Mazel Tov to Everyone!

I submitted this essay to the On Being Jewish Now substack and for some unknown reason, they are not planning to publish it. Since it doesn't belong to them anymore, I am sharing it here, as I still want to put my Jewish joy experience out there. Just to show there are no hard feelings, I linked to the substack so that you can see other posts people have written and so that many more Jewish voices will be heard. For more Jewish Joy, check out the post at my Bookstagram from this past December.

This past summer, my husband and I went to an Orthodox wedding. We are Modern Orthodox and have been to weddings like this in the past, but this time it felt different. 

The kallah (bride) was the daughter of a family from our shul and her brother is close with my older son. I don’t really have any connection with her one way or the other, but I was really happy for her family. What I was not expecting was to cry at this wedding. Multiple times. 

I cried when I first saw the kallah, while she was sitting in what looked to be the shul’s social hall, with her mom and soon-to-be mother-in-law while waiting for her chatan (groom) to arrive. She was so beautiful and glowing with excitement. In contrast to the black skirt I wore with a black top adorned with a beaded purple flower, she was wearing a stunning white, long-sleeved bridal gown trimmed with lace and shimmery beads. Everyone was standing in a crowd to give her and her family good wishes. In the meantime, there were buffet lines of delicious Kosher meat items, such as ribs, chicken dumplings, steak, etc. This was well before dinner, but the appetizers were incredible. 

I cried during the badeken, when the chatan entered with all the other men to look at the kallah before covering her face with the veil. (This is a ritual that came about after Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah instead of Rachel.) There was just so much ruach (excitement) and I am even getting teary-eyed again just thinking about it as I am writing this! It was a combination of the music, the men singing traditional Jewish wedding tunes in unison as they danced the chatan into the room, and even the memories of my own badeken over twenty years ago. (I recall laughing from joy at that time, while watching the men dancing my husband over to where I was sitting between my mom and mother-in-law, so that he could see me before lowering my veil.)

Here are some photos from our badeken. My late father-in-law is on my husband's right side and my dad is on the left, in the first picture. My mother-in-law is blessing my husband in the third picture.)

I cried during the ceremony, seeing the bride walk down the aisle and witnessing all the rituals that took place during that time, such as the kallah walking around the chatan seven times, a variety of family members and friends saying the sheva brachos (seven blessings), and the reading of the ketubah, amongst other standard wedding procedures. The chuppah was covered at the top and on the sides with pink and white flowers and some more traditional wedding music was being played by a small orchestra of string instruments as everyone walked down the aisle. The ceremony felt more spiritual and moving than it normally does at any given wedding. I was watching two people at the very start of their new life together during a tumultuous year, and seeing everyone rally around them.

I cried when everyone was dancing, women separate from men. Everyone was just so happy and lighthearted and we were all coming together for this simcha. There was so much love for the bride from her friends and it was just so beautiful to see. They were all treating her like royalty and celebrating her with so much ruach. I felt at that moment that I didn’t need to be close to the bride to be cheering her on and I didn’t need to personally know the women I was holding hands with while dancing in a circle. I need to preface this by saying that I normally don’t like dancing at simchas and didn’t even offer the opportunity for dancing at my son’s and daughter’s Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I just feel awkward when I’m dancing in a circle repeatedly at simchas. (I prefer events where my husband and I can dance together however we want.) I wasn’t even planning to dance at this wedding, but then the excitement just moved me to do so.

I cried because it was almost eight months since October 7th, but I was amongst a huge group of Jewish people who were there to experience joy and to show that this can not be taken away from us. We are strong. We are a community. We still care for one another. We still celebrate by wishing each other Mazel Tov, even if it’s not our wedding and we’re not related to anyone in the wedding party. We will continue to have simchas.We will continue to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We will prevail no matter what!

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My Daughter's Bat Mitzvah

Last month, my daughter had her Bat Mitzvah. We had a party to celebrate her coming of age and she made a speech about her parsha (Torah portion) at the celebration. She totally slayed it and made it even more interesting with her theatrical personality. It was a really nice celebration and I look back upon it fondly. My older son provided the entertainment with the improv troupe he started at his high school. That was a lot of fun and everyone enjoyed it. 

As tradition would have it, I made a top ten list for her during my speech, just like I did for her older and middle brothers. I'm not waiting until her thirteenth birthday to share this, as it's not until early next year.

1. She loves to read. I’m thankful to have kids who enjoy reading. She and I have a lot of similar tastes in books and I am more than happy to share novels that I loved when I was growing up. And I know we're going to "fight" over who gets to read Dahlia Adler's new book first. :) (Side note: I ended up reading it first.)

2. She’s really funny. I’m sure she picks up a lot of humorous bits from her siblings and from Jeff, but she definitely makes me laugh a lot, especially when she adds her own twists to what she already knows is funny.

3. She’s smart and does well in school. While middle school is a new experience for her with lots more homework, she has been getting As consistently throughout her first year there. 

4. She’s a great conversationalist. She always wants to “converse” with me and loves asking questions, which ends up leading to more questions.

5. She likes to draw and is really good at it! When I was her age, I had this big pad of paper on my desk and I would draw on it all the time, as well as in my school notebooks. She is the same way and she likes sharing her artwork with me. She also likes drawing inside everyone’s greeting cards. (Her Zadie inspired that.)

6. She has a strong moral compass and it’s important to her that people behave ethically. 

7. She is kind and loyal to all her friends. Friendship is important to her and she never wants to jeopardize that. 

8. She loves musical theater. I enjoy taking her to see shows and then hearing her sing the songs from her favorite musicals. She did Imagination Stage camp last summer and had a blast and she’s excited to go back again in a couple weeks. 

9. She still wants to spend time with us. If you knew me at 12, I was not that way with my parents and usually kept to myself. (Sorry, Mom and Dad.) However, she always wants to have quality family time and she also loves our mom-and-daughter days out. (Especially if it means going to Bath and Body Works and getting Starbucks.)

