We'll always have T.G.I. Friday's

This week’s Friendship Friday post is about J.J.

I met J.J. during my junior year of college. I had started a V.C. Andrews online fan group toward the end of sophomore year and she joined around October. I saw that she had an e-mail address from my school, so I contacted her about it. We met up for dinner one evening in November. She seemed kind of shy at the time, but was nice and I enjoyed talking to her. After that, we started meeting up for lunch once a week. We’d make fun of police reports and classified ads in the school newspaper. We also talked about “90210” and “Sweet Valley High” a lot, amongst other things.

The following year, we continued to hang out and became closer. We’d meet up during school breaks, as well. She didn’t live too far from where my family and I were living. Most of the time, we’d have dinner at T.G.I. Friday’s because it was a good in-between spot and we liked the food. We continued to talk about the funny stuff from the newspaper (this time it was one close to where we lived).

We continued to stay close throughout our transition from college to adulthood and beyond. We expanded our dining out locations to include Baker’s Square and Applebee’s. We met up at Randhurst a lot too (a once nice mall that wasn’t doing too well after a while). I introduced her to some of my friends and I also hung out with some of her friends whom I met through college. At one point, there were four of us who would get together in the city and go to Chinatown often. (They were even nice enough to include my husband occasionally.) We’d also meet up at Old Orchard and go to Cheesecake Factory for dinner.

She and I, along with two other friends (different from the ones in the city), joined a bowling league in 2001. We’d bowl and dine on pizza every Sunday night. We got some good inside jokes out of that experience, based on some of the crazy people who bowled against us. We’d all get together outside of bowling just to hang out. We even made team shirts! We also used “Sex and the City” character names as our bowling aliases.

J.J. is obsessed with India. It’s something very unique for someone who feels like her name combination is so common. I’ve never been all that interested in India (even after going to a Hindi wedding), but I enjoyed hearing her talk about Bollywood and shopping with her on Devon Avenue in Chicago. We have a lot of interests in common aside from V.C. Andrews and what we don’t have in common, we still learn about new things from each other. She is also an honorary aunt to my sons. (She’s also an honorary aunt to her friend’s daughters, but that doesn’t take away from my boys, as she still shows that she’s thinking about them.)

When we moved to NJ, she took the news harder than I expected and there was a little tension at first. However, I make sure to see her whenever we’re in town for a visit and we stay in touch via e-mail and Facebook. We still have a lot to talk and laugh about. I hope she’ll come to visit us in Maryland sometime, as that would be a lot of fun. I know the boys would also love to spend some quality time with their “aunt”. No matter how many miles there are between us, we’ll always have T.G.I. Friday’s.

From vet to Alef-Bet

I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each others' blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.

Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.

Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness

This week’s question has been brought to us by Charmingly Random: As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? As a grown up, did you choose the profession you wanted as a child? If you didn't, what drew you to the profession you have?

If you just met me on the street today or even just got to know me more recently, you would have no idea that I first wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up. As a kid, I grew up with a lot of pets. That meant many trips to the vet for us. I always enjoyed accompanying our pets on these “adventures.” The vet was really nice and referred to them as “beasties.” I would then go home and play vet with my stuffed animals. I think I changed my career choice when I found out that vets have to euthanize animals sometimes. I couldn’t even imagine doing that, no matter how much the animal was suffering. I also think the jar with the dog heart that was infested with heartworm grossed me out and that also contributed to my loss of interest in the veterinary field. Not to mention that I didn’t want to be peed on by an animal I didn’t live with on a daily basis (that was gross enough in itself).

Eventually I decided I’d rather be an orthodontist because I was getting braces and I thought our orthodontist’s office was really cool. I also knew that orthodontists didn’t have to give root canals or pull teeth. However, I changed my mind about that when I couldn’t stomach the idea of having my hands inside peoples’ mouths all day long, whether or not I had protective gloves on. And I didn’t want to contribute to the torture that was an accumulation of impressions and the painful first days of braces.

I am now a grown-up (at least I tell that to my kids) and I work in the field of my religion, at a non-profit organization. This is the first job I can honestly say that I truly love (while I loved the people I worked with at my job in NJ, there’s something different about where I am now). I talk about it all the time and am proud to tell people where I work and what I do. I know I am almost starting over in my career by being an administrative assistant again, but I feel that there are a lot of places to go within this organization and I see myself staying here for a long time. There are people who have been here for over 20 years and I admire their dedication to the organization and to their job. I’d love to one day be able to tell newcomers that I’ve been here for 20 plus years and about all the things I’ve done here and the people I’ve met. I truly feel a sense of longevity here. When I was first looking for jobs after college, a job at a Jewish organization interested me, but I didn’t have the same passion I have now. When I was in NJ, I also tried to find jobs in the field of Judaism but had no luck. The first interview I had out there was for a Jewish organization on Wall Street, but the commute was too long to justify being there every day. I had a kid to worry about, as well. I also interviewed at some other Jewish organizations but they required work on Sundays and that wasn’t something to which I felt I could commit. I also envied a girl who was the Jewish liaison for the local hospital. It sounded like such an amazing and meaningful job. I ended up working for an Orthodox couple and helping them with an aspect of their medical billing business. While the business itself had nothing to do with Judaism, I liked that we were able to connect on that level and that I didn’t have to worry about taking time off for Shabbos or holidays. When I landed the interview (and then the job) at my current organization, I was ecstatic! (Of course, I felt even better once I had childcare lined up for after school hours.) I’ve been at this job for almost 5 months and feel like I’ve been here for years. It may not be curing pets or straightening teeth, but it’s meaningful to be here and that’s what’s important to me now.

Start spreading the news....

I have been thinking about my late paternal grandpa a lot with his birthday coming up in a couple of weeks. This is the first year I can't call him or send him a card. I do plan to call my grandma that day because I know how hard it will be for her. In any case, I was in my car on the way home from work and was thinking about him and wondering if he was okay up in Heaven. I asked him to send me a sign and figured it would be in the form of a Sinatra song. Then I thought that maybe "American Idol" could have a Sinatra theme, but dismissed the idea because they did rat pack music last year. Tonight, I was watching the results show and they announced that next week's theme (featuring Harry Connick Jr. as the guest mentor) is none other than....SINATRA! I actually got emotional when I heard this exciting piece of news.

Papa Morrie....think of this as an early birthday gift.

I'm not even supposed to BE here today!

This past week was somewhat low-key until the later half. I enjoyed the Madonna episode of “Glee” and got on a Madonna kick for the rest of the week, playing her CDs in my car and blogging about her. I got a cool package in the mail after winning a contest on Jane Porter’s blog. It was “Italian For Beginners” by Kristin Harmel, a signed copy of “Easy on the Eyes”, a Starbucks gift card, a chocolate bar and some promotional items for “She’s Gone Country,” which is coming out this summer.

Thursday night, I got to see “An Evening with Kevin Smith.” He came to 6th and I Synagogue in DC to speak and answer questions from the audience. I got to ask him a question, but his answer was so naughty that I’m not going to put it up here. Let’s just say that a lot of the stuff he talked about was not fit for a synagogue. ;) He also signed a book of his screenplays that I had bought in 1997. I’ve wanted to be in the same room with him for almost 15 years and that finally came true. He can really talk though…he’s nothing like Silent Bob. He went on from 8:00 until 11:30 just going off on tangents and telling stories about his life, spurned by questions like mine. Some of his answers were funny and others were serious and thoughtful. He waited till the end to sign my book, but his signature was worth the wait. :) One of my friends also was there, as was her brother, who is a die-hard fan. Kevin even knows him by name! He had his tickets prior to the show and got them autographed by Kevin. He exchanged one of them for my unsigned ticket, which I thought was really nice. My friend was telling me how her brother goes to all sorts of Kevin Smith related events and meets a lot of different fans (he even met his fiancée through a fan group). He was really nice about giving me tips for how to get Kevin to sign my book and ideas of what kinds of questions he wouldn’t make fun of. Thankfully, my question didn’t get made fun of at all.

Saturday afternoon, we had friends over for snacks and board games. It was a nice time and I got to know one of them better. My husband got to teach some friends how to play Hex Hex, which is this game I have very little interest in playing. They all seemed to like it, so he’s happy about that. After Shabbos, one of the couples came back over and we watched “Happy Gilmore.” I still love that movie. (Adam Sandler is another actor I’d like to meet and whom I’ve liked for the same amount of time I’ve liked Kevin Smith.)

Sunday was a busy day involving a friend’s son’s birthday party (during which both my sons were being super crabby) and a bowling event from a group for families who have kids with hearing loss. I bowled pretty well, better than I have in a long time. I’m sure the bumpers helped, but I kept the ball going pretty straight otherwise. My older son scored two strikes at the end. I was so excited for him! It would be cool to sign him up for lessons or a kid’s league someday, if he maintains an interest in the sport. Like father (and mother, in this case), like son! While it was a fun event, there wasn’t much opportunity to socialize. We met one other family with whom I exchanged contact information. That was it though. Afterward, we went out for ice cream.

