Giving up on the ghost

I was inspired to write this because of a HerStories Project writing exercise about friendship at midlife. I submitted it to them, but since it didn't get chosen, a close friend said I should share it anyway....

Fifteen years ago, the concept of “ghosting” didn’t exist yet. It happened to me though, and I didn’t know how to define it at the time….

I had a great friendship with a girl I connected with during the end of my second to last year of college (back in the late 90s). We had a lot of interests in common and so much to talk about. We’d e-mail all the time and even tell each other stuff that was deeply personal.

During the summer before my last year of college, she moved out to my neck of the woods, so I tried to connect her with some people to make her adjustment that much easier. One attempt was to introduce her to a guy as a potential love interest. That was a minor fail because she fell for his friend and they got married about two years later. For a while, we still had stuff to talk about, but less in common, as she was embarking on this whole grown-up, career-driven, married, suburban life and I was still at home with my parents after graduating college and having trouble finding jobs while in a dead-end dating relationship. It sometimes felt like she was judging my relationship at the time and looking down on me for it, but it also was a gentle nudge to say that it wasn’t the right relationship for me, even though I couldn’t see it yet.

Later, I was in a better place in my life (I had just started dating my husband and was living on my own with a stable job) and she became a mom around that same time. I was really happy for her. Things were good between us for a while, even though she was busy with the demands of motherhood.

That all changed about a year later, when she disappeared off the face of the planet. This was shortly after she and her toddler had visited me at my apartment one afternoon. I was a bit nervous because my place wasn’t child-proofed, but I still enjoyed having her child there. Afterward, I made efforts to stay in contact, but they were not reciprocated. The most contact I had from her was a short reply to a party invitation saying she wasn’t available to attend. After some deliberation, I eventually decided not to invite her to my wedding or any parties leading up to it.

I’m disappointed that we lost contact and that I never had an explanation as to why. I guess that’s her choice and I’ve made so many other good friends since then. Sometimes I wonder what things would have been like if we had stayed friends. A couple of years after she cut off contact, I had my first child. I imagine that we would have had a lot to talk about and that I would have asked her for parenting advice. Especially since both our firstborns are the same gender. Would we have stayed in touch when I moved to another state? Would we have been connected on social media? Fifteen years feels like a lifetime, and I’m only in my early forties. That’s a decade and a half of experiences we didn’t get to tell each other about.

What I also wonder is if she ever thinks of me. I try to keep her out of my mind, but things will come up that remind me of her. I still remember her birthday. Sometimes I see celebrities who look like her on TV or in movies. She sometimes appears in my dreams and we have conversations. And I wonder how I’d react if she ever realized the error of her ways and came back to me to ask forgiveness. I don’t see that ever happening, but I would hope I would have it in me to hear her out and forgive her.

I feel like being ghosted by this friend has colored the way I see my friendships since then. I have a hard time trusting the friendship, even when I probably have nothing to worry about. If I don’t hear from a friend for a certain amount of time, I get all paranoid and emotional about it and over-analyze everything I’ve said and done in their presence or via e-mail. I do have a lot of wonderful friends whom I trust, but there’s always that nagging feeling that I’ll do one little thing to mess up the friendship and it will be like this situation all over again. And given that I have so many fulfilling and meaningful friendships now, why do I still think of this one friend and what could have been? The one thing I have learned from this is to not ghost my friends. If it’s a mutual parting of ways, that’s one thing, but I won’t put a friend through what I have been through.

Some parts of this post were taken from a post I wrote in 2010: Friends 'til the "end"

Disney movies I don't like

A while back, I posted about my favorite Disney movies. At that time, I promised I'd post about the ones I didn't like. Well, the time has finally come...

In no particular order:

Pirates of the Caribbean: The first one was okay, but then they had to keep making sequels and the sequels were just annoying. That made me dislike the first one even more.



Pete's Dragon (original): I watched this with my older son a long time ago and thought it was just so disturbing (all the child abuse going on). It even ruined "Candle on the Water" for me. I liked the remake so much better, and I don't always say that about remakes.




The Fox and the Hound: I watched expecting to be emotionally impacted, but it just dragged for me and I felt nothing.




Robin Hood: I just found it boring.



Frozen: This says it all.




The Princess and the Frog: No memorable songs (I only know one line in "Almost There" and that's the first line of the chorus) and the villain gave me the creeps.