10. She is one of the sweetest and most genuine people I know. If everyone had her personality and attitude, the world would be a much better and happier place to live in. 

I want to wish Mazel Tov to M. You are an amazing daughter and I am so lucky and thankful to be your Eema. I know you have a lot of great things coming to you in life and I can’t wait to see what those will be!

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A Virtual Vacation: Thoughts on The White Lotus

 

Courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes

Courtesy of IMDb

I don't know what made me want to watch The White Lotus recently. Perhaps some posts on social media? All I know is that I decided to check it out one day and now I can't stop thinking about it! For me, it's on par with Six Feet Under in terms of how it is so cleverly done. The writing is beyond incredible and I love all the acting too. (I'm surprised only three actors got Golden Globe nods.) The stories and characters are unique to each season and only one storyline carries over from the first season to the second.

I'm going to share reasons why you should watch it and then I will post spoilers further below so that you can opt out if you haven't seen it yet. (But come back once you have!)

1. Both seasons start with a mystery. There's a dead body involved, but you won't know whose it is until the last episode. So you're guessing all the time how things will unfold and who will be the unfortunate victim. 

2. It is full of celebrities. Aside from Jennifer Coolidge, season one has Connie Britton, Steve Zahn, Alexandra Daddario, and Molly Shannon. I also recognized the main actress from Little Voice, Brittany O'Grady. Season two has Aubrey Plaza, Theo James, Michael Imperioli, F. Murray Abraham, Haley Lu Richardson, Tom Hollander, and Meghann Fahy (fans of The Bold Type will recognize her). Even one of the actors from Emily in Paris is in a few episodes!

3. The settings are amazing! Season one is in Hawaii and season two is in Sicily. I literally felt like I was transported from my couch into these settings and could smell the fresh sea air and taste all the delicious looking food. It made me want to go to an all-inclusive resort again. 

4. It is really funny. Not funny in a comedic way, but in a bizarre way. I laughed out loud many times though. 

5. The lesser known actors keep it really interesting. I had never seen the actor who plays Armand in season one or the actress who plays Belinda in season one, but they were both so interesting to watch. As for season two, I loved the two Italian girls and I even warmed to Valentina after a while. 

6. The music fits so well with everything else on the show. It just accents the mood and feels so authentic to the setting.

7. It's just so intelligent. It doesn't go over anyone's head though. There is a lot of commentary made about today's society, wealth, relationships, etc. 

8. Once you've seen one episode, you'll want to very quickly binge the rest and you also won't be able to stop thinking about it. 

9. There's a decent amount of LGBTQ+ representation in both seasons. 

If I haven't convinced you to watch yet, then perhaps the trailers will. (The season two trailer may have a light spoiler for season one.)

Season one trailer:

 

 Season two trailer:

  

Spoilers ahead....

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It will take a long time to discuss each and every character, so I'm going to just share my favorites and least favorites for each season. 

Tanya (Jennifer Coolidge) is a mix for both seasons. I liked her one moment and got really annoyed with her the next. That went back and forth a lot. However, I didn't want her to be the tragic victim at the end of season two. (Just for fun, Nicole Travolta does a great impression of her.) The irony of her saving herself from being killed by Greg's gay mafia and then drowning anyway was just too much and I am still processing it. 

Season one:

Favorite characters:

Rachel: It's impossible not to like her. I just don't get why she was with Shane. She could do so much better. I was annoyed that she went back to him at the end of the season.

Belinda: An easy favorite. She was so kind to Tanya and put up with so much from her. I felt so bad that she got screwed over and never got to open her own spa. I love that Tanya made a reference to this in season two and assumed that Belinda cursed her. I kind of hope she did!

Quinn: He reminds me of my younger son in lots of ways. He was definitely misunderstood by everyone and I'm actually glad he stayed behind, even though I wouldn't have been happy about that if I were actually his mother. 

Least favorite characters:

Shane: He is such a tool. I wish he would have just gotten over the whole hotel room issue and just enjoyed getting some perks out of it instead. I'm sure Armand would have been nicer to him if he had just backed off. 

Mark: I just found him incredibly annoying. It's sad that it had to take an act of heroism, where he still ended up getting injured, for his wife to respect him again. 

Olivia: She was so vapid and I thought it was rude of her to go after the guy Paula liked. And then she wondered why Paula didn't trust her. 

Armand falls somewhere in the middle. He is a piece of work but he's also the most interesting and the most flawed. I didn't like that he stole the girls' drugs and used them and then lied about it but I also love the sick way he got revenge on Shane (even though it was pretty gross). I did not expect him to be the one to end up dead and I had actually hoped it would be Greg with all his health problems. (I originally worried it would be Rachel because of how Shane acts at the beginning of the season.) I didn't like Greg and hate him even more in season two.

Paula also falls in the middle. There are things that are likable about her, but I also didn't think it was cool for her to indirectly steal from her friend's family, even if it was for a good cause. I don't blame her for wanting to help Kai. Did he turn himself in though? Or was he caught somehow? 

I loved Molly Shannon as Shane's mom. She's always so great! If you haven't seen I Love that For You, she has a really big part on that series and she's fantastic.

Season two:

Favorite characters:

Lucia: I don't care if she was playing Albie to get all that money (I kind of had a feeling she was to begin with), I just hope she uses it for something good, like to open the store she wanted to own. Lucia is definitely girl-crush worthy. She's stunning and I love how she puts on the pathetic act to manipulate men. She reminds me a lot of Luna from Beauty Queen of Jerusalem.

Albie: He's just a genuinely sweet guy, not to mention adorable! I felt bad for him that Portia wasn't more into him. He's a catch!

Portia: I felt bad for her having to put up with Tanya's demands and that she got caught up in the whole plan to kill Tanya (in that she was being distracted away from her). She also has girl-crush appeal, but in a cute way. The nose ring adds to her overall essence. I just don't get how she didn't know her boss was the person who died. 

Bert: He is so funny with how candid he is all the time. He reminds me of my late paternal grandfather. I think the last time I remember seeing F. Murray Abraham in anything, it was Amadeus. So it's been a while. In any case, I'm glad he got a Golden Globe nomination! Well deserved.