Sunday night, my older son wasn’t feeling well and I ended up keeping him home from school as a result on Monday. We ended up watching “Enchanted” Monday afternoon. He really enjoyed it and asked to watch it again later that day. He kept describing it as a movie about a princess who falls through a waterfall and turns into a person. He also mentioned something about there being a lot of magic involved. I forgot how much I liked that movie. The last time I saw it was after my younger son was born. This time around, I kept getting emotional. I could see a bit of myself in Giselle. She has an optimistic outlook on life and love. While reality sometimes proves to be the opposite, she stays strong in her faith. I had a friend recently tell me something about myself that was similar to how Giselle sees the world. At first I felt like it was an insult but now I see things differently. It’s nice to be optimistic. I don’t think I’m as extreme as Giselle, but she also lived in a fairy tale land. However, it’s nice to think that there’s a “happily ever after” for everyone, even if it does make me sound like I exist in some sort of Glinda-like bubble. In the meantime, I end up singing the songs from the movie for days after I’ve seen it. In line with being happy, I got my older son a book called “1,401 Things to be Happy About.” Some are suggestions and others are things he can fill in himself. I’m going to raise optimistic kids; it’s in my nature to do so!

That’s all for now…

A wrinkle in time...warp

This is a random post from livejournal that I found interesting.

January 4th, 2006
11:47 am - Oh, what a day!
this morning was so sucky. there was some miscommunication between me and my husband that caused neither of us to put eitan's formula in the fridge overnight (we're supposed to do this for day care). so then i had to re-make the formula because it went bad from sitting out all night. i went to the garage to get more nursery water and somehow i got locked out of the house. thankfully, my neighbor was around so i called my husband from her house. eitan was sleeping the whole time. i just felt so bad and it was one thing i did not want to deal with today. the upside of the day is that i get a free copy of "wedding crashers" on dvd. i got tickets for this promo from a local radio station, but they were for monday and they didn't arrive till yesterday. so i wrote to them to tell them what happened and to tell them that they should send out stuff like that a week in advance. they are sending me the dvd to make up for it.

i still am so behind on writing in here and catching up with e-mail and other stuff. i'm also behind on reading other people's journals and i apologize for that. i'll get my act together soon enough. one of my new year's resolutions is to be better at keeping in touch with people. my other two big resolutions are:
1. to keep shabbat better. i'm not becoming shomer shabbos, but i'm willing to give up tv, computer time, shopping, and going to movies on shabbos. we were doing that for a while and then slacked off when daylight savings came around for the summer. that is not going to happen again.
2. to keep the house clean and organized.

i will update this soon. i don't even remember the last time i wrote anything significant in here. :P

Follow up: After the lock-out incident, I had my husband pick up a "thank you" gift for our neighbor. I'm still in touch with this neighbor through facebook, but haven't seen her in a couple of years. She lives close to my parents, but our schedules clash when I'm in town. She's really nice and is one of the few memorable neighbors from my past. I know I could count on certain other neighbors to be there in a similar situation though, Hashem forbid that should ever happen again.

Since the occurrence of this incident, I am always carrying my keys with me whenever I leave the house, even just to throw out trash. I'm so paranoid about something like that happening again.

As for the part about resolving to keep Shabbos better, I've come a long way in over 4 years. I remember taking those little steps and then doing it all the way (as much as I am comfortable with, but enough that my brother-in-law and his family will spend a Shabbos weekend in our home). I can't even imagine going to movies or shopping on a Saturday afternoon these days. I just wish more fun events were held on Sundays instead of Friday night or Saturday afternoon. I just found out about Maryland Day and it's only on a Saturday. There are also concerts and other things I have to miss as a result (i.e. Idina Menzel coming to a nearby concert park but it would be before Shabbos ends on a Saturday and also during the 9 days before Tisha B'Av.) I even had to pass up the opportunity to see "Les Miserables" (after winning tickets) because it fell on the first night of Rosh Hashanah. All I can say is that if Adam Lambert's publicists are reading this and he comes to D.C., it better be on a weeknight or Sunday or there better be multiple concerts!

In any case, I am proud of my own level of restraint, no matter how much it drives my parents and sister crazy sometimes. :)

As for the part about being clean and organized...if the cleaning lady weren't coming today, the motivation to straighten up just wouldn't be there this month! I need to get back to my FlyLady goals. I did put aside a lot for Freecycle recently though!

We'll always have "Moving Violations"

As promised, I’m going to talk about my guy friends from time to time. So I’ve decided to shake things up again for this week's Friendship Friday post by talking about one such friend. Oddly enough, they have the same initials as my friend from last week: S.S.

I met S.S. through some family friends, as they set us up for potential mate selection: In other words, they wanted us to date. I had just come out of a long relationship from college and wanted to explore all the world had to offer, so I took them up on this set-up. He was a nice, Jewish guy, after all! S.S. and I started e-mailing and then eventually talked on the phone for several hours at a time. Then we finally met in person in late June of 2000. We again spent hours talking (I can’t even remember what we talked about) until Barnes and Noble closed. (I know this sounds familiar because I also met my husband the first time at a B&N almost 2 years later.) We had forgotten to go out for dinner! We continued to talk, e-mail and get together after that. A few weeks later, he took me to the Taste of Chicago (my first time there) and we spent the whole day hanging out in the city. Then we played a random game on the train ride back where we had to name movies. I think that evening is what started the dating portion of our relationship.

We hung out often in that first month and went out for movie and dinner dates. I think we went bowling occasionally, as well. For my birthday, he got me a VHS of “Moving Violations,” which is a movie we both liked a lot. It was one of those extremely hard to get movies, so I was very touched and surprised by his efforts in obtaining it. (That fall, I got him Star Wars Monopoly for his birthday because he was a big “Star Wars” fan.)

During the rest of the summer, I thought I would be able to say the three words to him but he didn’t let me. I think at that point I realized I was rebounding and I think that opened some lines of communication for us. In the long run, I was actually glad that he stopped me from saying those words. It made it easier to just go on dates and enjoy each others’ company. We continued to go to dinner and movies and sometimes just hung out at my condo and played board games. Other times we walked around the mall. Eventually, we reached a place where we didn’t have much to talk about, so seeing a lot of movies worked well for us. He also got me involved in a bowling league (which was a catalyst for things to come). By that November, we both realized that we were better off as friends and that we still wanted to bowl together.

After we cleared that up, we talked more than we did while we were dating. We’d hang out together comfortably and our friendship was nice and easy. When we dated, he never wanted to go to Hooter’s together, but when we were friends, he was fine with it. So on one of our first times out as friends, that’s where we went for dinner. Throughout 2001, we’d get together from time to time and we’d e-mail often. He’d tell me about girls he liked and it didn’t faze me at all. I’d even give him dating advice. I asked for his advice while I was trying to meet guys. When he got into a serious relationship toward the end of that year, I was actually excited to meet his girlfriend.

After I met my husband, I introduced him to S.S. and they ended up bowling together for a while. We’d all get together for dinner, also including other friends. He’d come to our parties too. He was even at our wedding. Eventually, he broke up with the girlfriend from 2001 and started dating someone else. They were a perfect match and got married almost 2 years ago. (I went to his wedding when I was in town for a week.) I’m really happy for him. I don’t keep up with him as much as I used to, but we still enjoy catching up on each other’s lives via e-mail and possibly getting together when my family and I are in Illinois. He’s met my older son and I hope he’ll get to meet my younger son too.

Had it not been for us meeting and him getting me into bowling, I wouldn’t be where I am today. (After he got me started, I joined another league with some friends the following fall and that’s the group I was pre-bowling for the night I told my husband’s friend about how I had to bowl the next morning. It’s a chain of events!) I’m glad we’ve been friends these past 10 years and I look forward to catching up with him soon. In the meantime, I know we’ll always have “Moving Violations.”

Going environMENTAL

I thought of this topic a while ago and then never got around to writing about it. However, with today being Earth Day, it is perfect for me to talk about it now.

Growing up, I was never really an environmental advocate. The topic of the environment didn’t even cross my mind until 8th grade. And then I was turned off from it after cutting my finger while trying to cut an apple in physics class (in order to see how an apple is like Earth on the inside.) I never even recycled outside of work (and that was just paper). As an adult, I fell asleep during that Al Gore documentary (I can’t even think of the name right now.) When I lived in New Jersey, I had friends who made me more aware of environmental issues. They sold a “green” all-purpose cleaner and I bought one to support their cause. One of these environmental activists was a close friend who became our next door neighbor over time. And for some reason, I still couldn’t bring myself to recycle, even knowing that she saw what we put out for garbage.

That all changed when we moved to Maryland. I don’t know when the flip switched, but one day I just became obsessed with buying “green” bags at grocery stores and recycling everything that had a little triangle. I even took stuff home from my sister-in-law to recycle, as they didn’t have a recycling program in their neighborhood. I still use “green” all-purpose cleaner too. There was an episode of “Desperate Housewives” where Angie was getting mad at a neighbor for not separating their recyclables. It made me laugh because I could see myself doing the same thing these days. I have to confess that I’ve taken recyclables out of trash cans at work and put them in their proper place. I’m even starting to teach the kids about recycling.

