In my life

Blog Project 3.0 has been going on for about three years, even though one of the group members changed after a few months. I love blogging with this group and I hope we can continue to inspire each other.

We will be posting bi-weekly as life keeps getting in the way.

Moma Rock chose this week's topic: Write about something ugly — war, fear, hate, cruelty, etc.–but find the beauty (silver lining) in it or something good that comes out of it.

First, read what everyone else had to share on this topic. I will be only posting links to posts on this same topic from my group. So check back if you were hoping to read their blogs and don't see a link yet.

Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock

When I got this topic, I decided that there is way too much talk about hatred post-election. So I decided to keep it slightly “lighter” and use situations from my personal life instead.

Childbirth:

It’s so ugly, I did it three times! Seriously though, pregnancy starts out ugly if you do not have the rare fortune of not experiencing morning sickness. However, we’re told that morning sickness allows us to know that the baby is in there and growing. I had it somewhat bad the first time, as the Chicago winter air would make me sick as soon as I stepped outside. I also felt a deep-seated nausea all the time and kept a bottle of Sprite and a package of saltines nearby. The second time around, it was very mild. The only time it really acted up was when we lived in this money pit of a rental house in NJ and there was a sewage problem. The third time around was a nightmare. I almost hated eating because I knew whatever I consumed would come up when I “coughed in the potty.” (That’s what my younger son called my frequent bathroom visits.)

Then there’s the delivery. First of all, I hate getting IVs put in and I had to have it done all three times, whether I needed Pitocin or not. Plus, doctors or nurses checking how dilated I was felt so uncomfortable in the throes of labor pains. The only relief was an epidural, which also felt painful to start off. Then there’s the potential of going #2 in the process of delivery. (Yes, this does happen and women should not be ashamed. We’re told to “poop out the baby.”) Don’t even get me started on the blood, or the feel of the placenta coming out. And if stitches are needed, that’s awful too. The epidural does NOT take away from that feeling! If you ever want to curb teen pregnancy, show them a video of someone giving birth. I had to watch that in health class once and it was eye-opening for sure!

However, in the end I had three beautiful babies whom I am more in love with every single day as they continue to grow and flourish.

So worth the morning sickness and labor pains :)

Fights between friends:

There’s a reason there’s a book called My Other Ex (which I still need to read). Close female friendships are sacred and when there’s a fight, it’s extremely upsetting.

My BFF and I have been together 29 years, so naturally we’ve had our share of arguments. It’s natural and can happen as easily as fights between spouses, siblings, parents and children, etc. I still hate when they happen. There was a time when we stopped talking for about half a year (maybe more). However, we found our way back into the friendship. It took a lot of time and nurturing, but we got back to a really good place after a while. We’ve had other fights since then, but the time off didn’t last as long (maybe a week or so, at the most). And after each fight, we became closer and more in tune with what each other needs out of the friendship. Not to jinx things, but 2016 has been a good year for us, which was kicked off by an awesome ‘80s and ‘90s concert. I have learned from past fights that I need to be a better listener and more supportive. Even though we don’t see each other as often as we would like (when is teleportation going to be invented?!?), we stay close by e-mails, texts, and Google Hangouts (which we need to get back on track with). We’re doing something special to celebrate 30 years in 2017, but that’s all I’m going to say for now.

My BFF and I at 12 and 30-something

In other cases, some friends just drop off the face of the planet without a reason. It’s definitely hurtful and hard to cope with sometimes, but then other friendships come into my life that are even more special to me. Maybe it’s just meant to be that way.

"I see dead people."

When I first started my job almost seven years ago, I was handed the task of reading through death notices to find donors who have passed away. Since some may have set up major gifts to go into effect upon their passing, I was required to be vigilant about staying on top of this information and reporting it to my team. Needless to say, I can’t just magically ask Legacy.com to find me only Jewish death notices, so I need to look through a large group of them almost every day. Needless to say, it gets depressing. I hate coming across death notices for babies, children (as well as teens and young adults), or people around my age. I get morbidly curious and look up the reason for their death. Some of the reasons are too awful to comprehend. (“You hold your child as tight as you can and push away the unimaginable.”--“It’s Quiet Uptown,” Hamilton)

The beautiful side of this is seeing some of the tributes to loved ones. It’s nice to see when someone has a lot of family who will cherish their memories. I like looking at the birthday or death anniversary messages to people who have passed long ago. While it is all sad, it’s nice to know that people have left legacies and are not forgotten many years after they have departed from this world.

Tribute to my paternal grandma after she passed away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While there's a lot of awfulness going on in the world at this time and we want to make sense of it by trying to find the beauty, sometimes it's important to look within to find it in the little things that may be ugly at first.

