Bowling for Besherte

I entered an essay into a contest for Ladies Home Journal. The topic was "The Moment that Changed My Life." I didn't win the contest, but that frees me up to finally post this here, in honor of my NINE year wedding anniversary!

I mentioned last year on our 10 year dating anniversary that I would eventually tell this story, so now you can see how some of the catalysts fit together.

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“I have to bowl in the morning” is probably the dorkiest thing I could have said while standing outside a Lincoln Park bar at 2 a.m. on a weekend. It was this somewhat random utterance that changed my entire life….for the better.

Like my curly hair, a passion for bowling has been passed down through the generations of my family. Both my grandfather and father bowled, and that passion was inevitably passed down to me. So, it wasn’t odd for me when a guy I was dating in the beginning of the new millennium asked me to join a breakfast bowling league with him. For anyone else, waking up on Sunday at 8 a.m. to go bowling would be crazy, but I thought it would be a good start to the day. My dad was thrilled and we would practice together. The league was short-lived and didn’t even go an entire season. During the short season, the guy and I decided we were better off as friends (and we still are friends....and he now bowls in my dad’s league). In the meantime, simply bowling with him had set the events of “besherte” (Yiddish for “meant to be”) in motion for me.

Although I was done dating for the time being, I wasn’t done bowling. I joined a league that my mother’s friend was in, as they were looking for a mid-season replacement. I was probably the youngest woman there and didn’t really fit well with the rest of the group. My mom’s friend was nice, at least. In the fall, I decided to get a group of girlfriends together and bowl in a Sunday night pizza league (at the same place where the breakfast league bowled). I had a blast with my friends and we even came up with code names for ourselves based on Sex and the City (I was Samantha). We made T-shirts with our names on them, as well! Sometimes we’d take the pizza to my apartment afterward and just hang out and chat. Anytime one of us was unavailable to bowl at our designated time, we had to pre-bowl, which meant going at a different time prior to when our league met. When Super Bowl Sunday rolled around in 2002, I was invited to a party at a close friend’s apartment. Two friends on my team had other plans, but I invited the other friend to join me at the party. We decided to meet that Sunday morning to pre-bowl.

Around this same time, I had met some guys through my best friend and the concept of “Jewish Geography.” One of the guys lived in New Jersey (I call him NJ boy), but was in town for some job interviews, so we decided to make a weekend out of going out for dinner and getting drinks. On the second night, we decided to venture into the city after dinner and hang out at John Barleycorn’s in Lincoln Park. NJ boy invited one of his friends to join us, as well. His friend seemed nice enough and we exchanged casual “hellos.” I didn’t think much else of it.

After we had left the bar, due to a misunderstanding between one of my friends and a bouncer (involving levels of sobriety), the guys decided they wanted to go back to the hotel where NJ boy was staying and hang out at the pool. And that’s when I delivered the aforementioned dorky line: “I have to bowl in the morning.” NJ boy’s friend laughed at me. I told him I knew that I sounded lame, but then he said something that had the power to change my life forever…. “I have a friend who is single, Jewish, lives in the suburbs, and LIKES TO BOWL.” Even though NJ boy’s friend was slightly inebriated, I gave him my number to pass along with doubts that he’d even do it. I did say that it could be besherte though. However, when we got back to the hotel, he called his friend…at 3 a.m.! Thankfully, he didn’t wake the guy up.

The next morning, I bowled as planned, and then came home and took a long nap. I woke to a friendly voice message from NJ boy’s friend’s friend. Naturally, he had invited me to go bowling that night. I called back and left a message explaining why I wasn’t able to join him. The next night, we talked for three hours on the phone. We also e-mailed a lot between calls. We found out that we lived about five minutes away from each other by car.

That Wednesday, he asked me to meet him at Barnes and Noble for hot chocolate. (Neither of us are fans of coffee and I always thought asking to meet for coffee sounded pretentious anyway. Asking me to meet for hot chocolate earned him mega bonus points!) As soon as we started talking, I just knew we had a future together. I had never felt so comfortable with anyone like I did with him. About a week later, we had our first real date….bowling, of course. He taught me how to walk while throwing the ball and improved my score big time!

After that first date or so, we soon became inseparable. We would go on many bowling dates and support each other at league games. I was still bowling with my girlfriends and he was bowling with the guy I used to date. (Later he joined my dad’s league for a while, as well.) He proposed to me on a cruise the following spring. We were married a year later. Since then, we have grown together with our Jewish observance, moved to two different states and are the parents of three kids, one of whom will inevitably become a bowler too. Eleven years since that fateful night and we’re still crazy in love and make each other laugh all the time.

Thinking about the moment that caused us to meet in the first place still shakes me to my core. I shudder to think that if one thing had been different, we might have completely different lives. Or maybe we would have met under other circumstances at another time…after all, he is my besherte! However, we might not have the same kids we do now. It's all about timing.

When NJ boy’s friend connected us, he had no idea what I was looking for in a guy. This was his first time meeting me, after all. All he knew was that his friend wanted a girl who was Jewish, had curly hair and liked to bowl. (He said as much in his best man speech at our wedding.) And I only asked him if his friend went to temple regularly, as I had just returned from a Birthright trip to Israel and wanted to become more active with Judaism. (He answered in the affirmative.) Even so, he found me a perfect match, right down to our similar sense of humor. It was like he was created with me in mind. He even told his friend that I said “besherte” a lot, as he heard him say it often, as well. Sounds like that note I put in the Western Wall in Jerusalem, asking to have a good relationship with a guy, was finally answered! (Such a quick response time, for that matter!)

May this be a lesson that it doesn’t hurt to say what’s on your mind, even if it sounds completely silly, absurd, dorky, etc. For all you know, you may end up finding your besherte (whether it’s the love of your life, an amazing career opportunity, a new best friend, etc.) as a result!

Tale as old as time....