I can attribute part of my environmental interest to a friend in the community who has a program for helping shuls to become more “green.” It’s called Canfei Nesharim. I helped her with a mailing for a Sukkot project last year and it was so nice to see how committed she is to the environment. The mailing was about water conservation and she was so passionate about the topic. For my time, she gave me a poster for our Sukkah about not wasting water and a cling-on (for bathroom mirrors) that said “Don’t let Precious Water Run.” I love how she put the word “precious” in there, so that we should think about cherishing water. Also, in relation to “green” shuls, one of my best friends wrote this article. I encourage you to check it out.I’m not discrediting my friends in NJ because they are also very committed. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to share their passion at the time. I think it’s also because I’m in a place I love and find to be so beautiful that it makes me want to go “green” even more. I look out my window and see beautiful flowers and bright, leafy trees. There’s also a garden and nature center right in our neighborhood that I would love to be able to enjoy on beautiful days like this.

With a dreamy, far-off look and her nose stuck in a book....

I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each others' blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.

Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.

Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness

This week's topic comes from Desperate Madness: What's your absolute favorite book?

This is such a hard question for me to answer. I've always been a bookaholic. My subject line comes from the song "Belle" from "Beauty and the Beast," said at a point where she's walking through the town while reading at the same time. I also can walk while reading, as I do it on my treadmill all the time. I have a lot of favorite books and authors. Too many to even name! Asking me to pick just one is like asking me which of my children is my favorite. Impossible! However, I do want to talk about a book that has resonated and stuck with me for the past 12 years: "She's Come Undone" by Wally Lamb.

I don't know what it is about this book, but I think about it all the time and still remember parts of it like I just read it yesterday. I love that Wally Lamb can write a woman (Dolores Price) so convincingly that I forget he's a man. It's one of those books that I couldn't put down and have since recommended to everyone I know (and even loaned out recently). It even inspired me to get an apartment for my last year of college. Despite how dark some parts of the book were, I couldn't stay away. It's definitely not a light and fluffy chick lit romance novel. It's a coming of age story that is both sad and uplifting. I always hoped for a sequel, but Dolores does get a cameo in one of his other books and you get to find out what she's been up to since this story.

No matter how many books I loved in the past and will love in the future, "She's Come Undone" will always be there to set the bar for excellent writing and storytelling.

Living in a Material World

Last night, there was an entire episode of "Glee" devoted to Madonna. It was about her music and about her personality. Sue was talking about her obsession with Madonna and it reminded me of how obsessed I was as a kid growing up in the 1980's. I wouldn't say I was as obsessed as Sue, but I was a huge fan.

I don't even remember how my obsession got started. I know one day I was given the "Like a Virgin" cassette and before I knew it, I was listening to it all the time. I think this was around 3rd grade. Maybe it had to do with seeing all her music videos on MTV. She just seemed so cool and had such a great voice. At the time, I didn’t even know how big of an icon she’d become. I had a friend in my class who also liked Madonna. One time we had to do a project and we made up a song about it by changing the lyrics to “Material Girl.” I had other friends with whom I’d also make up songs about Madonna. I recall one being about how we weren’t happy over her marriage to Sean Penn. Don’t ask...

Then there was this one time...at day camp...when I dressed up like Madonna for costume day. No one else seemed to get it though. I had blonde curly hair and a freckle above my lip. I thought that would add a natural appeal to the look I was attempting. In 5th grade art class, we all had to make these people out of construction paper. I made a replica of Madonna, of course. I got teased about it, but I still was obsessed with her. While it was around the time her “True Blue” album came out, I went with a “Dress You Up” look for the project.

I watched “Desperately Seeking Susan” and “Who’s That Girl?” even though I didn’t understand much of the story when I was a kid. I didn’t want to see “Shanghai Surprise” though. I also saw movies she made later on down the road. I still love her in “Evita.” She was perfect for the role and I loved singing along with her when I played the soundtrack.

I think I lost some interest in Madonna when I got to junior high. I’d still play her music, but Tiffany and Debbie Gibson had grabbed my interest by then, later to be replaced by New Kids on the Block. Still, she was always around, becoming more and more controversial over time. I remember hearing a lecture about “Justify My Love” when I was at a Jewish youth group retreat during freshman year of high school. During junior year, I got to sing “More” from “I’m Breathless” (Madonna’s musical contribution to “Dick Tracy”) with the women’s choir I was in at the time. I didn’t really think about Madonna much in college though. Towards the end is when “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me” came out and along with that was “Beautiful Stranger.” I still love that song and recently put it on a mix CD to play for road trips. After I graduated from college and started going to gay clubs with “Will,” I would hear more of her music being played along with her latest videos. When “Music” came out, I got the CD. I also got “The Immaculate Collection” and “GHV2” around that time. I also dressed like her for Halloween in 2001.

I still listen to her music nowadays. I think “Glee” definitely got me interested again, but I would occasionally come across one of my old Madonna cassettes and have the urge to play it. I was even playing “The Immaculate Collection” on my way to work today. It made me nostalgic and I also realized how her voice has changed so much without me even noticing it. It has flowed naturally with her age and I never gave it much thought. She sounds just as great now as she did when I was a kid. I’m impressed that such a great pop star from my youth is around for my children to hear (when they’re ready) and still seems young no matter how many years have passed.

Some of my favorite Madonna songs are: "Material Girl," "Like a Prayer," "Crazy for You," "Live to Tell," "Don't Tell Me," and "Beautiful Stranger." What are yours?

A Time Warp post about a friend who likes to do the "Time Warp"

I realize that I talk about my girlfriends more than my male friends. I've decided to post this in response to my own realization. I'm also going to incorporate my male friends in "Friendship Friday" occasionally, so be on the lookout for those posts!

Monday, July 23, 2007
The Eleventy Foot Tall Freshman
Current mood: nostalgic
Category: Friends
I had a weird dream last night. Actually, I had a few weird dreams, but this one stood out. I was having some sort of graduation party, even though it has been 8 years since I graduated from college. My friend J, from college was there. And then another version of him showed up later into the party. The first version of him was kind of quiet and didn't really respond much when I asked him questions about his life. The other was outgoing and wrote me this nice long message in the card he gave me. It was all meant to be humorous too. I couldn't figure out how two versions of the same person could be in the same room at one time. I thought it was someone completely different whom I was supposedly friends with in college.

In any case, it got me thinking about my friendship with J (from college). I met him when I was a junior and he was a freshman. He was 6'5", but said that people called him "The Eleventy Foot Tall Freshman". We actually met online through a Rocky Horror message board. He was asking if there was Rocky Horror at ISU and I had to break the bad news to him. Then he found a showing of it in Peoria, which was done sporadically throughout the year. So we drove down to Peoria a few weeks later to see it. I barely knew him at that time, and somehow trusted him to get me safely to Peoria and back.

There was never any romantic attraction between us. We were instant platonic friends. As platonic as a male and female can possibly get as friends. Well, there was the footsie incident, but that's because he was "Eleventy Feet Tall" and had nowhere to put his feet. I incorporated him into my circle of friends instantly. One night, a few of us were going back to the dorm building after Theater Ted. We all were talking. Well, J and I were talking because I could look at him without drooling. My friends called him a Greek Adonis and stared at him the way I do when I see celebrities I like. I just liked that he could help me get stuff from the top shelf of my closet and that he had access to a car. I'm such a nice friend, right? LOL! Seriously, we had a good, solid friendship. He was so unfazable that I would try to freak him out all the time. He always managed to keep a straight face and an even temper, no matter how crazy and goofy my friends and I got around him.

Whenever someone made fun of meeting people through the internet, he'd tell them that he met one of his good friends that way. (Me, of course.) It meant a lot that he would say that. He also had these catch phrases and told the same stories all the time. It was hard not to finish his stories for him, but it was endearing all the same.

We had a great friendship overall, and I still think about him from time to time. I wonder what side of the planet he fell off. I remember that he got married and had a baby a few years ago. That's all though. I try to contact him from time to time, but never hear back. It's unfortunate. I sometimes wonder if his wife doesn't like him having female friends, regardless of how platonic the friendship is or the fact that his female friend is also married with a child.

I've had other platonic male friendships that I miss too, and also contribute it to them being in a relationship with a jealous significant other. I still have some platonic male friendships that exist today. I wouldn't just write off a male friend because I got married. They are no threat to my marriage and I enjoy my friendships with them. (This includes my gay friends.) I don't go out and actually form new platonic male friendships, unless they're with husbands/boyfriends of my current or new female friends. Or if they became friends with my husband first. It's some weird system I have for myself. I just don't feel comfortable pursuing new platonic male friendships on my own, now that I am married. It's a choice I've made for myself that has nothing to do with my husband. I doubt he goes out and pursues platonic female friendships either. He's friends with my female friends and wives/girlfriends of his male friends. It's just how it works after a while.