Musicals I don't like

Yes...you heard that right. While I'm a huge musical theater fan, there are some musicals that just don't do it for me. This topic came up when I was talking to a friend about musicals and how there are certain ones that people either like or hate. I also thought about how Darwin Shrugged doesn't like Little Shop of Horrors and that we can still be friends. My husband doesn't like Joseph... or Rent (gasp!) much, but somehow we're going on 13 years of marriage. (And he was even in some of the below musicals in high school, so we're even.) So keep that in mind if you don't agree with me about anything on this list. I have some close friends who like some of these musicals and we can respect the other's choices.

Just for some balance, see a post I did a while back about musicals I love. (This was also prior to Hamilton.)

Without any further ado...

Cabaret: I saw it on stage when I was in high school, but it didn’t really do much for me. Then I saw the movie a few years later and found it really annoying and somewhat nauseating. Oddly enough, I love Chicago and that is also by Kander and Ebb.




The Phantom of the Opera: I saw it when I was 21 and was really hoping to like it after all the build-up. I was disappointed though. I even tried the movie and it had the same effect. I only like a few songs because most of them were overdone between chorus and voice lessons in high school.



The Sound of Music: I liked the movie as a kid, but mostly for the music. Now I don’t think I could sit through it at all.



Carousel: Another movie I watched all the time as a kid. Then I saw it again in college and the glass shattered. It’s about domestic abuse! Plus, the songs are pretty cheesy.



Camelot: I saw it at an outdoor theater when I was a pre-teen. It just bored me a lot. The songs aren’t even memorable for me.



The Music Man: I also saw this at the same outdoor theater when I was a pre-teen. It didn’t do anything for me either and I didn’t like the music much.



Cats: Weirdly, I get flack for not liking this one. I like some of the T.S. Eliot poems about cats and even performed one for speech tournaments in high school. However, Cats lacks the emotional quality I look for in musicals and really is just a bunch of people dressed as cats running around on stage. And yes, I gave it another chance as an adult. My husband felt the same way about it, so it’s not just me. One of the people we saw it with got mad when we said we didn’t like it. And then they told us they didn’t like the movie of Chicago, which was WAY better than this musical.

I'll be doing posts about other things I don't like from pop culture, so stay tuned...

What musicals are on your "least favorites" list?

Still hurting...

(To the tune of "Still Hurting" from The Last Five Years)
The election is over, voting is done.
Our candidate should have totally won.
We're now being told that it's time to move on.
But we're still hurting.

I've been mulling over my post-election feelings and trying to put things in perspective. There is still a lot to process. Instead of attacking his supporters, I asked them why they made the choice they did, and also asked them to not attack her in their responses. Some people can't seem to figure out why they voted for him other than to keep her from winning. Where have I heard that before?

Aaron Burr:
"How does Hamilton
An arrogant
Immigrant, orphan
Bastard, whore-son
Somehow endorse Thomas Jefferson, his enemy
A man he’s despised since the beginning
Just to keep me from winning?"
"Your Obedient Servant," Hamilton

Some people did not like either candidate, but still seemed to think that he was the "lesser of two evils." Somehow inciting hatred and planning to take away civil rights is less evil than sending non-threatening e-mails from a private server. *Rolling eyes*

In any case, I do respect those who voted for him because of some valid reasons they offered that have nothing to do with his behavior and words over the past year or to go against her for spite. They voted for him because they believe he can HELP them. I still have a hard time digesting all this, but I respect their reasons and don't count them amongst the people who voted for all the wrong reasons.

To his supporters: "If you'd like to help mend the divide, here are some things you can do to help: Be a vocal ally to your LGBT+ neighbors and friends. Reach out to your Hispanic neighbor, your Black neighbor, your Muslim neighbor and let them know they have nothing to fear from you - that you understand that they are equal to you in worth no matter what our President-Elect has said and what hurtful things people are doing right now in cities and towns across America in reaction to this election. If you aren't willing to do this, then you validate our fears." (This was taken from a friend's Facebook timeline and it is too perfect not to share.)

"The sun comes up and the world still spins."
-"What'd I Miss?," Hamilton

This line has been going through my head a lot. Time hasn't stopped since the election closed. We still have to go to bed every night and wake up every day. We have to soon face a new America with a different kind of President. Do you know how badly I want to act like a three year-old whose mommy is dropping them off at preschool and just cling to the almost-former President's leg and cry?

Are we ready to face what is ahead of us? Given how much hatred and violence has already occurred in the past couple of days, I doubt it. Either that, or we have a long way to go. I also am thinking of Dory's famous quote, "just keep swimming," in times like this. It's not going to make things easier just yet, and we probably have some heavier tides to swim through, but we have to stay strong and stand up for what we believe in, now more than ever!