Mia: Mia grew on me later in the season. She has a great singing voice and seems pretty genuine, even when she's being manipulative in her own way. I actually liked that she helped Valentina out like she had promised. 

Harper: I like Aubrey Plaza a lot in general and she did an amazing job in this role. Her dry wit and cynicism balanced with her party girl drunk side was a lot of fun to watch. Another Golden Globe nomination that was definitely earned.

Least favorite characters:

Greg: OMG he is such a jerk and I hate him so much. That's all. I really do wish he was the one who ended up in the ocean. I keep thinking that Tanya McQuoid married a real dickwad.

Jack: He's such an annoying tool. I didn't even think he was as cute as Albie either. At least he didn't hurt Portia and instead gave her a warning.

Dominic: He was just boring and annoying. I would have just enjoyed Albie and Bert having a grandpa and grandson trip. Dominic knew that he wronged his wife and he somehow expected her to forgive him. He also blamed Bert a lot for his problems. Seriously? Just own it! I did think it was hilarious that he had to deal with the awkwardness of knowing Lucia slept with his son.

Giuseppe: He's just gross and predatory. And definitely lacks talent. I'm glad Valentina sent him on his way. 

Ethan: He was boring most of the season until he got angry, and even that didn't seem as convincing to me. Maybe if he showed Harper more affection during the trip, there wouldn't be all the suspicion between them. 

Like Armand, Valentina also falls in the middle. It took me a long time to warm to her but then I felt bad for her when she found out that Isabella was straight. I liked how she had the power to make whatever decisions she wanted and how she used that to help Mia keep the performing gig. 

Cam falls in the middle for me, as well. He's a bit of a douche, but it's Theo James so he's total eye candy and I love how cute he gets with Daphne.

I would have totally enjoyed hanging out with all the gay men, but finding out that they were helping Greg get rid of Tanya ruined me for them. If there was a group of gay men who didn't have an agenda, I would definitely hang out with them at a resort. I also would have enjoyed hanging out with Daphne. She just seems like she's easy to be friends with. She's so chill about everything too. 

The only thing I don't like is the opening credits. They just take forever and the music, especially in the first season, is annoying. I always skipped through them. 

Anyone care to discuss The White Lotus with me?

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Best of 2021

Courtesy of Sammiches and Psych Meds

2021 was almost a repeat of 2020, which explains the abundance of TV shows on this list...

New (to me) TV shows that I enjoyed in 2021 (in no particular order):

1. One Day at a Time

2. Being Erica

3. Workin' Moms

4. Cruel Summer: Such an interesting and well-done teen mystery thriller. I loved the 90s throwbacks and the Cold Case feel.

Courtesy of Deadline

5. Schmigadoon

6. Shtisel: I really hope they'll bring it back for a fourth season. There's still so much they could do with this series and I definitely miss the characters. 

7. Ted Lasso: My latest obsession!!!

8. Ordinary Joe: There's still more to go with this first season, but it's really creative and I love seeing what will happen next. 

Courtesy of TV Insider

9. Maid

10. Only Murders in the Building

11. Hacks: Really funny and well done. A Devil Wears Prada for the comedy circuit. I can see why Jean Smart got the Emmy for Best Actress in a Comedy Series.

12. Little Voice: I'm sad that this only got one season. It's a great show created by Sara Bareilles. I love all the Broadway references, courtesy of Louie. It was nice to see one of the actors in the Dear Evan Hansen movie though.

Courtesy of Deadline

Shows I watched that didn't make it to the list (but I'll still watch anyway):

The Morning Show: It's such a train wreck, but has a fabulous cast. Just too much yelling, fighting, and really long conversations.

Kevin Can F--k Himself: I mainly watch this for Annie Murphy as Kevin is a real life Peter Griffin and I can see why he made her snap!

Courtesy of CNET

Ginny and Georgia

And Just Like That: It leans toward the cringey side, but that could change next year...

Saved by the Bell reboot: It's funny in regards to nostalgia from the original series (and some great meta stuff) but some aspects tend to be annoying.

Courtesy of Vox

Top 5 favorite movies from 2021:

1. In the Heights

2. Free Guy: So funny, creative, interesting, suspenseful, and entertaining. Highly recommended!

Courtesy of TechRadar

3. Tick Tick Boom

4. Cruella: Really well done. More Disney villain movies need to be done this way. Ursula needs to be next!

5. The Hating Game: Just watched this recently. Great adaptation of Sally Thorne's romcom novel. I actually like it better than the book!

Courtesy of Decider

Books:

See my top five picks at Chick Lit Central, as well! I read so many amazing books this year (go to my Goodreads page and see all the five-star books) and am sad to have to narrow it down at all. Links are to reviews (or Bookstagram posts)

1. The People We Keep by Allison Larkin (leaned more toward YA and New Adult, but was definitely one of the best books I read this year)

2. The Stranger in the Lifeboat by Mitch Albom

3. With Love from London by Sarah Jio (This was going to go on my list at CLC, but it publishes in 2022)

4. 100 Days of Sunlight by Abbie Emmons

5. Wish You Were Here by Jodi Picoult

6. The Heart Principle by Helen Hoang

7. The Henna Artist by Alka Joshi

8. Half Life by Jillian Cantor

9. The Chance to Fly by Ali Stroker and Stacy Davidowitz

10. The Last House on the Street by Diane Chamberlain

Musical treat this year:

Being able to watch Come From Away on Apple +. It was a really good musical and I can't listen to the songs without getting teary-eyed. 

Famous people I want to meet:

*Brett Goldstein. He plays Roy Kent on Ted Lasso and he's everything! Of course, I would be happy to meet anyone from this wonderful show.

Courtesy of TV Insider

The rest is mostly the same from last year, but bears repeating:

*Dan Levy because, like, obviously! ;) (I also wouldn't mind meeting the cast of Schitt's Creek though!)