I'm thankful for the platonic male friendships I've had in the past and ones I still have today. I enjoy having guy friends who are not biased or judgmental or trying to pursue something more than a friendship. I enjoy that they support my marriage and we can talk about fun and interesting things without there being any false pretenses. It's nice and simple. I miss the ones that have gone away and hope those guys are doing well in their lives and their relationships, wherever they are.
In the meantime, if any of my college friends know "The Eleventy Foot Tall Freshman" and still are in contact with him, let me know how he's doing or let him know that I miss him. Thanks!

Follow Up: I touched base with J online after I had my younger son. He also had a second child by then. We exchanged pictures. That's all though. I think I sent him something he'd enjoy a while back but I never received a reply.

I still am incapable of being friends with single guys unless they're friends with my husband first. It never works well otherwise, no matter how nice I might be. I usually let him take the lead on such matters. I think I only took the lead once but it was more to connect someone with my husband and then we all became friends (this was after we got married but prior to writing this entry). I'm now friends with that guy's girlfriend too.

These days, I still become friends with the wife first and if my husband and I mutually become friends with the husband, then I have no problem talking to them. I guess there are certain social patterns to ponder and this is one of them.

The only exception was when I wanted to talk to a guy friend of one of my girlfriends. They weren't together but she thought highly of him and I had no problem exchanging e-mails with him. Even then, I tried to connect him with my husband because they had some interests in common. Nothing ever came of that and I doubt we'll ever meet him in person since he's usually really busy, even when he's in my neck of the woods. I also don't have a problem reconnecting with guys I've known in the past, but it's usually easier if they're in a relationship.

Right here, right now

I usually post about things from the past, pop culture stuff or stories about my friends. I don't post much about what I'm doing in my daily life, other than maybe about my progress with FlyLady (on which I've slacked off) or knitting (on which I've also slacked off).

Where do I begin?
I could talk about Pesach first, I suppose. This year, it was hectic getting ready for Pesach, but once all was said and done, it was a pleasant experience. My mother-in-law and stepfather-in-law came for the first days and nights. We all went to our friends' house for the first seder. It was really nice and the food was delicious. My younger son had a throw-up incident (we think he has reflux), but the female host is a pediatrician so it didn't faze her much. I also enjoyed talking to the female host's older sister. She and I had a lot in common. My in-laws got to talk to the female host's parents and they seemed to enjoy themselves too. After the little ones went to sleep, my older son found the afikomen. It's funny to give "hot and cold" clues to a 4 year-old. They just don't get it. I remember trying it with my cousin at that age and she didn't get it either.

The rest of the Yom Tov meals were just for the 6 of us. My husband made some delicious dishes that didn't taste Pesach-like at all. I made some food from boxes and my mother-in-law put together some tasty treats too. The best dessert I made that week came from a box...chocolate chip cookies. They were so soft and flavorful. My in-laws also got these delicious almond cookies and macaroons from a local bakery.

The second night seder was a lot of fun. My husband planned an activity for the boys where Pharoah would "call" them and request that they build a pyramid. Then they got to play with blocks for a while. When we got to the plagues, my husband had a toy or activity for each plague. When it came to lice, he took straws and inspected everyone's hair, like the school nurses used to do.

For the first day of Chol Hamoed, the boys and I took a day trip to Lancaster, PA. My brother-in-law and his family were staying there for all of Pesach, as my sister-in-law's family lives there. We wanted to see them and meet the new baby. It was a beautiful day out, so the kids got to play outside a lot. And I got to enjoy my sister-in-law's mother's delicious matzah lasagna and matzah mac and cheese.

During the time of Chol Hamoed, we ate lots of matzah pizza, enjoyed a relaxing Shabbat with some friends, watched "The Blind Side" and went to see the cherry blossoms in DC. Then we were back to Yom Tov again. The first night, we hosted a guy who was new to the community and also single. We had lunch with friends on both days (The second day was a potluck meal.) Even with how nice our first Pesach in Maryland was, it was nice to get back to chometz and our regular activities. I did some shopping and watched "The Time Traveler's Wife," as well as caught up on "90210."

This past week, I went back to work. It was so nice to be back and get into my routine again. I have never been at a job where I could say I missed going to work. (It's like when I was on a short break from college and I missed being there while I was home.) I liked the people I worked for in NJ, but I worked from home, so it just meant I was at "the office" without anything to do for a week. Also, "Glee" came back last Tuesday and I got to watch it with my friend from last week's "Friendship Friday" post. :) I was excited to see Adam Lambert on "American Idol" too. He is still amazing! I am not as impressed with "American Idol" this year overall. While Crystal is great, no one really has put forth what Adam did last year. He set the bar too high, in my opinion. It's like when my sister and I saw "Grease" the day after we saw "Rent" (both were on stage). Or like finishing a really good novel and not knowing what to read next that won't take away from the feel of that novel. In any case, I feel like I'm starting to lose interest in "American Idol" this year. I am more interested in who gets sent home than in what they choose to sing. Yikes!

I finished "The Brightest Star in the Sky" (by Marian Keyes) and loved it! I'm now reading "True Colors" by Kristin Hannah and enjoying that, as well. It's hard to put down. At Shabbos lunch yesterday, I was talking to some friends who are also bookaholics and we thought it would be a good idea to have gatherings where people could just read and not feel bad about not talking to each other or not doing housework instead. Only true bookaholics would get how relaxing and enjoyable that would be.

I know I'll have more to talk about at my next "check-in," as some very exciting things are happening this week (one for sure, and one potentially). Stay tuned!

We'll always have "Glee"

For today's Friendship Friday post I’ve decided to shake things up a bit and talk about a relatively new friend.

I met S.S. online over the summer…well, sort of. I had posted to the listserv for our new town that we would be moving here soon and that we were in town for a weekend and needed to make arrangements for Shabbos lunch. Her husband sent me a very friendly reply welcoming us to the community. (He wasn’t able to have us over for lunch at that time, but it was nice that he reached out.) We e-mailed and wrote on each others’ Facebook walls for a while. I added S.S. as a friend because if her husband was this friendly, I assumed she would be, as well. We didn’t really talk much at first, but then “Glee” started up for the fall. She posted something about a character she liked and I wrote back about being a “Glee” fan. It was an instant bond from that point on. We e-mailed a lot and then I had her over for lunch during Chol Hamoed Sukkot. After that, we got together at our favorite pizza place and brought our husbands to meet each other. She would also come over to watch “Glee” whenever it was possible.

S.S. is 8 years younger than me. I like to tease her about how she makes me feel “ancient.” I do enjoy showing her movies that she was too young for when they originally came out, or ones she may not have heard of otherwise. And now that “Glee” is back, she knows she’s welcome to watch it at my place as often as she’s available. We also send each other everything we can find in relation to "Glee" (online videos, articles, etc.) She has a boy close in age to my younger son, but my older son also likes playing with him and treats him like a little brother too. We still get together at our favorite pizza place from time to time. (Who can resist those cheese fries?!?) She and her husband have been talking about making aliyah (moving to Israel). I know it’s something very special to do and it would be selfish for me to want her to stay. I’m just fortunate that we get to hang out a lot until that time. She has become a great friend and I’ve enjoyed getting to know her so far. I know that no matter when aliyah happens with their plans to move, she and I will always have “Glee.”

Popcorn, anyone?

I wanted to take this time to talk more in detail about two of my favorite movies. I usually let everyone know that they are my favorite movies, but I don't discuss why I truly love them so much.

“Where the Heart is”

I read “Where the Heart is” by Billie Letts in early 1999. It was a really good story and since I was obsessed with Wal-Mart, I enjoyed that it took place there. I loved how well-developed the characters were and how things came together. Then the movie came out in May, 2000. I rushed out with “Will” to go see it, as he was the one who recommended the book. I enjoyed it that time, but wasn’t in love with it yet. Then I watched it again when it came out on video in the fall. It was then that I fell in love with it. I found it used at a video store a few months later and bought it. (I later got it on DVD and gave the video to my cousin.) After that, I would watch it all the time and would show it to all my friends. I had one friend who I could gush to about how sweet Forney was and then we’d refer to my husband (then boyfriend) as my Forney. :) I love what the movie took from the book and even more what it changed. I loved the choices of actors and actresses for each role. Some I wouldn’t have placed originally, but they turned out to be perfect. I love the country music and how it moved the movie along. One of the most beautiful romantic songs is in that movie: “There You Are” by Martina McBride. I love that they kept it as taking place in a Wal-Mart. I love the emotions I feel every time I watch it, especially now that I’m a mom. (What mom doesn’t cry when Novalee says “How can you love someone so much you just met?”) Overall, it’s just a sweet and beautiful coming of age story. I haven’t watched it in a while, but I think it’s time for me to see it again. I’d love to show it to some friends who haven’t seen it yet, as I think they would love it too. I already know some friends who fell in love with it as much as I did. :)

“Sing”