However, that is not so easy to do with with half the country declaring "not our president," which will probably lead to "onarchy...how you say...anarchy?" I can relate to the level of fear and distress, but don't feel ranting is going to change the situation. I know a lot of us are traumatized by this election and outcome. I have definitely been feeling emotionally out-of-sorts. Trying to go on with my daily life, make sure the kids feel safe, not get too riled up by super upsetting posts on Facebook and Twitter, etc. (My best friend warned me not to look at the tweets that went up and I haven't even checked them out of morbid curiosity.) I know this feels like a death and we have to go through the stages of grief. However, we have to pick up the pieces and make things good again. Getting into fights with people on social media isn't the solution. And that goes for everyone who gloats about their candidate winning and still says mean things about the candidate who lost (or her supporters).

All I know is that unless he does something as bad as (or worse than) Watergate and gets himself impeached, or the Electoral College is overthrown and she is sworn in instead (a girl can dream!), we're stuck. I do feel like gagging when I have to say the word President before his name. It seems like such a joke! I don't trust him and don't respect him right now. I know we're told we need to respect our President, but he needs to undo a lot of the damage he's created before I can even try to trust, respect, or even forgive him. There are times when I think we can survive this and then I see something that completely raises my hackles and makes me anxious all over again.

I think of a lot of situations in music and recently had a Mary Poppins classic in my head, which I feel is so fitting for this new reality. "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." Right now, we're forced to take this 70 year-old orange medicine, which is bound to taste "nasty" and not do what it's intended to right away. However, if we are kind to others and exemplify goodness along the way, we can take down this "medicine" so that we can still come out healthy and strong when the next election rolls around.

When I went to my older son's parent-teacher conference today, his teacher told me how he is friendly to and supportive of every kid in his class, whether he likes them or not. He takes the time to listen to their ideas and encourages them to speak up, be creative, etc. I was thinking that he'd make a great President someday. (Although I don't know that I'd want him to go through so much stress and scrutiny!) Speaking of which, I did tell the kids about the outcome of the election and they were upset about it. I then explained that they should continue to treat people with kindness, no matter what examples are out there to do otherwise. I'm glad my older son can be a good role model, no matter what.

So...
Am I pretending this is not happening? No. Head and feet are well above the sand.
Did I vote for him? NO! #ImWithHer
Am I going to cause a riot over what happened? No.
Am I going to attack my friends and colleagues who voted differently? No, but I would appreciate them having the same respect for me.
Am I going to share articles and other thoughts I agree with, as well as petitions, ways to help our country, etc. on social media? You bet I am!
Do I support my friends and loved ones who are hurting the most and will be affected by this Presidency? Definitely. Without a doubt!
Am I amongst the vulnerable population? If being Jewish and female counts, then yes.
Am I leaving the country? While we have family and friends in Canada, the prospect of changing our lives so drastically is unrealistic. If we needed to escape in a rush, G-d forbid, we do have passports. In any case, many people have suggested that leaving the country would be a bad idea and would not be showing support for the people who need it most. And although I don't like that the President will live only 40 minutes away, I do like my home, friends, job, etc.

Another important thing to realize is that she won the popular vote (even if by a narrow margin). It gives me hope that we can have another woman candidate run for President in the future. Someone suggested the almost-former First Lady. That would be amazing! (Maybe down the road, we'll have TWO women candidates up for the role.)

I feel like a lot of what I'm thinking has been said already (sometimes even with more vitriol and anguish). This country is definitely hurting right now. Split down the middle. We're going to need some major Tikkun Olam to get back into the shape we were in prior to this election. I'm not denying that we haven't always had problems of some degree or another, but this election was the most stressful and most devastating to our country.

I'm ultimately hoping that this is similar to the story my brother-in-law tells at Hanukkah about the man who is walking with a strange limp and another man who comes up to him and breaks his leg to save it from needing amputation, citing that he is a surgeon and will fix it for free. Only by breaking the leg will he be able to make the necessary repair, as the limp was indicative of a rare disease. The story was compared to how Hashem put us at war (during the time when Hanukkah came about) when he saw we were trying to assimilate. Only by breaking us could he make us stronger in our Judaism. I feel like the same is happening for our country. There is a higher power seeing that people are still not treating each other well. Maybe they're weeding out the "bad guys" for another Noah's Ark. I'm just hoping that good will "rise up" against evil in as many ways as possible so that the country can be fixed again.

My obsessions

Blog Project 3.0 has been going on for about three years, even though one of the group members changed after a few months. I love blogging with this group and I hope we can continue to inspire each other.

We will be posting bi-weekly as life keeps getting in the way.

