Breaking up is hard to do

Our blog project group has once again changed by one member, but I'm still calling it Blog Project 3.0. The newest member is Darwin Shrugged, a friend of Froggie's. I recently got to know her better through "52 Stories" and I look forward to what she has to say on the upcoming topics.

This week Darwin Shrugged chose the topic: Write a breakup letter. It can be to a person, of course, or to a place or a thing.

First, read what everyone else had to share on this topic:
Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock

I originally was going to write a breakup letter to How I Met Your Mother, but then I realized that they broke up with me instead of giving me a chance to break up with them, thanks to their series finale. (And I still waited in a long line to meet Neil Patrick Harris anyway.) So I decided to do something more abstract....


Dear Post-Pregnancy Weight:

Back in 2011, when my third child was born, I didn't think it would be such a big deal if you stuck around for a little while. After all, we had the Simchat Bat, all the meals from people in the neighborhood, and then Purim and Pesach. Add on the post-baby's-hearing-test ice cream sundae and you've got it made. So there was always an abundance of food. Plus, I still liked most of my maternity clothes and could still wear them for a little longer with your help. Again, this was back in 2011.

Post-pregnancy weight
personified

Since that time, I've been exercising a lot. We even got a new treadmill a while back. However, I can't seem to get rid of you! I try to eat right but then you tell me that one piece of chocolate won't hurt. Or you tell me that I just HAVE to try the tiramisu flavored cheesecake at the office and how can I resist that decadence?!? You're like the friend who says it's okay to steal or give into some bad peer pressure thing that I really shouldn't do. So you still linger THREE YEARS later. I am trying to find ways to make you go away, and then something will come up, like Shavuot, for instance. Only you could convince me to make a really good cheesecake and indulge in all the Costco treats. And we can't forget about monthly book club meetings, including the ones I host. There's always bound to be sweets at these meetings. Of course, if nothing else, there's the basket of chocolate on my desk. It should be for everyone else at the office. Not me. But then I get stressed out and can't help but dig into my stash. So here you stay, attached to my stomach and waist and hips and thighs and behind.

Favorite jeans from 2000

I finally got rid of my maternity clothes. That should have been a sign to you that I don't want you around. But no....you just led me in the direction of the XL shirts, skirts, and jeans. You pointed me to the best looking items and I bought them. I still have my smaller clothes on the top shelf of my closet, waiting for you to disappear. I long to fit into my favorite jeans with the ribbons on the ankles. Sure, they're from 2000, but fitting back into them is a sure sign that you're gone for good!



So here's my new plan. I'm starving you out. Not to the Orange is the New Black extreme, but you're not going to be indulged like you have been for this long. I realize that I've been using you as a crutch to combat stress and entertain my sweet tooth. The more I got to eat, the more I wasn't ready to let you go. If I have to take it in steps as to not go through withdrawal symptoms, then so be it. First step is not eating out of my chocolate basket at work. And if you don't think I have restraint, you should see me during Pesach. I am capable of giving things up. I'm hoping that I won't have to write any more letters to you like this because you'll just go away after you realize that I'm not giving you an incentive to stay.

I know you're telling me right now that I should have a better body image. That I am saying "it's not you, it's me." I'm sorry, but it really is you! I liked the way I looked before you came along and I'd like to look that way again. And I will be checking my scale on a weekly basis as soon as I get back into my exercise routine again and start cleansing myself of all these sweets. I can't say I'll entirely be able to give up the sweets, but when I have them, it will be less often and in moderation. Don't even think of sticking around to see when that will happen because this isn't a carrot I'm dangling as much as a reward every now and then for getting you out of my life. By admitting that I do like a piece of cake or a bowl of ice cream every now and then is not going to mean that I am weak or that I want you back. I'm hoping you'll get bored of waiting around for "the good stuff" and take a hike before I start giving up other things you really REALLY want me to have. I don't think you'll want to be here when that happens.

While I appreciate some of the comfort you've provided me over the past three years, I am through with you and I definitely want us to part ways.

Thank you for respecting my wishes.

Sincerely,
Melissa