I just watched “Sing” again for the first time in years and the feel of the movie came back to me like no time had been lost. I couldn’t stop grinning the whole time. When I first saw it in 1990, I knew I had to see it over and over again. It was the best movie to come along since “Dirty Dancing.” I had been reading the book that was based on the movie (not sure if it was the other way around, but they were a pretty close fit) and the movie happened to be on cable during that time. I tuned in just as this girl with a strong New York (more along the lines of Brooklyn) accent was singing “Like a Virgin” and it cracked me up. I couldn’t keep my eyes away from the movie after that. The next time it was on, I made sure to watch from the beginning. Then my sister got me the video for my birthday one year, so I could watch it as often as I wanted. In the meantime, I spent a Sunday afternoon hunting down the soundtrack. I still have both, on VHS and cassette respectively. When I first became addicted to the movie, a friend of mine sent me the sheet music for all the songs. I made some friends in high school who also liked “Sing” and I showed the sheet music to them. That won them over big time! For those of you who have never heard of “Sing,” it’s about an inner-city high school in Brooklyn that puts on an annual musical competition every year. There’s a new teacher in school who shows the tough guy in class (Dominic) that he can’t mess with her by putting him in charge of the senior class show. He’s paired up with a do-gooder (Hannah) whose mother thinks she can’t do anything right. In the meantime, the school is about to be closed and they have to fight to keep the show from going down with it. It’s such a good story and the music still gives me chills when I listen to it. It’s hard to not sing and dance along. I know some things may be seen as campy or cheesy, but if you’re a fan of “Glee,” I think you can handle it. It makes me think of the times I was participating in school shows and how everyone bonded together for the sake of showing a good performance. It was those times that it didn’t matter what ones’ status was in school. I even cried after some shows because I knew it was the last time I’d get to be a part of them. It really brings these words to light: “Years from now. Somewhere down the line. We’ll remember and we’ll all sing one more time.” I was in a different place in my life when I first saw this movie (an 8th grade geek) and now I’m a married mother of two and still can’t get enough of the story or the music.

Fall Back and Spring Forward

I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each others' blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.

Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.

Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness

This week's topic comes from Froggie: Write about your favorite season or time of year.

My favorite season is autumn, but my favorite time of year is the month of March.

To explain in more detail...I love the way autumn looks and feels. I love how beautiful the leaves are when they turn red, orange, yellow and brown. I love the piles of leaves that my kids can run through and crunch under their feet. I sometimes like to join them. I like how it means a new start...a new year of school and a new year on the Hebrew calendar. Sukkot takes place in the fall and I love being able to sit outside in the crisp air and enjoy a hot bowl of "Journey's End" soup. I love making campfires and eating s'mores. These days, the "campfire" is really my s'mores making set. :) I also love an excuse to wear sweaters but not need a coat just yet. I still have a thing for Halloween and autumn always represents that for me. I love all the pumpkins sitting out on peoples' front steps and the fact that canned pumpkin is in season to make lots of pies, cakes and soups. And call me crazy, but I love the smell of chimney smoke. It has such a cozy feel to it. I also enjoy taking trips to get pictures of the leaves. We missed out on doing that last year due to a lot of rain and a busy High Holiday season. In the past we would go to Starved Rock State Park when we lived in Illinois. We got some great pictures there and it was so beautiful to walk around in general. One year, we skipped out on Starved Rock to take a weekend trip through Door County, Wisconsin. The colors were beautiful out there too. There were fun festivals in the small towns along the way to the tip of Wisconsin. At other times, we have just taken nature walks through our neighborhood or have gone apple picking. Finally, my older son was born in September, so I always look forward to celebrating his birthday as one of the first autumn activities. I'm hoping we can go camping this autumn, as that would be a lot of fun.

To date, my desktop wallpaper at work is of an autumn scene....

As for my favorite time of year being the month of March...it just marks a bunch of big events in my life. I moved out of my parents' house and into my grandma's condo (when she was in assisted living) in March of 2000. I started taking improv comedy classes in March of 2001. In March of 2003, I got engaged on a cruise. My wedding was in March of 2004. We celebrated an anniversary in Vegas in March of 2006. My younger son was born in March of 2008. And we saw "In the Heights" in March of 2009 (another anniversary celebration). March is also when Purim usually occurs. It was in February this year, but close enough to carry over into March as Shushan Purim. I love how fun and festive the holiday is and sometimes it gets compared to Halloween, but without all the spooky stuff (even though Haman was scary).

While I love that the leaves are coming off the trees in autumn because it's done in such a graceful way, I also love that spring comes along in March and the trees start to bring forth new life with their leaves and flowers. This is my first spring in Maryland and I'm enjoying all the beauty of it. While I enjoy the peacefulness of an early evening that arrives with the autumn, I also enjoy having more daylight in the spring (even though it confuses my older son in terms of understanding night time). I guess I'm just full of contrasts, but it's nice to have something to look forward to every 6 months. :)

No broken bones here

I recently posted a blog called Sticks and Stones. It was about my experiences growing up as a bullying victim and hopes for future generations that they shouldn’t have to suffer the same fate as Phoebe Prince. Ironically enough, this new title is true in another way because I have never once broken a bone (no kaynehores though).

I realized that after posting the last blog, I had left some things unsaid. Most just popped into my head recently and I wanted to share those thoughts. Some might even be helpful or inspiring…

*There were two times in junior high that I managed to injure my eye (or the area around it). I should have just stayed home from school until it healed each time. It was so not worth going in and having to endure the jokes made at my expense over such self-inflicted accidents. Someone once said that a person on their bus said they beat me up. (Because they were on a different bus and somehow knew about it before they even saw it. Right.) And don’t even get me started on the rumors that came out of the first injury. They weren’t pretty.) It’s ironic that I had to wear an eye patch for two days last fall and was totally fine going out in public. People were nice about it and I didn’t get teased at all. It made me realize that I’m in a great environment now.

*When I was a freshman in high school, I finally got one of my tormenters to give up on bothering me. This girl was awful to me on the bus and I got sick of dealing with her after a while. This particular time, she was trying to get me to say something in hopes that she’d be able to tease me for it. I knew what she was getting at and did not give her such satisfaction at my expense. I just decided to confuse the “game” even more. (Basically, she told me I had a “Dickfor” on my shoulder. I was supposed to ask what such a thing was, but I knew better!) She finally gave up and even asked me if I knew what she was getting at. That was the last time she ever picked on me!

*When I was in college, a girl actually apologized to me for anything she did to hurt me when we were growing up. This was during a summer break and I was waiting on her at IHOP. She wasn’t even as bad as some other people, but she would make me cry a lot when we were kids. At the time, she claimed she was doing it to teach me how to stick up for myself. In any case, I thought it was decent that she apologized and I accepted that apology from her.

*Speaking of IHOP, that place is a bully’s dream come true! I have not stepped into an IHOP since August of 1996, as a result. While I was working there, I was targeted for sexual harassment because I was young and female. It got really nasty after a while and I could have easily reported it. However, they were so cheap that we had to pay for all our meals on the job, so I doubt I would have received any compensation even worthy of what I went through. Normally, I don’t name places, but my experiences working at IHOP were so terrible that I want to prevent other girls from going through the same thing. I mainly worked with a bunch of obnoxious teenage boys, as well as cooks who thought that because I knew limited Spanish, they could hit on me. The funny thing is, I knew how to stand up for myself and I wasn’t running away in tears. I dished back anything I was given. (I didn’t sexually harass anyone, but I wasn’t nice with my comebacks either.) There was even a cranky old lady who would come in every day and take up some tables in the back. She got in on the bullying end of things, but I was just as mean to her after a while. (Once she was doing someone’s side work and wouldn’t share utensils with me. When someone else asked me to share utensils with them, I made an example out of her so that she’d look like an idiot for not sharing.) In any case, the managers weren’t even helpful. I’d tell them what was going on, and then they’d start making disgusting comments about women right in front of me. If I didn’t have some regular customers who thought I was cool, I would have left a lot sooner than I did. There were also customers who were bullies. (This happens all over the place, as it happened at a previous restaurant job too.) The saying “the customer is always right” gets taken for granted and sometimes customers can be downright rude when they are clearly in the wrong. I am nice to servers at restaurants even when they’re not doing the greatest job. There are some levels I will just never lower myself to reach.

*I mentioned some “saving graces” in my post. I wanted to address some and also bring up one I left out:
I started reading V.C. Andrews’ books toward the end of 7th grade because all the cool kids were doing it. However, I didn’t expect to love them as much as I did. I ended up reading a couple of series over summer break and even got my friend from Hebrew school into them. We’d spend our time together reading her books. While I originally got some form of approval from the cool kids, that eventually died off, but I still was addicted to her books. I even started a fan club in college and am still friends with some of the people I met through that avenue (as well as some friends of people with whom I lost contact).
There was also forensics (speech team) in high school. I gained my confidence that way and felt more comfortable speaking in public and performing on stage. I loved going to tournaments every week. The best part was meeting a lot of guys and being able to flirt with them without anyone knowing my social status in school. I actually felt attractive during those times. (I also felt that way initially in CFTY, but that died out after a while.)
I forgot to mention Rocky Horror as a saving grace. This was more toward the end of high school, but it was the first time I felt truly accepted by a group of people. No one cared about who I was in school and there were cute guys who made me feel attractive. After a while, the cast I was with felt like family to me. I’m still in contact with some people from Rocky Horror and enjoy talking to them.