Pinocchio: I also found this one boring.



Tarzan: If the characters had actually sung (aside from Rosie O'Donnell singing nonsense words), I might have liked it.



The Good Dinosaur (Pixar): I was expecting so much more from this than I got and some parts involving villains felt disturbing to me.



Brave (Pixar): This one fell flat for me and it was basically Brother Bear meets Beauty and the Beast.



Runner up: Newsies. I love the music, but take that away and the story is so boring. Thankfully the stage musical gave it new life.

Fourteen years of laughter

Today is my fourteen-year anniversary with my husband. To celebrate, I want to share some of the many ways he makes me laugh.

*Making up songs and trying to find things that rhyme to get to what he wants to say.

*Changing the words in books when he reads to the kids, so that they sound Jewish. (My favorite was "Uncle Pinchas" in a Pink Panther book.)

*When I know he's about to make something up because he has a certain smile and tone of voice when he does it.

*His celebrity impressions, especially of Milton from Office Space. He also could rival Alec Baldwin with a certain impression.

*Referencing our inside jokes.

*When he calls me out on something I'm doing so that I'm hyper-aware of it afterward.

*When he laughs...since his laughter is contagious.

*When he sends me random videos or articles but includes a funny subject line.

*His fun with Photo Shop.

*When he reads my mind (or vice versa)

*When we makes personalized cards for me that usually involve our inside jokes, or when he writes funny things on a card he bought.

No matter what, my husband is always able to make me laugh and I always tell him that he missed his calling as a comedian. He tells me that I'd have to clone myself to be a good audience for him. I do feel that laughter is extremely important for a marriage to go the distance and I'm so thankful I've found someone who will make me laugh until I am doubled over and tears are streaming down my face.

http://www.inktastic.com

One Short Day in [the] New York City

A while back, I had heard about Kids' Night On Broadway, but I thought it would be too much of a hassle to take my kids to NYC. This past winter I changed my mind. My older son and daughter had been talking about wanting to see Wicked, so I decided to make it happen. I also got a ticket for my younger son, as I didn't want to leave him out. He was reluctant to see it at first, but then he still went along with us, as I promised him a visit to the National Museum of Mathematics (MO Math) before the show.

The morning of the trip, we took a Vamoose bus to NYC. It was a relatively smooth ride, but the sockets didn't work to charge our phones and other devices. That was rather annoying. After we arrived, we checked into our hotel (Hampton Times Square South) and then had a quick lunch and we were off to MO Math. I wasn't really sure what to expect when we got there. I had researched it online, but it was even more incredible in person. Everything was hands-on and interactive. The kids couldn't get enough of the place. Some highlights were the basketball machine, the painting screen, the floor that had different electronic puzzles, and the 15 game. I had a very hard time getting them to leave when it was time to head back to the hotel to change for dinner and the show.

Painting screen

Floor with electronic puzzles

A very frustrating challenge, but my son liked it.

After we had some time to rest and get ready, we met up with one of my friends at Mr. Broadway. I haven't seen this friend since 1990, but it was like no time had been lost. We had reconnected via Facebook a few years ago and it was really nice to meet up in person again!

After dinner, we made our way over to the Gershwin Theater. The streets were so busy and crowded, but well-lit thanks to all the electronic signs around Times Square. We just barely got to the theater on time and had maybe five minutes before the show started to find our seats. This was my third time seeing Wicked, but the first for my kids. However, it felt like the first time for me, since I last saw it in 2005. I didn't know any of the actors, but they all did an amazing job. Amanda Jane Cooper reminded me a lot of Kristin Chenoweth. We saw a standby for Elphaba (Mariand Torres), but she gave an emotional and powerful performance. The guy who played Fiyero (Ashley Parker Angel) was cute, but had too much of a boy band appeal to him (which is ironic since I first saw Joey McIntyre in the role). By the last quarter of act two, I was crying non-stop. I also never gave much thought to how politically relevant it is in this day and age. When I last saw it, that wouldn't have crossed my mind as much as it does now.

After the show, Mariand addressed all the kids there and told them how she first saw Wicked as a kid and her best friend told her she'd be on that stage someday. It was very inspiring for my older son, who wants to be on Broadway when he's an adult. My younger son gave the show a chance, which is all I could hope for. He even laughed a lot during some parts and actually got into the story. (He had a lot of questions!) My daughter loved it and was singing "Defying Gravity" afterward.