*Michael Judson Berry: He's so funny with his Schitt's Creek impressions and videos and he seems like he's so down-to-earth and friendly too. 

*Randy Rainbow: When have I NOT wanted to meet Randy Rainbow?!? He's saved my sanity since 2016. 

Highlights from 2021:

*My family getting the Covid vaccine. We are all now fully vaccinated and my husband and I are boosted. Our oldest will be boosted soon.

*My sister got married and we got to attend her wedding in Chicago and finally meet my new brother-in-law in person. They are perfectly matched and I'm really happy for them both!

*Getting to see my best friend and her husband when we were in Chicago. (My family and I didn't have time to make plans with a lot of people, but we couldn't be in the same city and NOT meet up!)

*Getting to see "Will" again after five long years. He officiated my sister's wedding too.

*My younger son's Bar Mitzvah

*I got a new job!!! And it's in a field that actually interests me and is something I want to grow into even more: Book publicity!

* Having Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws. It was so nice to be back together in person again. I hope we can make things work for Passover, as long as omicron gets under control!

*My kids going back to school in person. It's been good for them, even if it means I get up at 5:45 am!

*Some mini-vacations: Staying at a cabin in the woods, going to Virginia Beach (and spending an entire day at the beach itself), staying at a cozy house for a little winter retreat. 

*I made a couple of new friends, which is a challenge in this day and age. Both live nearby and I've already connected with one in person a couple of times. I have lots in common with both of them, as well. 

*Getting to see my friend who moved to Florida a few years ago. She was in town for a week and we hung out a couple of times.

*The Chinese food car picnic my husband and I had for our anniversary. 

That's a wrap for 2021! Here's hoping there will be an end to this pandemic in 2022. 

Got this from a friend's Facebook post

Also got this from a friend's Facebook post

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A Festivus for the Rest of Us!

Today is Festivus, so I felt it was an appropriate time to air my grievances. Keep in mind that most of these are first world problems, but it's still enough to get my goat, so to speak. Feel free to share your grievances in the comments. (Keep in mind that I monitor them to avoid spam, so don't worry if it doesn't show up right away.)

*The Amazon situation that I hope to never experience again. Long story short, they would NOT make it easy for my son to access his account, and he would have lost his gift card balance as a result. Somehow my husband was able to get them to let him back in, but this was after I made 20 zillion calls.

*USPS delaying mail for a month and a half and then delivering a damaged item. It looks like they spilled coffee all over it.

*Covid coming back in full force and somehow this new strain is vaccine resistant. I really hope we can get it under control this time. I don't think my kids can deal with going virtual again. 

*Extracurriculars being cancelled but not athletics, even though the athletes are the ones taking off their masks during practice....

*Rent getting cancelled. My oldest and I were supposed to see it at a local professional theater. I hope they'll extend its run when things get better. 

*People driving really bad. Now that my oldest has his permit, I'm even more hyperaware of all the bad drivers he'll have to contend with. I've been cut off a couple of times and I'm glad I was the one behind the wheel during those instances. 

*The sun being too bright in the kitchen. My husband got something to help with this, but apparently we need a handyperson to install them. And since anyone my husband has called has either not called back or came to check things out and never gave a quote, who knows when this will happen? I currently put paper grocery bags on my kitchen table to block the sun from getting directly into my eyes. 

*The bus depot accusing me of lying. A few weeks ago, my younger son's bus was running late. I called the depot and they said that the driver had already been there and no one was waiting for it. We had been there since 7:00 and the bus had not been there or we would have seen it. It's hard to miss.

*Being forced to purchase a month of Peacock Premium to be able to watch Annie Live. At least we got Saved by the Bell out of that. Still, there are so many streaming services and all come at a price. If the show was on a network station, their website should be streaming it without requiring a cable account. If someone has cable, they don't need to stream the show from the website when they can watch it on their TV. 

*CVS not accepting conditioner as a beauty product for the free beauty product deal. It makes my hair silky and smooth, so I consider that to be a beauty product. 

*How annoying it is to schedule a booster vaccine for people. (And even just the regular vaccine for kids.) And it's even more annoying to find out that it's very hard to get a Covid test and that places are charging a large amount of money for one. Is that legal? Some places in our state are giving out free Covid test kits, but they are totally out of the way. 

*All the spam entries I had to clean out from a giveaway I did at my blog. I'm glad someone alerted me to this, but what a pain!

*Not getting certain books in advance even though I've been blogging for 10 years and some other people have already got these books, so I know they're available. 

*My older son's job situation: Why does he need to do THREE interviews for a pizza place when most places are lucky if someone wants to work for them right now and would hire them on the spot? When he had his "audition" meeting, they had him cleaning toilets. They also keep putting off his offer meeting. 

*The holiday eves are on Shabbat. It's hard to stay up until midnight to ring in the new year when that's the case. I also can't do my Rent post on Facebook, unless I change something around that day. 

*I got on the Philadelphia cream cheese website at noon the other day for a chance to get $20 toward another dessert item and the site was backed up and not working. There was another chance to do it, but of course it was on Shabbat. :P

*My hands are so dry all the time even though I use tons of Aquaphor and gloves every night. I go through so many bandages and look like Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors.

*Getting notifications of deals on certain websites, but they're only good for that same day. Why even bother? 

*Special K Vanilla Almond always being out of stock at my local CVS.

*Brett Goldstein (Roy Kent) not being included in the sexiest men issue of People magazine. GRRRRR....

Tedlassogifs Ted Lasso GIFfrom Tedlassogifs GIFs

Tell me your grievances! Don't be shy.

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Maid has got it made!

Courtesy of SpoilerTV

When I first heard about the book Maid (which I never got around to reading) becoming a TV series, I was curious to check it out. A few friends recommended it, as well. I was hooked from the very beginning of the first episode and then taken on this emotional ride throughout all ten of them. Margaret Qualley was fantastic as Alex and her performance was flawless throughout. If she doesn't get an Emmy for this next year, I will be completely shocked. 