Finally, I have been inspired by my sister to start a new blog about bullying. I also got this idea from “That’s My Boss.” I would take e-mails from people who wanted to talk about their past or present experiences with bullying and post them anonymously to this blog. I have a few ideas for how to handle the information coming in. Comments would be moderated as to avoid further harassment (from people who have nothing better to do). I feel that if by starting such a blog, if it prevents even one person from committing suicide, it will have been a success. I also have hopes that if it gains enough momentum, I could share it with some higher powers that could lead to mandating schools to provide bully prevention seminars before anyone can work in the building. Or at least that it would back up Phoebe’s Law and help push it forward, as I completely support it.

Back to where we started from....

I decided to pick a post from livejournal that was related to two topics: My older son's hearing loss and being a working mom.

November 15th, 2005
09:14 am - Officially November
It's starting to become gloomy and cold out here. After such an extended summer, I forgot to expect such weather. The good news is that I can wear my warm sweaters and drink hot cocoa. Two of my favorite things to do in the winter. :)

My weekend was nice. Pretty busy. Friday night, we had some people from temple over for Shabbat dinner. Saturday, we went to temple. Then we went to Lou Malnati's with a bunch of friends at night. The wait was so long, even though we had priority seating from putting in an order. The manager felt bad and gave us free appetizers and salad. And, as always, the pizza was worth the wait. Afterwards, we all hung out at our place and played Apples to Apples. Sunday, I got my hair cut in the morning. It's now chin length. Then we went to Gurnee Mills (a huge indoor outlet mall) with my mom and sister. We mainly looked at stuff for Eitan, but my husband got a shirt and belt for himself too. At night, we had dinner at my cousin's house. My 4 year-old cousin (who will be 5 next month) is so cute! She and I were playing hide-and-seek with her stuffed monkey. She also got to hold Eitan. She was sitting on the floor and we supported his head with a pillow, as well.

Eitan had his hearing test on Friday. Unfortunately, the results weren't what I hoped for. Thankfully, he is not deaf. However, he has a severe hearing loss in his right ear and a moderate loss in his left ear. He's getting fitted for hearing aids tomorrow. Since they caught it so early, he'll be able to adjust by the time he has to go to school. It's not the worst thing that could happen, but it's still not something we wanted him to deal with. We found out recently that there are some hearing problems on my husband's side. His cousin is completely deaf in one ear. She goes to rock concerts a lot, so they probably don't bother her as much.

In other news, I get to see "Rent" in 8 days. I can't wait. However, I have mixed emotions about time going by fast. There are things I'm looking forward to, but I know I have to go back to work in a few weeks and I'm not looking forward to that. I am more upset about having to separate from Eitan than he will be. It makes me sad that other people will get to cuddle with my baby all day while I'm doing stupid and boring stuff at my job. My working mom friends have told me that I'll enjoy the adult interaction. I just interact with my co-workers on a professional level. I'm not close with any of them. One of my coworkers has a son who is two weeks younger than Eitan, so he and I will be able to relate, but that's about it.

That's all for now. Sorry for the gloomy undertones of this entry. The weather isn't helping much.

Follow up: My older son has made a lot of progress with his hearing loss. More than we ever expected. He has great vocabulary and language skills and he's adapting well to his cochlear implant. He doesn't even ask for his hearing aid right now. I remember how we thought he'd never talk or would be extremely behind on language and he has blown our minds since that time.

Please don't take my comment from the original post to be anything disparaging about people who are deaf. I know people who are and they are very nice and they know how to adapt in order to communicate with the hearing world. At the time though, I knew that if my older son were completely deaf, I would be stuck because I don't know sign language that well and I still have a hard time trying to communicate that way. If he had been born deaf, I would have made sure he was implanted right away as to bring him into the speaking world. And I do know people who were born deaf and believe in and support cochlear implants. Even the people in "Sound and Fury" who were against CIs eventually got them, as well.

Side note: The night my cousin held him, she said "Get this off of me." It was really funny. She gets along so well with him now and he's crazy about her.

As for being a working mom, it definitely was hard when I was at a job I hated. Then I ended up being a stay-at-home-mom for a while between my contract naturally ending at that job and the length of time it took to get a job in NJ, which still allowed me to be home most of the time. The kids were in day care on and off, but I think it has made them more well rounded. It was helpful while I was job hunting, as well. Nowadays, I love my job and I know my kids are happy in their schools. It definitely makes all the difference in the world of a working mom. Sure, it's hard to coordinate schedules around appointments and other things that come up, but I'm thankful that my boss is understanding about stuff like that. I like the time I have to be an adult and I have fun comparing daily events with my kids.

Sticks and Stones

I recently found out about the tragic story of Phoebe Prince, a young girl who was bullied by her peers to the point where she felt she had to take her own life. I found this whole situation to be extremely sad and disturbing. From what I read, Phoebe was a naturally friendly girl and some people got jealous of her ability to grab a guy’s attention naturally and started calling her names and threatening her. I think statutory rape was involved in some way. It got so bad one day that she went home and hung herself. Apparently faculty and staff at the school knew what was going on and did nothing to stop it from happening. The least they could do was offer counseling to Phoebe to help her cope with her peers’ behavior and taunts. This situation has brought up how the issue of bullying has escalated from playful schoolyard taunts to physical abuse (such as hazing) and slander on the internet. The issue of bullying hits close to home for me as a parent and as someone who was picked on by their peers in the past.

About 6 years ago, I read a book that I was able to relate to in many ways. It was a true story by Jodee Blanco titled “Please Stop Laughing at Me...” It was her personal account of bullying from her peers. No matter where she went to school, she usually would start out popular and would make friends easily. Then she’d go against the grain of peer pressure and everyone would turn against her. She changed schools several times and it always led to the same outcome. I don’t think she ever tried to kill herself, but I know she displayed self-destructive behavior as a result. Miraculously, she came out on top as a confident adult who was able to tell her story in a way that it was nearly impossible to put down.

As I mentioned earlier, both Phoebe Prince's tragic death and Jodee Blanco's book struck chords with me...chords that would not have been struck had I not been a victim of bullying. I usually don't talk much about this because I supposedly lead such a "charmed life" nowadays, but I think it needs to be told in hopes that other people will be inspired to share their own stories and experiences. Maybe the more stories that are shared will inspire schools to mandate school faculty and staff to attend bullying prevention seminars before being allowed to set foot in a school building.

Mind you, the stuff I've heard and read about makes anything I went through pale in comparison, but it's still personal to me. I somehow managed to survive my school years and move on to college and adult life with the intention to start fresh. I think the main thing that kept me going after a while was self-confidence. It's something I've carried over into my adult life. And that didn't come into play until high school.

I started out with a lot of friends in preschool and kindergarten. Then the social circles started forming in first grade. Yes...first grade! People already knew if they fit into the popular or unpopular (i.e. geek) groups. Guess which group yours truly ended up in? :P I had friends, but some of them had split loyalties. Grade school was tolerable until the later years. The friends I had helped me weather any storms and I had my best friend at home too (my sister). I also had some other close friends outside of school. Of course, there were the mean girls who thought it was funny to ask me questions that tested my naivete about sexuality. Basically, you were damned if you said you were a virgin and also damned if you said you weren't. (Madonna's song didn't help much.) There were also boys who were just plain mean. One used to make me miserable at the bus stop every morning. (I got back at him in a subtle way during my college years...by acting like I didn't know him and then hearing from my boyfriend at the time that this guy was sending obvious signals of interest...and then making it very obvious that I was with someone.) The friends I made toward the end of my elementary school days didn't help matters much. However, I did have some friends who were destined for popularity at some point. The other factor that didn't help much was how I was super emotional about getting teased. I wore my vulnerability where everyone could see it and attack it.

When I got to junior high, I thought meeting people who didn't know my status in grade school would help, but it really didn't. The circles that were formed in grade school stuck and created monsters that sucked up the friends I had from before. (Basically, people whom I thought were my best friends decided that popularity took priority over their friendship with me.) I did make some new friends, but that proved detrimental to my social standing for the rest of junior high. There was one girl I became close with early in 6th grade and then she even turned on me because I wasn't geeky enough! She even got mad at me for a social mishap that was out of my control, but she saw no problem in making things even worse for herself and everyone in our little circle. (Basically, she got mad at me because everyone wanted me to dance--which I didn't even do at that time--in an effort to make fun of me more, but then she went and auditioned to be a cheerleader when she knew she was moving out of state soon. Then that started rumors that people thought her mom was suing the school. I was actually smug about it when people were surrounding and taunting her.) Other than that, people I thought were my friends in the beginning of the year turned on me in the typical mean girl style. I took modeling classes from Sears during that year and while I thought it would be seen as cool, I got picked on because it was for Sears. Nothing was good enough. I could buy all brand name clothes and start wearing bras and none of it would matter. My social status was set.