Darwin Shrugged got to choose the topic: Remember me

First, read what everyone else had to share on this topic. I will be only posting links to posts on this same topic from my group. So check back if you were hoping to read their blogs and don't see a link yet.

Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock

I struggled with this topic in terms of how I would present it. I'm so much better with specific topics than general ones. However, I got to thinking about how I remember myself and what came up a lot were my obsessions over time. I feel that the things I have been obsessed with while growing up (and even now) have defined me in a lot of ways. I'm just going to list them all and share the age I was obsessed with them. If you knew me during any of these times, you'll probably have fun memories of how my obsessions played out in my life.

Links are to my blog posts about these topics.

*The Wizard of Oz (4 or 5): I think I watched it every day.
*Annie (5-6): My sister and I would act it out all the time. (I got to be Annie though!) I also had doll versions of the characters.
*The Parent Trap (8-9): Another movie my sister and I would act out. (I was Sharon and she was Susan.)
*Madonna (8-10): I remember making a project for science class and doing a parody of "Material Girl" to go along with it. I also did a project for art class about her.
*Moving Violations (8): Such a funny movie! I’d watch it almost every day when I was a kid. It’s even funnier to watch as an adult.
*Back to the Future (9): I even made coloring books about it.
*Punky Brewster (9): I couldn’t get enough of that show. I even had a Punky doll.



*Sweet Valley High and Baby-Sitters Club: I couldn't get enough of either series and loved when they had new books out. I'm even writing fan fiction for the latter.
*A Chorus Line (9-10): My sister and I named our cat Cassie for one of the characters.
*Rags to Riches (10-12): I didn't like '50s and '60s music until I saw this show. I also loved that Tisha Campbell was in Little Shop of Horrors around the same time.



*Dirty Dancing (11): Two words: Patrick Swayze. Also, I take pride in the fact that I look like Baby.
*Girls Just Want to Have Fun (10 to present): I still listen to the soundtrack and lament over why Lee Montgomery wasn't in anything else after this classic flick.



*Full House (11-present): I still get warm fuzzies from this show and love watching Fuller House with my kids nowadays.
*Sing! (13-present): One of the best underrated movies ever. If you’ve heard of it, please let me know. I once spent a day going to a bunch of record stores to find the soundtrack. I still love listening to it.



*V.C. Andrews books (13-25): They saved my sanity during my teen years and I even started an online fan club when I was in college.
*New Kids on the Block (13): Joey was my favorite and I got to meet him many years later.



*Ren and Stimpy (15-16): I used to watch this with my mom and we’d imitate Ren all the time. She even got Ren and Stimpy stuffed animals for my sister and me. I lost Ren though.



*Les Miserables (15): I saw it the first time when I was about 15 and then kept listening to the soundtrack.

I love this song:


*Beauty and the Beast (15): I bought a book of sheet music for all the songs, if that says anything about my obsession. I can’t wait for the live action version!
*Animaniacs (18): I got into this show right before college started and then would race back to my dorm after class to watch new episodes. I even went to the mall when the Warner Brothers Store had Animaniacs day. I didn’t get to meet the actors because the people working at the store were not being very fair, but I got a picture of Jess Harnell, who even smiled directly at the camera.



*Friends (18-25): I still love making references to this iconic TV series and playing Scene It trivia with my friends.



*Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (17-18): After first seeing it in high school, my sister and I would listen to the soundtrack every day and memorize the lyrics. Then we saw it again for my 18th birthday.
*The Rocky Horror Picture Show (18-25): Magenta. Need I say more?!?
*The Lion King (18-19): I lost count of how many times I saw it in the theater after it came out. I would listen to the music all the time too.
*Jewel (20-21): Her music saved my sanity after my first break-up and while working at a horrible summer job. I got to see her in concert too.
*Welcome to the Dollhouse (20): Another underrated film, but I could definitely relate to it. I wouldn’t have minded having Eric Mabius hang out in my house when I was 12 though. #JealousofDawn (And yes, I bought the soundtrack.)
*Rent (20-present): “There’s only us, there’s only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” I could probably single-handedly perform the entire show….at least in my car!
*Wicked (27-29): I saw it on Broadway, but knew all the songs well before then. It still had some amazing surprises that packed a punch.
*Chick lit novels (23 to present): My blog says it all!
*How I Met Your Mother (34-38): I got into this series after my youngest child was born and then binge-watched. My husband was into it with me.
*Orphan Black: I wish more people would see this show. It’s so fantastic! I’m sad that it’s ending after next season.
*The Mindy Project (37-present): Such a fun show and Mindy always knows how to make me laugh. I won a cast-signed script from one of the episodes a couple of years ago.
*Hamilton (now): I listen to the soundtrack and/or quote from it “non-stop.”
*Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (now): I can’t get enough of this show! Especially the music. And Greg…