I will be posting spoilers after the trailer, but here are some reasons to watch it, if you haven't yet thought to do so.

1. Margaret Qualley and Andie MacDowell are not only mother and daughter on the show, but also in real life. (Margaret even looks like her mom did at that age!)

2. The little girl who plays Maddy is so adorable! I was impressed that she was played by one actress the entire time, instead of twins. I love how she only wanted to listen to "Shoop" (brings back 90s memories) and that she had this mermaid doll named Shmariel.

3. It's impossible to not get emotionally invested. 

4. There are some actors who you may recognize aside from Margaret and Andie. Nick Robinson from Love, Simon plays Alex's ex-boyfriend. Raymond Ablack from Degrassi and Ginny and Georgia plays Alex's friend. Anika Noni Rose, who has performed on stage and also did the voice of Tiana in The Princess and the Frog, plays a woman who Alex cleans for and later becomes a confidant to. Erin Karpluk from Being Erica and A Million Little Things plays a small role, as well. (I was also excited to find out that Jessica Steen, from my favorite movie, Sing, also has a small role.) If you are ready to read the spoilers, I found two other people I recognized. :)

5. It's just such an interesting story and stays that way the entire time. Seeing Alex trying to get back on her feet is worthy of cheering on every time she has a win and then you want to cry for her each time she experiences a setback. 

6. This show will stay with you for a long time. It will also help you see what you take for granted. 

Funny story: One night we were watching an episode and our younger son came downstairs to tell us he was going to take a bath. Right after that, Alex told Maddy it was time to take a bath. Such funny timing!

**Please keep in mind that there are triggers for abuse/domestic violence throughout the series.**

Watch the trailer:

 

Thoughts with spoilers:

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1. There were so many times I wanted to reach through the screen and slap Alex's mom and dad. Mostly her mom, but definitely her dad by the end. One of the first was when her mom and Basil took Alex out for dinner and then expected her to pay for everything when she barely had a dollar to her name! My husband said that her mom was like an older version of Kimmy Gibbler from Full House. Her dad really infuriated me at the end when he wouldn't stand up for Alex in regards to Sean being emotionally abusive.

2. I like how there were some symbolic things and how we'd view the story from Alex's mind, like when they were in court and people kept saying "legal, legal, legal..."

3. I loved her friend Danielle and was so sad that she went back to her abusive relationship and then pretended not to know Alex when they ran into each other later on. 

4. I really liked how Regina came around and helped Alex later on. I think she really did see Alex as more than a maid, even when Yolanda had told Alex otherwise.

5. There were so many things that were just so frustrating, like all the hoops Alex had to jump through. Or when a client cancelled and then Alex lost payment from that. 

6. Sean was so infuriating overall, but he had some redeeming moments that most other guys in his position are too selfish to even consider. 

7. I really liked Denise, who ran the DV shelter. I was sad to find out that she was also a victim and her happiest day story was so harrowing. 

8. The show had some funny moments to balance out all the darkness, which I appreciated.

9. That one house Alex had to clean was so disgusting. I couldn't even imagine having to deal with all that. Also, the time when she was in another house and got stuck in that crawlspace was so anxiety-provoking. I hate the idea of getting trapped into a small space like that.

10. I love how Alex was helping the woman who was a hoarder and how she helped Alex in turn with building up her business and starting to get back on her feet some more. 

11. I liked when they would show how much Alex was spending and how the amount of money she had kept dwindling. It made things feel even more desperate for her.

12. I loved the montage with "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen. It was such an uplifting moment.

13. I recognized two minor actors from The Baby-Sitters Club in small parts on this show. One was the girl playing the piano at one of the houses where Alex was cleaning. She was the girl in "Kristy and the Snobs." The woman Alex rented the nice house from (that Sean got her kicked out of) was Stacey's doctor in "Stacey's Emergency."

14. The boutique at the DV shelter made me think of a non-profit in our area where I have volunteered a couple of times. Having volunteered, I understand why they made it feel like an actual store.

15. In the last two episodes, Regina helps Alex secure a pro-bono lawyer who really helps her out with the whole custody situation so that Alex can move to Montana with Maddy. I have taken to calling her a "magic fairy lawyer." I know people who could really use someone like this, particularly one of my close friends. So if anyone has connections to a "magic fairy lawyer" in Maryland, please let me know and I will share the information with my friend. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on Maid! Please feel free to share them in the comments.

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Giving up on the ghost

I was inspired to write this because of a HerStories Project writing exercise about friendship at midlife. I submitted it to them, but since it didn't get chosen, a close friend said I should share it anyway....

Fifteen years ago, the concept of “ghosting” didn’t exist yet. It happened to me though, and I didn’t know how to define it at the time….

I had a great friendship with a girl I connected with during the end of my second to last year of college (back in the late 90s). We had a lot of interests in common and so much to talk about. We’d e-mail all the time and even tell each other stuff that was deeply personal.

During the summer before my last year of college, she moved out to my neck of the woods, so I tried to connect her with some people to make her adjustment that much easier. One attempt was to introduce her to a guy as a potential love interest. That was a minor fail because she fell for his friend and they got married about two years later. For a while, we still had stuff to talk about, but less in common, as she was embarking on this whole grown-up, career-driven, married, suburban life and I was still at home with my parents after graduating college and having trouble finding jobs while in a dead-end dating relationship. It sometimes felt like she was judging my relationship at the time and looking down on me for it, but it also was a gentle nudge to say that it wasn’t the right relationship for me, even though I couldn’t see it yet.

Later, I was in a better place in my life (I had just started dating my husband and was living on my own with a stable job) and she became a mom around that same time. I was really happy for her. Things were good between us for a while, even though she was busy with the demands of motherhood.

That all changed about a year later, when she disappeared off the face of the planet. This was shortly after she and her toddler had visited me at my apartment one afternoon. I was a bit nervous because my place wasn’t child-proofed, but I still enjoyed having her child there. Afterward, I made efforts to stay in contact, but they were not reciprocated. The most contact I had from her was a short reply to a party invitation saying she wasn’t available to attend. After some deliberation, I eventually decided not to invite her to my wedding or any parties leading up to it.