During the summer between 6th and 7th grade, I went to overnight camp with my BFF. That was a mistake (not about going with my BFF, just about going at all). The girls were all stuck up and made my four weeks there hellish. If I thought that being teased about not knowing about virginity was bad, having my naivete about all things sexual being ripped into made that look like a walk in the park. They were just awful and they would accuse me of destroying their property but then would see no problem in taking my towel while I was showering (and then getting mad when I got them in trouble). If my BFF had not been there, I would have gone home without even completing the four weeks. Years later, I read "The J.A.P. Chronicles" by Isabel Rose. While my camp experience wasn't as bad as the main character's, it was fun to imagine karma for all the girls in my cabin (with the exception of my BFF, of course). Two funny things that came out of this a long time later: I ended up dating the best friend of one of the girls' brother. I wonder if she ever knew about that. Also, one of the girls (who especially made fun of my naivete about sex) was at a close friend's bachelorette party and I got a high out of winning a contest where we had to answer a lot of questions about sex (factual, not personal). I don't think she remembered making fun of me back in the day, but I still enjoyed feeling smug about that.

Seventh grade was even worse. Someone told a girl I was trying to befriend that I would "ruin her rep." (This same girl who said that later was nice to me in high school.) The girls were just meaner in general. They would follow me around school and taunt me for no particular reason. Eventually, one of the gym teachers brought it to a halt. Until that time, I would hide out during "recess" and read a book behind some trees. I tried to avoid people whenever possible and hated going to school in general. Talking about it with my parents didn't help. They felt bad that it was going on, but I somehow felt I was failing them. In the meantime, I had Hebrew school and another set of obnoxious boys and girls to deal with there. I did have some saving graces though: Pen pals, a new friend from Hebrew school and V.C. Andrews books.

Eighth grade was a little more tolerable. I made a couple of nice friends (one whom I reunited and became closer with years later) but also had to deal with more mean girl behavior. I was hanging out with one group for a while when this girl decided she didn't want me to be a part of the group and wrote me a nasty letter too. I still resent her for it to this day. My saving graces this time included: knowing high school was around the corner, writing for the school paper, chorus, a nice school counselor, and gaining respect for my brains and because I tried out for the volleyball team. There was also the nice gym teacher who let me take a dance/exercise class instead of gym that year. I hated gym class, so it definitely saved my sanity. Overall, the movie "Welcome to the Dollhouse" made my junior high years feel a lot less hellish in comparison, even though I didn't get to see Eric Mabius sprawled out on a bed in my house.

High school wasn't too bad. I still dealt with my share of bullying from time to time, but I also had a lot of things that kept me going. It was easier to make friends because there was a wider pool to meet. Sure, the social circles still existed, but they were more scattered. I had speech team, which is where I gained my confidence. I also was also involved with chorus, theater, dance, etc. I did have moments every year where it was rough to go to school, but I got through it. Toward the end of my senior year, I had to deal with bullies amongst my own circle of friends. One was even disguised as a friend, but I realized later on that she really wasn't what one would call a friend. The other was this obnoxious guy who was so awful to me that I like to think his girlfriend refused to go to prom with him as a result of how he was treating me. (Why wouldn't you go to prom if you had an automatic date? I didn't have such luck.) I think I also became mean in the process of dealing with bullies through most of my life. I think it was a defense mechanism in a way. I still have times where the mean side of me comes out, but I think it has softened up over time. It's more of a protection mechanism these days. I also feel that Schadenfraude is a protective mechanism. I'd love to find out that someone who was mean to me is not doing so well in life.

Things did get better in college and even beyond. There were times I had to deal with rudeness in the working world, but no one was outright harassing me. Sometimes I wondered about peoples' intentions when they wanted to be friends (or more). I didn't join the Hillel in college because it reminded me of BBG and I didn't like most of the girls in that group. (Some of them even went to the same college as me.) There was a time that a girl I didn't like went to college with me and would prank call me with her friends. My friends and I curbed that behavior with an obnoxious outgoing message on my answering machine. I would see the same girl around my hometown and she'd act like my friend but it was so fake that it was disgusting. Last year, she tried to friend request me on Facebook and I ignored her. I don't plan to be another number for her and I don't need her knowing about my personal life. I just don't get how girls like her are married and the nice, normal girls I know are still trying to find Mr. Right. (There are other cases like this, where girls who were totally awful to me throughout junior high and high school managed to secure a spouse. I even saw one of them at two weddings a few years ago and was actually enjoying showing off my marital status at one of them...as my husband wasn't able to attend the other.) There was also a time when friends of a past boyfriend were telling him mean things about me. I even tried to reconcile with one of them but she wrote a nasty note in response.

Now that you know about my past issues with bullying (and I skimmed over a lot), I wanted to share my concerns for the future. Now that I'm a mom, I worry about bullying when my kids go to school. I worry about my kids being either the perpetrators or the victims. When I read "Nineteen Minutes" by Jodi Picoult a few years ago, I thought about this a lot. It was about a boy who was picked on so badly that he opened fire at his school and either injured or killed his classmates. I think he even killed a teacher. It was very disturbing because I knew it happened in the past and could happen again. I'm teaching my kids about how to be confident and stick up for themselves, but to not hurt other kids at the same time. I hold them accountable for their behavior. (Recently, my older son threw a toy at a little boy and my husband and I made him write an apology letter.) I worry more that my older son will be a victim because he's overly sensitive and he has something obviously different about his physical presence. Right now, he's in a school for kids with hearing loss and he's proud of his cochlear implant. However, I worry about how kids who never dealt with hearing loss will perceive it if he is mainstreamed. I was proud of how confidently he talked about his CI when another kid asked him what it was. He acted like it was no big deal. I just hope that confidence will stick with him over time. He's very friendly and likes to be the class clown. He loves laughing and making other kids laugh. He has a plethora of girlfriends already. I hope this all follows him throughout his grade school, junior high and high school days. He's more tuned in to kids who are different like him, and I think that will make him more compassionate overall. However, if anyone ever bullies or hurts him, they will have me to answer to and the school will have another thing coming if they don't do anything to prevent it from happening. As for my younger son, I worry that he'll be the bully. He's aggressive and likes to hit and push to make his point. We give him time outs, but we're not sure when that will sink in. He's a sweet kid otherwise and has made friends at his school already. He's very active and I could see him being the athletic one in the family. That might help him when it comes to the social circles that are probably being formed as we speak.

As for the adult world, bullying still exists. It was seen in the first season of "Ugly Betty" when Betty was being picked on mercilessly at her new job. People lightened up when they got to know her, but there were still times when she was thrown under the gauntlet. I know this is just a TV show, but workplace bullying does exist. There are managers who don't know how to treat their employees. I know people who will attest to this. And if you still don't believe me, check out "That's My Boss," a blog about bosses who don't know how to treat their employees properly. There are other ways bullying can occur in the adult world. Domestic abuse is another example of such behavior. And I'm sure that the girls in "Muriel's Wedding" aren't the only adult version of mean girls.

Overall, bullying is not something that will go away. If kids see a reason to be mean to other kids, they will stop at nothing to make someone's life hellish. I really hope schools get on the ball and work to educate and prevent bullying. I'm sure that it will be hard for them to get through those tough heads, but something does need to be done. Maybe a zero tolerance policy against bullying that would lead to severe consequences for all bullies? I don't know what it will take in order to prevent another incident like Phoebe Prince's tragic and completely unnecessary death. Keep in mind that she was harassed for being pretty and friendly. Imagine how much harder it must be for kids who are deemed by their peers as unattractive or socially inept. I like to think I came out of such a scathing experience okay and no worse for the wear, but I still have my mean (and sometimes vengeful) side. I don't forgive or forget as easily as one might think. In the meantime, I have a fabulous group of friends from all the different places I've lived and through the Internet.

Please share this post with anyone you know in an effort to explain how bullying feels for the victims. Especially before this issue escalates completely out of control in the future. If kids are cruel to each other now, I can't even imagine how much worse it could become.

We'll always have "the Costanzas"

This week's Friendship Friday post is about P.C..

I met P.C. at Makor in 2003. I think we were placed at some meals together or we just noticed each others' presence enough to recognize one another. So when we both showed up to a bridal shower that summer, the Jewish Geography circle became even tighter. I don't remember when we knew that we went to the same high school, but that came up in conversation at some point. In any case, I always thought she was nice, but we were only at the phase of making casual conversation. We hung out at the same friend's bachelorette party and wedding, but it took a while before we became close friends.

In the spring or summer of 2004, we started e-mailing each other and I found out that she was getting a masters degree in counseling. I had intended to pursue the same for a while and asked her more about it. From that point on, we started hanging out and found out all the things we had in common. I invited her over for Shabbat meals and we'd get Chinese food together a lot. She got along well with my husband and she also loved our cat.

