non-issue, but if I hadn't given them my contact information, I'd always wonder if I was losing out on a possible friendship.
Other instances of this quote coming into play:
*Recently telling someone close to me about an amazing career opportunity that they would be perfect for, but they were not ready to take the plunge at this time. I hope another similar opportunity comes up for them in the future.
*Giving my phone number to someone I barely knew so he could pass it along to his friend. At the time, I said "It might be besherte." If I hadn't given him my number at that time, I wouldn't be with the love of my life right now. (As I don't know that I would have ever encountered his friend again to do so.)
*Going to check out our house as soon as it went on the market, even though it meant making a lot of crazy last minute arrangements. We're living there now, as a result. The houses were getting snatched up so quickly in our neighborhood at that time of year, so I feel incredibly fortunate!
In any situation in life, there is going to be that window of opportunity. Once it closes, the opportunity has the potential to be gone for good.
This quote goes along with another quote I like, from "Rent." (I love musical theater, so it makes sense.) "There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today." Okay, so it's part of a song, but it makes sense to why I like the quote I chose. I think the message behind this quote doesn't need much of an explanation.
Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.
Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness
This week's topic comes from Desperate Madness: Your favorite quote and what it means to you
Here goes:
"Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor." Stephen Sondheim, "Into the Woods"
I chose this quote because I like the meaning behind it. I first heard it in "Into the Woods", as it was said by Cinderella. I can't remember the context behind the statement, but I've always liked the thought. I even directed a scene in my high school directing class where I used this quote as the motivating force behind the scene. I think it was regarding "Waiting for Godot," but I can't remember why I linked up the two. All I know is that it came together nicely.
I feel that the basic premise behind the quote is that once an opportunity comes along, you should seize it, as it is not going to last forever. I'm sure there are countless examples of this in my own life. Maybe it keeps me from procrastinating just a little bit. I definitely think it applies to my job hunts. I think that when a job is posted, it can be easily snatched up by someone well qualified, but I feel I should dig my heels in and send off my resume. I don't know that it will always be chosen, but I figure that if I don't, the opportunity will be gone. There are times when I'd save the link for a job posting and it would be gone by the time I got around to it. When I was about to interview for my current job, I managed to hit my eye on a shelf. I was worried that this was my way of self-sabotaging against a perfectly nice job. However, I called the interviewer and she was very understanding about rescheduling. I went in two days later and got the job afterward! I could have easily taken my eye injury as a sign not to go for such an opportunity (as my husband's car being towed on the day of his interview was a sign that he should not have taken his current job), but I'm glad I decided to reschedule and it has been well worth the wait (even if the wait was only two days between when I was supposed to interview and when I actually did).
There have been other times where I have decided to just seize the day and see what would come of it. I can't say I'm one for playing the lotto, but I don't like to leave a lot of "what ifs" just sitting out there. Even if it was just giving my phone number to a potential friend. Whether or not they called is a non-issue, but if I hadn't given them my contact information, I'd always wonder if I was losing out on a possible friendship.
Other instances of this quote coming into play:
*Recently telling someone close to me about an amazing career opportunity that they would be perfect for, but they were not ready to take the plunge at this time. I hope another similar opportunity comes up for them in the future.
*Giving my phone number to someone I barely knew so he could pass it along to his friend. At the time, I said "It might be besherte." If I hadn't given him my number at that time, I wouldn't be with the love of my life right now. (As I don't know that I would have ever encountered his friend again to do so.)
*Going to check out our house as soon as it went on the market, even though it meant making a lot of crazy last minute arrangements. We're living there now, as a result. The houses were getting snatched up so quickly in our neighborhood at that time of year, so I feel incredibly fortunate!
In any situation in life, there is going to be that window of opportunity. Once it closes, the opportunity has the potential to be gone for good.
This quote goes along with another quote I like, from "Rent." (I love musical theater, so it makes sense.) "There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today." Okay, so it's part of a song, but it makes sense to why I like the quote I chose. I think the message behind this quote doesn't need much of an explanation.
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