I’m disappointed that we lost contact and that I never had an explanation as to why. I guess that’s her choice and I’ve made so many other good friends since then. Sometimes I wonder what things would have been like if we had stayed friends. A couple of years after she cut off contact, I had my first child. I imagine that we would have had a lot to talk about and that I would have asked her for parenting advice. Especially since both our firstborns are the same gender. Would we have stayed in touch when I moved to another state? Would we have been connected on social media? Fifteen years feels like a lifetime, and I’m only in my early forties. That’s a decade and a half of experiences we didn’t get to tell each other about.

What I also wonder is if she ever thinks of me. I try to keep her out of my mind, but things will come up that remind me of her. I still remember her birthday. Sometimes I see celebrities who look like her on TV or in movies. She sometimes appears in my dreams and we have conversations. And I wonder how I’d react if she ever realized the error of her ways and came back to me to ask forgiveness. I don’t see that ever happening, but I would hope I would have it in me to hear her out and forgive her.

I feel like being ghosted by this friend has colored the way I see my friendships since then. I have a hard time trusting the friendship, even when I probably have nothing to worry about. If I don’t hear from a friend for a certain amount of time, I get all paranoid and emotional about it and over-analyze everything I’ve said and done in their presence or via e-mail. I do have a lot of wonderful friends whom I trust, but there’s always that nagging feeling that I’ll do one little thing to mess up the friendship and it will be like this situation all over again. And given that I have so many fulfilling and meaningful friendships now, why do I still think of this one friend and what could have been? The one thing I have learned from this is to not ghost my friends. If it’s a mutual parting of ways, that’s one thing, but I won’t put a friend through what I have been through.

Some parts of this post were taken from a post I wrote in 2010: Friends 'til the "end"

My first attempt at poetry in 22 years...

Blog Project 3.0 has been going on for about three years, even though one of the group members changed after a few months. I love blogging with this group and I hope we can continue to inspire each other.

We will be posting bi-weekly as life keeps getting in the way.

This week, Moma Rock chose the topic: Write a poem. It can be prose, haiku, sonnet. Whatever you desire, and whatever you'd like it to be about.

First, read what everyone else had to share on this topic. I will be only posting links to posts on this same topic from my group. So check back if you were hoping to read their blogs and don't see a link yet.
Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock

Since we're just coming off of Yom Kippur, which is the holiday of confessing our sins, I have another confession to make....my mind has a tendency to wander off during any religious service. This has happened ever since I was a kid. I try to focus on the prayer at hand, but then my mind will pick up on something and go on its own path. So I'm going a bit freestyle to talk about some of the things that pop into my head while I'm sitting (or standing) in Shul.

Side note: I have not written a poem since senior year of high school. So please bear with me!

Head (in) space

Why is the air conditioner only set to "Arctic" during the High Holy Days?
I mean, seriously. I'm frrrrrreeeeeeeeezing.
Even my sweater and jacket aren't helping.
Mental note: bring gloves next year.
And a scarf!

What does the Hebrew on top of the ark say?
How many pages left until the service is over?
Why do I always get seated where there isn't a place to rest my Siddur?
Mumbling while reading Hebrew aloud is not really helping anyone.
What page are we even on? (See the above sentence.)

Are we going to survive through Election Day?
How am I going to catch up on my shows
when more are coming back next week?
What do I need to get done at work?
What is going to happen next in my book?
What happened in a book I read three months ago?

Since half the Siddur is in Hebrew
and half in English,
we're only reading half the pages,
so divide the amount left by two.
Much more manageable.
We just skipped a bunch of pages.
Now there are even less to divide.

Other people's problems
that I somehow need to worry about
right now.

When everyone is kneeling
low to the ground
at the same time
it looks like simultaneous heart attacks.

When will they close the ark so I can sit again?
They closed it. Why are people still standing?
Are they actually going to collect the donation cards?

Hamilton.
Hamilton.
Hamilton. 
HamiltonHamiltonHamiltonHamilton...

The speech was about putting yourself first.
Now I have "Put Yourself First"
from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
in my head.

I had weird dreams last night
and now seems like the perfect time
to analyze them.
Why did I even have those dreams?!?

Everyone else here has
better clothes
and hats
and shoes
than me.

That's a really cute baby.
Glad my kids aren't babies anymore.
Glad I can look at a baby and not want another.
What will my kids be like as teenagers?

Come on...concentrate
concentrate...
concentrate...
This part is important!
*Mind goes off again.*
Wait up!

Is it me or does anyone else's mind wander in Shul?
What is my husband thinking?
The people next to,
in front of,
behind
me?
I can't be the only one having these random thoughts.
Can I?

Only a few pages left.
I can do this.
Get back here, mind!

Time to get the kids.

Zork, part 2

Remember Zork?

Well, my older son apparently was very motivated to write (more than I have been lately), and decided to write a sequel. Here goes...

The galaxies once created a planet named Zorkanog far far away from anyone’s solar system. Zork finally got a job that his parents Zork and Zork liked. Zork worked at the mission control center preparing the spaceships for Zorkanog orbitings. He knew all the instructions so whenever someone shouted, “Pour the oil!” He would do it.

One day when Zork was working on the ship, the instructor shouted, “Squeeze the lemonade!”

It was almost as if Zork had a question mark on top of his head. “Squeeze the lemonade?” Suddenly, Zork’s eye spotted something. It was a lever that had the word LEMONADE on it. Zork had the urge to pull it and when he did, the rocket started rumbling. The label was upside down! The rocket ship was really called the EDANOMEL.

“I said to squeeze the lemonade! Not the lever!” The instructor shouted

“Uh oh!” Zork mumbled.

The rocket ship started to rumble.

“Whoah!” Zork shouted.

