Keep it Gay....

Ever since I started going to midnight showings of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” I have taken an interest in gay guys. My first encounter was a crush on one of the guys from the cast I was in. He was the first positive encounter I had with a gay guy around my age. (I knew others who were older and also cool in their own right, but this was more of an actual peer.) Once we were talking on the phone and he said “I love talking to you!” I took that as a major compliment! When the show started moving around theaters and the cast started going their separate ways, I lost track of him. We reunited through Myspace and Facebook. Through his friend list, I was able to reconnect with other friends from cast with whom I had lost touch.

In 1997, I saw “My Best Friend’s Wedding” and was jealous of the relationship Julianne had with George, her gay best friend. I also loved the connection Carrie and Stanford had on “Sex and the City.” And then there was “Will and Grace,” in 1999 which I had heard of but never thought to watch. I didn’t really have any of my own gay best friends (it’s different with my friends who are lesbians, but I don’t want to discredit my friendships with them either). I think some of the guys who were in the V.C. Andrews club (that I founded in 1996) were gay, but I wasn’t hanging out with them in person either. I hung out with one gay guy during the summer of 1998. We connected through an online group about "Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind" and he came up for Pride weekend to hang out. He was nice but I didn't like his boyfriend much. We fell out of touch shortly after that weekend, but it was fun hanging out with a gay guy even for a short period of time.

Around Halloween in 1999, one of my closest male friends came out to me. I think he was worried about how it would affect our friendship and waited 2 years to tell me. Once he did, it completely took our friendship to a whole new level. I first told him how much I wanted a gay best friend and compared our friendship to “Will and Grace” (which I hadn’t even started watching yet at the time he came out). He was in college one state away, but we hung out at breaks and when he was in town for a weekend. I also went to visit him at school a few times during the following year. His coming out to me was a positive influence on my life. He helped me realize (in ways that my mom never could) that my relationship with my boyfriend at the time was going nowhere. I had more to talk about with him than some of my girlfriends. When he finished up school for the summer, we hung out all the time and went to clubs after he turned 21. We would go to shows together, as well. He was even my date for a wedding that summer. We also went to the Pride parade together with one of his friends (who now lives closer to me, but whom I haven't hung out with yet). We still have a few laughs over Pride weekend that year. I even got him interested in "Too Much Light..." When he left for school that fall, I felt a void and missed him a lot. However, it was good preparation for all the years we’d be living in different states in the future. We still got to hang out during his school breaks. I even went on a road trip to Louisville with him that fall. We still laugh about some of the things that happened during that trip. We have a lot of fun inside jokes like that though.

In the winter of 2000, when I started my second job, I became friends with another gay guy through work. Just to backtrack a little, there was a gay guy at my previous job whom I adored and had fun talking to. We got together outside of work every so often, but usually with our mutual friend (the receptionist I talked about in “Get a Job”). My mom was teasing me that the only guys I seemed to attract were gay, but I didn’t mind. He ended up following me to my company later on, but we lost track of each other after he left. In any case, it was my second week at the new job and there was a formal holiday party coming up that weekend. He and I decided to go together. He came over to my place first to help me get ready (as stereotypes would have it, he was a better dresser than me) and won me over immediately when he put my “Rent” CD on and started lip-syncing to “Take Me or Leave Me.” On the way to the party, he scored more brownie points by putting the “Coyote Ugly” soundtrack into the CD player. After that, we hung out a lot and watched movies and musicals, as well as went to gay clubs on weekends. I was worried that I was replacing my “Will”, but he was more of a “Jack.” He even did the “Jack Face” if I did a good enough job insulting him (all for fun). I introduced him to my “Will” that spring and we all had fun hanging out. They both knew me better than most boyfriends had in the past and bonded by making fun of my quirks. They were doing it out of love, so I didn’t mind. We all went to the Pride Parade together that summer, as well as a lot of gay clubs and other shows. I also got “Jack” interested in “Too Much Light…” (we even went to see it in DC recently). “Will” and “Jack” are the only two who are allowed to tease me about Hume Cronyn (even though it means that I was right about something).

When my husband and I started dating, I made sure that he got to meet both my gay guy friends. The timing worked out well because “Jack” was moving out of state. I stopped watching “Queer as Folk” around that time because it reminded me of him and made me even sadder about him moving. (Oddly enough, his Super Bowl party in 2002 was a catalyst that led to events for me to meet my husband the way I did.) Both guys attended our wedding and came in from out of state for it. “Will” stood up in our wedding and also sang during part of the ceremony and toward the end of the reception. After that point, I still got to see “Will” every so often, but it would be almost 5 years before I got to see “Jack” again. “Will” lived in NJ at this time and my sister and I went to visit him in the fall of 2004. That was a fun weekend. He took us all over NYC. (We were also with one of my close friends who is a lesbian. It was our big gay weekend.) When my husband and I moved to NJ (while he was living in TX and later back in Chicago), he visited us a few times when he was in the area. One time, I met up with him for breakfast in the city. We also saw him on our trips to visit Chicago. He always found a way to make time for us, even if it was only for a few hours.

I finally got to see “Jack” again when I went to DC for the first time in November 2008. It was so great to be able to give him a big hug in person, even though he still knew how to drive me crazy. :) We hung out for a while, but the kids were with us too. We couldn’t really go clubbing. I did get to see his house though! After we moved to MD, we met up with him for breakfast on my older son’s birthday. Then I saw him again when he took me to see “Too Much Light” this past December. I’m hoping to see him again soon. It’s nice to know that he lives close by and I hope to have some “girl” time with him soon. :)

In the meantime, my sister has become close friends with “Will.” They hang out all the time. I’m happy that they are close though. A friend had asked me if I was jealous of their friendship. I haven’t told her this yet, but I did share my answer with “Will.” I just explained that I knew we’d still be friends no matter how many miles were between us or how often we got to hang out. We communicate a lot and we still have a connection that will not be broken over time or distance. I’m happy that he and my sister get to hang out a lot because their friendship makes her happy. I mentioned how we’d hang out more often if I still lived in Chicago, but I made the choices in my life that led me to where I am now. I have no reason to be selfish about whom he hangs out with while I’m living farther away. And if I need my gay men time, “Jack” is nearby, as well as “Will’s” friend (from our first Pride Parade together).



At the Chicago Pride Parade in 2001 with "Will" and "Jack" (from left to right, with me in the middle)