I submitted this essay to the On Being Jewish Now substack and for some unknown reason, they are not planning to publish it. Since it doesn't belong to them anymore, I am sharing it here, as I still want to put my Jewish joy experience out there. Just to show there are no hard feelings, I linked to the substack so that you can see other posts people have written and so that many more Jewish voices will be heard. For more Jewish Joy, check out the post at my Bookstagram from this past December.
This past summer, my husband and I went to an Orthodox wedding. We are Modern Orthodox and have been to weddings like this in the past, but this time it felt different.
The kallah (bride) was the daughter of a family from our shul and her brother is close with my older son. I don’t really have any connection with her one way or the other, but I was really happy for her family. What I was not expecting was to cry at this wedding. Multiple times.
I cried when I first saw the kallah, while she was sitting in what looked to be the shul’s social hall, with her mom and soon-to-be mother-in-law while waiting for her chatan (groom) to arrive. She was so beautiful and glowing with excitement. In contrast to the black skirt I wore with a black top adorned with a beaded purple flower, she was wearing a stunning white, long-sleeved bridal gown trimmed with lace and shimmery beads. Everyone was standing in a crowd to give her and her family good wishes. In the meantime, there were buffet lines of delicious Kosher meat items, such as ribs, chicken dumplings, steak, etc. This was well before dinner, but the appetizers were incredible.
I cried during the badeken, when the chatan entered with all the other men to look at the kallah before covering her face with the veil. (This is a ritual that came about after Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah instead of Rachel.) There was just so much ruach (excitement) and I am even getting teary-eyed again just thinking about it as I am writing this! It was a combination of the music, the men singing traditional Jewish wedding tunes in unison as they danced the chatan into the room, and even the memories of my own badeken over twenty years ago. (I recall laughing from joy at that time, while watching the men dancing my husband over to where I was sitting between my mom and mother-in-law, so that he could see me before lowering my veil.)
Here are some photos from our badeken. My late father-in-law is on my husband's right side and my dad is on the left, in the first picture. My mother-in-law is blessing my husband in the third picture.)
I cried during the ceremony, seeing the bride walk down the aisle and witnessing all the rituals that took place during that time, such as the kallah walking around the chatan seven times, a variety of family members and friends saying the sheva brachos (seven blessings), and the reading of the ketubah, amongst other standard wedding procedures. The chuppah was covered at the top and on the sides with pink and white flowers and some more traditional wedding music was being played by a small orchestra of string instruments as everyone walked down the aisle. The ceremony felt more spiritual and moving than it normally does at any given wedding. I was watching two people at the very start of their new life together during a tumultuous year, and seeing everyone rally around them.
I cried when everyone was dancing, women separate from men. Everyone was just so happy and lighthearted and we were all coming together for this simcha. There was so much love for the bride from her friends and it was just so beautiful to see. They were all treating her like royalty and celebrating her with so much ruach. I felt at that moment that I didn’t need to be close to the bride to be cheering her on and I didn’t need to personally know the women I was holding hands with while dancing in a circle. I need to preface this by saying that I normally don’t like dancing at simchas and didn’t even offer the opportunity for dancing at my son’s and daughter’s Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I just feel awkward when I’m dancing in a circle repeatedly at simchas. (I prefer events where my husband and I can dance together however we want.) I wasn’t even planning to dance at this wedding, but then the excitement just moved me to do so.
I cried because it was almost eight months since October 7th, but I was amongst a huge group of Jewish people who were there to experience joy and to show that this can not be taken away from us. We are strong. We are a community. We still care for one another. We still celebrate by wishing each other Mazel Tov, even if it’s not our wedding and we’re not related to anyone in the wedding party. We will continue to have simchas.We will continue to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We will prevail no matter what!
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