Zoom! The rocket ship flew into the galaxy of Altania. Boom! Zork landed on the ground of the EDANOMEL. The platform opened and Zork walked out onto a dusty planet. There was a sign that said:

Welcome to Languia

Zork thought to himself, Languia? I’ve never heard of Languia before. Zork walked along a dirt path until he came to a noisy carnival.

An alien went up to Zork and asked, “Lang lang lang lang-lang lang?”

Zork responded, “Zorky zork zorkety zork zork.”

The creature that spoke Languish had a confused look on his face. The problem was Zork spoke Zorkon while the creature from Languia spoke Languish. Zork saw a roller coaster. When he went on, he could feel the roller coaster taking up speed. Flip! Zork forgot to buckle up. He landed in the EDANOMEL.

“BLAST OFF! a pixelated voice spoke.

Zoom!

When Zork was back in the comfort of his house he thought to himself, Maybe I should think of something better to do than squeezing lemonade.

Zork knew he could now do better.

To be continued?

Stacey's Big Break

I've decided to add to my Baby-Sitters Club fan fiction piece, sharing Stacey's perspective this time. While I related more to Mary Anne as a kid, I enjoyed reading about Stacey as she seemed to have it all together and always dotted her "i's" with hearts. The books about her were a lot of fun, especially "Boy-Crazy Stacey," which I decided to re-visit by bringing a character back from that story.

Before you start, read Kristy and Mary Anne's chapters, in that order.

~Stacey~

I wake up to sunlight streaming through my window, a pounding headache, and the chorus of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” playing over and over.  The latter being my ringtone.

“Turn that thing off!” I shout to no one, as Toby already left for work and it’s a little past 11 a.m. I cover my head with the pillow and groan, trying to piece everything together from last night. There was the impromptu dinner with the girls from the BSC, also known as my best friends in the world, aside from Laine. There was Kristy’s little attitude problem. And then there were the celebratory shots that Mallory and Dawn kept ordering for me. I don’t even know what time I got back to my apartment or even how I did that.

The ring tone shuts off by itself and I hear the ping telling me I have a new voice message. I hope it’s Kristy calling to apologize, but that would be asking too much.

After fixing myself some coffee, I check my voicemail.

“This message is for Stacey McGill. My name is Amanda Swanson and I am calling to invite you to audition for the national touring cast of Mary Poppins. Please come to the Javits Center on Saturday, March 19^th at 9 a.m. We hope to see you then.”

I nearly drop the phone. Mary. Poppins. My all-time favorite movie, and I have a chance to audition for the stage version! I want to tell all my friends at once, but I have a feeling they need a break from “The Stacey Show.” I decide to call Claudia instead, since it’s only a little after five in the evening in Paris.

After several rings, I’m about to hang up when Claudia answers.

“Hello?”

“May I speak to Claudia, please?”

“Stacey, it’s me.”

“You sure don’t sound like you.”

“Sorry. I think I picked up whatever my roommate brought home from the preschool where she teaches.”

“I should probably let you get some rest then.”

“No. You are calling me in Paris when everyone else lives somewhat nearby.”

“Well, since you’re my best friend, I thought you should hear first that I was invited to audition for the National touring cast of Mary Poppins!”

I am met with silence.

“Claudia? You still there?”

I hear some rustling.

“Sorry, I dropped the phone. What were you saying?”

“I was invited to audition for the National touring cast of Mary Poppins!”

“That’s amazing! They have to cast you as Mary. You know the whole movie by heart and you sing the songs perfectly.”

“Aww. Thanks!”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Before you dropped the phone, I was saying that you’re the first person I’ve told.”

“Before Toby? I feel honored. Do you think he’ll be excited for you?”

“Like you even have to ask? He knows this has been my dream.”

“How are you going to get married if you get chosen to be in the show and are barely home?”

“Let me figure that out. Why has this week been all about bursting my bubbles? First, Kristy questioned my marriage plans, and now you’re trying to keep me from auditioning for my favorite musical ever! Besides, it’s a tour and it might only go for a year or two.”

“What if you want kids? Aren’t you pushing the age limit to even try for them?”

“It hasn’t come up yet and I haven’t given motherhood much thought, thank you very much. Anyway, I should get going.”

“Okay… Well then, break a leg, and don’t forget to eat something before the audition.”

“Thanks… ‘Mom.’ Hope you feel better soon.”

“Thanks. Call me when the audition is over and let me know how it goes. Bye.”

After I hang up with Claudia, I pace around the apartment, trying to let out some negative energy. Then I start practicing “A Spoonful of Sugar” for the big audition while waiting for Toby to come home. I’m sure we’ll go out to celebrate, so I don’t even bother cooking.

***

I am up bright and early on Saturday, ready for the audition that could change my life. Quite a change from when I was woken up by the phone call about it a week and a half ago. I shower, change, kiss Toby while he’s still sleeping,  and am out the door with my audition bag (the “Kid Kits” inspired me to make a bag of stuff to keep me busy during the long waits at auditions) at 8:15. I hail a cab and am on my way to the Javits Center with plenty of time to spare so that I’m not completely rushed once I arrive.

Good thing I get there when I do, as the area roped off for auditions is already packed full of young women hoping for their big break on stage. I begin to wonder why they called me. Everyone else seems to be 10 years younger than me, or so it feels that way.

After waiting what feels like several hours and finishing a whole book, as well as catching up on e-mail (thanks, audition bag!), I finally get called in with about fifteen other girls. We’re led to a big conference room with a raised podium in front of a table with several men and women seated behind it.

I sit through several repetitions of various Mary Poppins tunes until I am finally called up to the podium for my turn. I make my way up there, trying to ignore the rumbling in my stomach that isn’t from nerves. (Why didn’t I listen to Claudia?!?) And as I’m standing on the podium, I see him. Jeremy Anderson. Tony winner several times over and intensely attractive. He's sitting at the table with the rest of the people who are patiently waiting to decide my fate, as I wait for the pianist to give me the starting notes. And he's piercing me with his radiant blue eyes, like he can see through me. Everyone else is giving me an impatient stare, in the meantime.
I think I'm supposed to say something, so I clear my throat and introduce myself.
"I'm Stacey McGill and I'm auditioning for the role of Mary Poppins. I'll be performing 'A Spoonful of Sugar' today." Then I look at the pianist to give him a cue to begin. I still feel Jeremy's stare as I position myself to audition for the role of a lifetime.
I hear the first note from the pianist, but then just a rushing sound in my ears like I'm underwater. My heart feels like it is racing a mile a minute, and just as I'm about to sing, the room turns pitch black.