Younger son's pre-show face

After we made our way out of the theater, we waited with a small group to meet the cast. We got to meet Amanda, Mariand, Kristen Martin (Nessarose) and Isabel Keating (Madame Morrible). Everyone was so nice to the kids. My younger son wanted nothing to do with meeting the cast and was being impatient, but my older son was living it up. The actresses adored him and Mariand commented on how nicely he was dressed. My daughter was a bit shy about meeting everyone, but did get in one picture.

Kristen Martin

Isabel Keating

Amanda Jane Cooper

Mariand Torres

The hotel stay was fine. The room was about as tight as our room on the cruise last year, but the beds were comfortable and they had hot cocoa in the dining area, so that was a perk for the kids.

The next morning, I woke up a bit early and watched This is Us before we had to get ready. Then we all got ourselves together and went out for breakfast next to the bus stop. We met up with two of my close friends there (L.R. and A.S.). It was nice to catch up with them and they got along really well with each other. 

L.R. on the left, A.S. on the right

With the birthday girl (even though L.R.'s birthday was that week too)

After breakfast, we caught the bus back home (this time the sockets worked) and someone fell asleep for part of the trip. (I will admit I got in a tiny nap too.)

Yes, she's wearing a Greatest Showman shirt.

Overall, it was a great trip and one I'll be thinking back upon and smiling. If I decide to do this again, I'd probably find a show all three kids could agree on and also would see if my husband wanted to be a part of things. I would definitely recommend doing Kids Night On Broadway (kids see shows for free, so tickets end up being half-price) and just making the time to go out there for a day or so. And while you're there, go to MO Math. :)

You might be a "Showfan"

I'm sure you all know how obsessed I am with The Greatest Showman. I thought I'd make a fun list so that you could see if you are as much of a "Showfan" as I am.

You might be a "Showfan" if....

*You see a pink wig and think that it would be great for dressing up as Ann.

*You don't care that the story was totally changed around from real life.

*You sing the songs constantly and find ways to fit them into conversations.

*You entered your child into a Greatest Showfan contest because they are also a Showfan.

*You don't like circuses, but you are considering going to one again (if the price is reasonable and no animals are involved).

*You are planning to write Passover parodies of some of the songs.

*You want Randy Rainbow to do one of his fabulous parodies to one of the songs.

*You can't stop talking about The Greatest Showman and recommend it to everyone you know.

*Your friend made you a cool needlepoint with a line from your favorite song from the movie.

*You live vicariously through your friends who are seeing it for the first time.

*You are counting down the days until it is available on DVD.

*The only Oscar nomination you care about is for "This is Me" as Best Song, but then you are extremely disappointed that it didn't win. (Even if you're glad Coco won for Best Animated Feature Film, the main song doesn't hold a candle to "This is Me.") Check out Keala Settle's performance at the Oscars.

Did I miss anything? If so, feel free to share in the comments!

If you have not seen this amazing movie yet, check out the trailer to see why you shouldn't miss out!

Hey, it's okay!

I haven't done one of these in a while and decided to share a list. Hopefully it will also help me get back in the swing of things with blogging on here. (Aside from just posts about pop culture. I realize I haven't gotten personal in a while.)

www.airingmylaundry.com

Hey, it's okay...

*To have spent the evening of Valentine's Day meeting one of my favorite authors....Kristin Hannah

*To have no interest in the Winter Olympics.

*To have no idea what musicals my younger son does or does not want to see.

*To enter the Domino Sugar baking challenge.

First challenge: Red velvet cupcakes

*To be sad that season three of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is done until the fall.

*To be excited for the return of Younger this summer.

*To read the book written by Jane from Jane the Virgin. The cover is a bit smutty looking, but it got me some street cred at work!

*To feel sympathy toward a stalker/serial killer from Caroline Kepnes' novels. Santino Fontana makes Joe Goldberg sound like the good guy, even when he's bad.

*To be annoyed that some of my favorite celebrities will be in my neck of the woods when I am not available to see them.

*To have enjoyed Something Rotten. It was hilarious!

*To refuse to watch the director's cut of Little Shop of Horrors. I caught a glimpse of one of the scenes a while back, and was traumatized. Happy ending for me only. Seymour and Audrey belong together somewhere that's green!