The following year, I invited P.C. to a Passover seder we were hosting on the first night. My grandparents also came over. I think this was the first time she met them, but she had a mental picture of them from all the time my mom and I referred to them as "the Costanzas." (We were comparing them to George's parents on "Seinfeld.") When she finally met them, they didn't disappoint and that made for a very interesting seder. There was also a point where my mom was playing with her hair because she thought it was my hair (we both had an abundance of brown curls). She got along well with my family and I also enjoyed meeting her family. The first time was at her graduation party. Her parents were so warm and welcoming that I felt I had known them my whole life. I even had my parents host a meal one evening so they could meet her parents. I just thought they would all get along so well.

We continued to stay close and she became an honorary aunt when my older son was born. She even got to babysit for him once. They totally adored each other, so it worked out well. I was sad that I wouldn't get to see her as often when we moved to NJ, but she was always around whenever we came to town for a visit. She also sends gifts to the kids for birthdays and Hanukkah. It's not expected or required, but it's such a sweet gesture and she has maintained her honorary aunt status in such a way. Soon we'll get to talk to her on Skype.

This past year, she came to visit us at our new home. Of course, she didn't expect to be snowed in the whole weekend, but we had a fun time bonding and playing with the kids. I'm hoping she'll give our town a second chance so that we can do touristy things together in DC next time she visits. I also look forward to seeing her the next time we're in Chicago. No matter how often we get to see or talk with each other, we have a great bond and I know we'll always have "the Costanzas."

Side note: We were talking on the phone the other night and she brought up "the Costanzas" at one point, which reaffirms what I just said.

To Life, L'Chaim!

I have a few friends who knit and blog and we've decided to embark on a blog project that has nothing to do with knitting. We're going to take turns coming up with a topic every Thursday and we each have to blog about it by the end of that day and post links to each others' blogs so that people can see our different perspectives on the same topic.

Check out the backstory about how the project was conceived and how we all came together.

Here are the other blogs:
Froggie Knits Like Crazy
Charmingly Random
Desperate Madness

This week's topic choice is once again my own: What is your favorite thing about your religion?

"Friday night, always a good night for some Sabbath.... 'cause, you know, Friday? is the Sabbath....for the Jews."

This was said on "Freaks and Geeks" by Neil, in response to Lindsey wanting to play Black Sabbath at her party. At the time I heard this line, I laughed but didn't give it much more thought. It was over 10 years ago and I wasn't observing Shabbos at the time. A few years later, I was watching "The Big Lebowski" and found it funny when John Goodman's character, Walter, was talking about how he was Shomer Shabbos and that meant he couldn't bowl on Saturday. Again, I didn't give it much thought as I was going out shopping and to movies on Saturday at the time.

This brings me to my first favorite thing about being Jewish: Shabbat! I wrote more in detail about my Jewish observance history, detailing various Shabbat experiences that have led me to where I am today, which is Shomer Shabbos for 3 years. Now that I've been Shomer Shabbos for this long, I can't even imagine going back to the way things used to be.

I love all of Shabbat, but I especially look forward to Friday night. That's when we bring in Shabbat and get to relax after a long and busy week. After I light candles with the boys, we sing Shabbat songs and dance around. Sometimes they'll play toys while we wait for my husband (their Abba) to come home from mincha. Then we all gather to welcome the Shabbos Queen with "Shalom Aleichem." Next we sing a song about a dinosaur who wants to spend Shabbat with us. The kids know all the words and they think it's a lot of fun. Afterward, my husband sings Ayshes Chayil (a virtuous woman) and then we bless the kids. Finally, it's time for Kiddush and challah. I just love the warmth and all the rituals involved with Friday night Shabbos dinner. It's something I enjoyed during the few experiences I had with it growing up (aside from going to temple with my family). I love that I can share this with my husband and kids. Sometimes we have Shabbos meals with friends and/or extended family. It's so nice to share the warmth with other special people in our lives.

Being Shomer Shabbos means that we don't use technology, drive, turn on/off lights, cook, play music, etc. during Shabbat. We've started to explain these customs to our kids and are teaching them what is muktzah. We're still learning about this for ourselves in the process. In any case, it's nice to have a day reserved for peace and quiet. My husband and I spend so much time on the computer all week, and the kids rely on the TV too much for entertainment. It's nice that we have this day to be a family, when we can eat, play and talk without the external influences of noise created by modern objects from our daily lives. Sometimes we even get in a nap, which is encouraged on Shabbat. Of course, that messes up our nighttime schedule, but it's nice on a long day after a filling meal.


Would you like some cream cheese with that "bagel?"

Over the last few years, I began to hear the term "bagel" being used to refer to an action instead of a food item. To "bagel" someone means that a Jewish person goes up to another Jewish person and reveals their identity as a fellow member of the tribe in some subtle way, such as asking where the nearest shul is or saying a phrase in Hebrew. I was "bageled" the other day when a man saw me standing next to my son, who wears a kipah, and wished me "Chag Sameach." I know I have "bageled" people in the past. I don't really have to when I have my older son around, since he makes it obvious that we're Jewish. However, there will be times I'm in line at the grocery store and the person behind me has all Kosher items in their cart. I can't help but wish them a good Shabbos!

This brings me to my second favorite thing about Judaism: Community! I love that there are so many Jewish people with whom to connect. This is not just in my neighborhood, at my shul or at my workplace, but all over the world! I love that while we're lighting Shabbos candles on Friday night, millions of women are doing this at the same time. I love being able to connect about experiences, beliefs, customs, etc. I mentioned this in my other blog about Judaism (referenced in the first section), but I love that when I was in Israel, everyone knew the words to "Am Yisrael Chai" and "Hatikvah," no matter where they were from. It was such an amazing and powerful feeling to be at that convention in Israel during my Birthright trip and one of the reasons I wanted to be more active in a Jewish community when I returned home. I also love how Facebook and other internet programs have connected Jewish people from all over the world. I love that I have found friends from NFTY, Makor, Birthright, etc. and am talking to them all in one place.

I love playing Jewish Geography and seeing who is connected in the Jewish world. It has led to so many coincidences in my life (and even in my husband's life). I even met my husband partially because of Jewish Geography. When I lived in Illinois, there was a diner where I would see someone I knew (usually Jewish) every time I went there. Nowadays, I usually see a few people I know every time I go to my favorite Kosher pizza place. During our first week here, several people introduced themselves to us the first time we had dinner at the pizza place.

Another thing that ties in with this is that I love going to all Kosher supermarkets and Judaica stores. I get a natural high from seeing stores with only Kosher items (Seven Mile Market was like the ultimate nirvana for me) and I love stores that sell things that cater only to the Jewish community in general. I love the creative things they sell, such as shirts that say "Chai Maintenance" and Hanukkiahs (a.k.a. menorahs) with different themes. They have lots of beautiful artwork and interesting books and toys for kids. I think I know that in either store, it's safe to say that no one has to do any "bageling" since everyone in the store is usually Jewish.

I can really connect Shabbat with community these days. We live in an Orthodox community with several shuls within walking distance. There's a Friday night and Yom Tov mincha minyan on our street, which is nice for my husband. On Saturday or holiday mornings, there are a lot of people who walk to shul around the same time and everyone greets each other. In the afternoons, people in the neighborhood get together so the kids can play and the adults can chat. It's not uncommon for someone to just drop by later in the day. The combination of Shabbat and community is what makes me elated to be Jewish.

Another Time Warp post about Time

I was thinking of the movie "Click" recently and decided to share this post I wrote about it almost 4 years ago, when I went to see it for my (actual) 30th birthday.

July 21st, 2006
11:24 am - Living in Fast Forward
This is actually a song by Kenny Chesney, but it comes to mind when I think of "Click". We saw it last night for my birthday. It was really good. It was funny, sad, and thought provoking. It's about a guy who has no time for his family because of his job and how he wants a way to control the world around him. However, his wish comes true in crazy ways and a lot happens while he's trying to get ahead. That's all I'll say, as to not spoil it. I definitely recommend it. Adam Sandler did a great job in his role. Christopher Walken was in it and was funny as usual. We also got to see Henry Winkler, a.k.a. "The Fonz", a lot. :)

BTW, AMC charges $9.50 for adults to see a movie! I know we're getting the experiences of stadium seating, a huge screen, and surround sound, but still!!! They need to lower their snack prices if they're going to keep raising their movie prices. It's ridiculous! We had a gift card, so that was nice. :) If we didn't, I would go to the less fancy theaters to pay normal prices!

Follow up: I really should not complain about movie theater prices from 4 years ago, as they have skyrocketed since then. In any case, I've only seen "Click" that one time, but it still resonates with me. The song "Linger" by The Cranberries was used in it a few times, and I always think of it when I hear that song on the radio nowadays.

"Click" was told in such a haunting way and even though it was fictional and goofy at times, it really does ring true. We let time get away from us when we absorb ourselves with getting ahead in our career path. I think that's why I like the job I have now. It allows me to feel good about what I do, but it also doesn't keep me from enjoying my personal life or watching my kids grow up. I definitely recommend stopping to smell the roses (or cherry blossoms, as we did this past Sunday). I also recommend seeing the movie at least once, if you haven't already, just to see what it is like for yourself.