Super Special

Blog Project 3.0 has been going on for about two years, even though one of the group members changed after a few months. I love blogging with this group and I hope we can continue to inspire each other.

This week, Darwin Shrugged chose the topic: An unexpected outcome

First, read what everyone else had to share on this topic. I will be only posting links to posts on this same topic from my group. So check back if you were hoping to read their blogs and don't see a link yet.

Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock

You may recall my fan fiction piece for The Baby-Sitters Club that I wrote back in 2014. Well, I've finally decided to write another chapter. I'm sure you didn't expect that, right? ;) (I will try to incorporate the topic in this chapter though.) Definitely read the chapter at the link above (if you haven't already, or if you want a refresher), before continuing here. I've decided to go with the format of Super Specials, which featured each character's voice in first-person when it was their turn for a chapter.

~Mary Anne~

The first thought that crosses my mind when I hear Stacey’s news is that I wonder if Alex will be at the wedding.
The second thought that crosses my mind immediately afterward is “Why am I wondering about Alex?”
I ponder both thoughts as I sit on the train, headed back to the Connecticut suburbs and my full house that somehow feels empty.
I met Alex before I started dating Logan. We were hanging out at Sea City and then we introduced his friend Toby to Stacey, once she got over her crush on that arrogant lifeguard. Alex and I stayed in touch as pen pals for a little while, at least until I met Logan. Then I will admit to slacking off on the letters until they became non-existent. I wonder if Alex even cared that I stopped writing. It’s not like he ever called me. So even if he were at the wedding, I don’t know that he’d be happy to see me.
And that brings me back to my other issue. Why should I even care what he thinks? I’m supposed to be happily married to my childhood sweetheart. Well, at least according to my Facebook posts. We’ve been together longer than I can even keep track of anymore and have five kids to show for it. So why am I even entertaining the idea of seeing a guy I only hung out with for a few days and stayed in contact with for a few months? What’s wrong with me?
It all comes down to Logan. I barely even see him these days. He works late hours and then I’m asleep by the time he gets home and I don’t wake up until long after he’s left the next morning. I only see him when Tanya wakes me up in the middle of the night for a feeding, but he’s sleeping by then. We send short e-mails to each other regarding stuff around the house or something to do with the kids. That’s been about it lately. I don’t even remember the last time I actually heard his voice aside from his outgoing voicemail message. This all led me to tell Kristy that I think Logan is cheating on me. I’m sure I’m being ridiculous though. I don’t recall a time he was ever unfaithful, even when we went to separate colleges. We still spent every weekend together, alternating who did the traveling each time. I immediately feel guilty for accusing Logan of cheating and for entertaining thoughts of reuniting with a guy from my past.
Then the curiosity gets to be too much and I open my Facebook app, seeing if I can first find Toby’s profile, which will lead me to Alex’s. I’m sure Stacey is friends with Toby on Facebook if they’re engaged. I’d be surprised if she didn’t update her relationship status as soon as she told us her news at dinner. And that’s another thing. When she told us about her engagement, I felt a pang of jealousy. That’s not normal for someone who has been married as long as I have. It can’t be.
I easily find Toby’s profile and am about to search for Alex’s when a text message comes in from Jodie, my 13 year-old.

When R U getting home? Dad said he’s gonna be super late again.

I text back that I’m on my way and ask if everyone is asleep.

Max is playing Legos in his room and Tanya is fussing around in her crib. The other 2 R sleeping.

I still don’t know how I managed to have five kids. Jodie was such an easy baby that she made me think I could handle another. Kate was born almost two years later. Then came the twins, Rory and Max, a few years after that. And now Tanya, whose arrival in my life was rather unexpected. Thankfully, the others help with her a lot. Max is outnumbered as the only boy, since Rory is a girl too. He is content to hide out in his room and play Legos though.
But where was I? I go back to my Facebook app with Toby’s profile open and look up the name Alex. I’m a bit fuzzy on his last name, but I think it started with a K. Of course, none of them have a last name with a K. For all I know, he and Toby are no longer friends. Or Alex isn’t on social media. I put my phone back in my purse and stare out the window, while my thoughts lead back to Kristy’s subtle hint at us working together again. I never really gave it much thought over the years. Kristy has a certain management style that would take some getting used to again. I also don’t know how I’d swing childcare. Maybe when Tanya is older and starts preschool, I could make it work.
Then something inside me snaps. I gave up on having a career when I first became a mom. I never even considered going back to my job as an executive assistant to a restaurant franchise owner after Jodie was born. Once I went on maternity leave, I knew I could never leave her with someone else while I spent each day in the office. However, part of me was itching to do something productive aside from feeding and changing diapers or tackling mountains of laundry. Logan convinced me that I was doing an amazing job as Jodie’s mom and that childcare would cost more than my salary, so what was the point of even working? He was making enough for the two of us to live comfortably. However, I’m tired of just spending my days shuttling the kids to and from school and after-school activities or lessons. The Mommy and Me group I attend with Tanya is so boring and I have nothing in common with the other moms, aside from having babies around the same age.
I pull out my phone again and text Kristy.

Are you still interested in me helping you with Nanny Corp?

I almost immediately receive a text back.

Are you serious?!?

I could find a way to make it work. Are you open to me telecommuting for now?

Let’s talk tomorrow. I’ll call during lunch.

Sounds good. Great seeing you tonight.

Same. Let’s make this happen!

Satisfied with my text exchange, I then open Google and search for divorce lawyers. And I don’t even find myself getting emotional about the possibility.
What’s wrong with me?