*To be annoyed that my phone has a bunch of cracks in it and that it costs more than the phone is worth to get it repaired. #FirstWorldProblems

*To like my husband's banana bread even though I won't so much as touch a banana.

*To cry whenever the quiet nun sings really well in Sister Act.

*That the actress who plays Beverly Goldberg replied to my tweet!

*To have Greatest Showman-itis. My friend describes it as: "A maddening, yet wonderful syndrome whereby whenever one wakes up, a song from The Greatest Showman is invariably coarsing through one’s brain. Symptoms include refrains of “Never enough, never never” and the “oh oh oh oh oh” chant from the movie’s opening that cannot be removed at any time!

Sing along time! :)




*That my "baby" is turning seven soon and I'm letting her have a sleepover party with her friends to celebrate. (May my sanity stay intact by the time it is over...)

*To not have seen any of the Best Picture Oscar nominations. (I did see some of the best animated nominees...Coco had better win!) Not like I'll watch the Oscars anyway, unless the station is generous with live streaming.

*To have gone to a painting event in my neighborhood. No "sipping" was involved, but we did get pizza!

And on a more serious note, it's okay....

*To be dismayed over how adults are handling the Florida situation. I'm pleased to see all the teenagers who have been taking action after a traumatizing day. As the late Whitney Houston said: "I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way." Even so, it is horrible that kids and teenagers should have to go through any of this. That they should have to worry about standing up for their LIVES! I thought Columbine was a one-off, but things have become progressively worse since then. As a parent, this sickens me even more. It should sicken everyone, but some people blame and attack the victims. Thoughts and prayers aren't helping anyone anymore! (Not that they did to begin with.)

You do/you don't wanna be crazy: Thoughts on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend season 3 (with spoilers)

Season three of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has come and gone, along with a new theme song. This one is not as upbeat as the previous two, but it definitely gets stuck in my head a lot. In season three, not only is Rebecca going through a lot of changes, but her friends are too. There are some interesting twists and turns that I did not see coming this season. I like how they took some bold initiatives in talking about mental illness. There were also guest appearances by Josh Groban, Rory O'Malley (from Hamilton), Lyndon Smith (90210, Parenthood), and David Wain (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp/Ten Years Later).

I will be posting my favorite episodes and songs, so this will include spoilers. If you haven't watched this season (or the series), start at the beginning and then come back here when you're done. It's on Netflix and worth binge-watching. Enjoy the theme song, in the meantime...

Season 1 thoughts
Season 2 thoughts




Top 5 favorite episodes:
Episode 3: Josh is a Liar (I like how Rebecca goes out of her way to cover her own butt, even if it means discrediting Josh.)
Episode 5: I Never Want to See Josh Again (Naomi is back! And so is Audra Levine. I can't say I liked the ending, but it felt raw and honest.)
Episode 6: Josh is Irrelevant (a great follow-up to episode 5 and it reveals a lot about Rebecca and her friends).
Episode 11: Nathaniel and I are Just Friends (The time jump was so clever to move the story along. And it wasn't even that huge of one. I loved the Rent references. And it was nice to learn something new about Paula.)
Episode 12: Trent?! (As annoying as Trent is, it was a funny and entertaining episode overall. I also liked learning more about Valencia this time around.)


Top 10 favorite songs (links are to videos):
Let's Generalize About Men (If you like the 80's, you'll love this song. It's very fitting to what is going on in the world today.)
The End of the Movie (Josh Groban sings this one and it has some major spoilers for the season, but it is so funny. It's not on Spotify for some reason.)
Strip Away My Conscience (Very, very sexy. Video is NSFW.)
This is My Movement (Valencia indirectly singing about poop was so funny.)
A Diagnosis (An upbeat song about Rebecca finally getting some answers.)
Heinous Bitch (A 50's style song about Rebecca's mom.)
Buttload of Cats (Going all Avenue Q with this song.)
Get Your Ass Out of My House (Lourdes is so funny with this song and I hope I can remember it if my kids ever outstay their welcome. ;) )
Without Love You Can Save the World (Cute and fun song)
Horny Angry Tango (Another NSFW video. I love the chemistry between Rebecca and Nathaniel.)

I look forward to season four and will be interested to see which direction they take Rebecca's life and what the new theme song will be.

If you made it this far, tell me what your favorite episodes/songs were.