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| Courtesy of The Daily Nexus |
There are some ways in which the show is similar to the book. Like Devorah, Esty was raised by her grandparents, as her mom had left (we don't get told why in the book) and her dad wasn't able to raise her on his own (in the book, he has a developmental delay, on the show he is an alcoholic). The scene where she goes to meet her future mother-in-law is similar to the book, as well. They also talk about her difficulty with consummating her marriage. She is also sheltered in regards to knowing about sex. (In the book, there's a part where her grandma gets mad at her for asking about the word "virgin" on a bottle of virgin olive oil.) I like that the writers included a lot of details about Jewish rituals on this show. My husband and I agreed that they did a great job with it.
As with the book, I felt overwhelmed by Esty's life in Williamsburg. It seems strange for me to say that with growing up Jewish and having relatives who are frum, but I felt claustrophobic for Esty at her wedding and during the Passover Seder. Her husband told his family about their difficulty consummating the marriage, so everyone was in her business about it, which was so awkward and uncomfortable to even think about!
I really liked the use of music on this show. The pieces that were performed elevated the intensity of the story in some ways. There was such a passion for music, whether it was instrumental or vocal. It made me sad for Esty when she was told she couldn't take piano lessons anymore. It was something she really enjoyed. While I am a wife and mother, I appreciate being able to have interests of my own too. I am also glad to share those interests with my family. I love that I passed my enthusiasm for reading onto my kids, and now my husband is getting back into it, as well.
Overall, this is a great (limited) series and I would really like to see it continue. Shira Haas was delightful to watch as Esty. She really did well in this role.
Check out the trailer:
Book Review (originally posted at Chick Lit Central in 2012):
For those of you who don’t know much about me yet, you may want to read this blog post (be prepared, it’s long) about my transition from a secular lifestyle to one of a Modern Orthodox Jew. I still do a lot of secular things, mind you, but there are also things I don’t do anymore. For instance, I don’t use technology (computer, phone, television, etc.) from Friday night to Saturday night, in observance of Shabbat (the same applies during Yom Tov holidays, like Passover, Rosh Hashanah, etc., which usually go for two days, unless they are connected to Shabbat at one end or the other). That’s why I’m never online. I also don’t wear shorts, even in the summer (I wear jeans, pedal pushers, or skirts). And for two weeks a month, I do not so much as even hold hands with my husband. Those of you who think my lifestyle is restrictive may not want to read Unorthodox. The level of restrictions Deborah Feldman describes being raised with would be sure to cause eyes to pop out of their heads. However, if you have an open mind and are interested in reading about one aspect of a widely diverse religion, I highly recommend this book.
Since becoming more observant with Judaism was a choice for me, I find it hard to judge people who are more observant than I am. Parts of my family are frum (highly observant with many rules pertaining to keeping Kosher, observing Shabbat and holidays, modesty, etc.) and I respect their beliefs, even if I could never see myself wearing a shaitel (wig) and long sleeves all year long (especially on 90-100 degree--Fahrenheit--summer days). I respect anyone who has strong faith and does what they feel is important to them to show this faith. As long as they are not using it to hurt or oppress someone else, who am I to judge? Also, coming from a less “restrictive” secular lifestyle during which I watched Saturday morning cartoons and ate cheeseburgers at McDonald's, I am not one to tell a Satmar Hasid how to live their life. I would never fit into their lifestyle and don’t plan to. Especially if it meant I wasn’t allowed to read my books!
Deborah Feldman makes a strong case for herself as to why she decided to reject her roots. She starts off by describing her childhood and takes us up to the time she left everyone behind for a secular lifestyle. I don’t think she was ever meant to be Hasidic to begin with. As they say in the song “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast, “It’s a pity and a sin, she doesn’t quite fit in.” Deborah knew she didn’t fit in right away and her aunts, uncles and cousins made this clear to her from the start. They thought something was wrong with her because her mom left to become secular and her dad was basically a child in a grown man’s body. While most girls her age sat quietly in school and did what they were told, Deborah was sent to the principal’s office many times for one rebellious behavior or another. She also smuggled secular books into her house and hid them where she thought her Zeidy wouldn’t look during Passover cleaning.
As she grew older, she tried her best to fit into the life she was given. She made friends and participated in all the Sabbath and holiday rituals. She even helped her Bubby cook. Still, she found ways to stand out, which made finding her a proper shidduch (marriage match) that much harder. When she was finally paired off, she eagerly participated in the excitement leading up to her wedding day, which included giving and receiving gifts on the holidays, graciously taking her part in the spotlight during the pre-wedding ceremonies, setting up a home for herself and her soon-to-be chasan (husband) and taking kallah (bride) classes, which culminated in going to the mikvah prior to marriage. However, her wedding night was a different story. Deborah goes into a lot of intimate detail about what happens in her bedroom, which may be comfortable for some and cause others to squirm. Being as sheltered as she was, with a lack of sex education up until her kallah classes, she had no clue on how to consummate her marriage and this cluelessness led to a very difficult first year for her husband and herself. To top it off, her family (including her in-laws) knows what happened (or didn’t happen) in the bedroom and this adds to her shame and embarrassment. If only she had smuggled Judy Blume books instead of Little Women, she might have been more prepared for what was to occur on her wedding night and beyond.
I liked all the parts where she describes all the traditions for Shabbat and holidays, as well as wedding rituals. Even though I understood what was going on, I still felt as though I had an outsider's view into another way of life. While most of the events in this memoir took place between the 1990s and 2010, it felt like I was dropped into the time period of Fiddler on the Roof. Although Khaled Hosseini's novels are fictional, while reading Unorthodox, I got the same feelings of nervous trepidation that I did while reading The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns. I kept thinking the whole time: "Oh, this can't be good." I don't know why I would dread what was waiting around the corner for Deborah, but perhaps the book's synopsis built me up to that level of anxiety.
I know the book cover and summary both imply what happens as Deborah gets older, as it mentions her giving birth to a son and how she eventually leaves her family behind for what she feels is a better life. And honestly, I don’t blame her for doing so! It was clear from the beginning that she was not meant to have this lifestyle, no matter how hard she tried to fit in, as it was her best bet for survival at the time. When she realizes there’s more to life than what she has experienced and tries to fit into the secular world, there’s still a lot in store for her. It’s not easy to transition from a sheltered life to one without rules and customs. I would have liked to know more details about her adjustment into this world and any setbacks she may have had. I also wanted to know if she kept up with any Jewish traditions after she became more secular. She just sums everything up in an epilogue, not really giving the full picture. It makes me wonder if she’ll write another book eventually, as she is an incredibly engaging writer.
Aside from some of the “gory” details, I really enjoyed getting to know Deborah and even saw pieces of myself in her. I was glad I had the opportunity to read Unorthodox (thanks to receiving it as a birthday gift) and would definitely recommend it to anyone who can handle reading about a lifestyle very much different from their own, without becoming judgmental. Reading this memoir made me realize how important it is to raise my children in a positive and fulfilling way, even while keeping to the rules we have embraced. If religion is crammed down ones' throat in a negative fashion, there could be more individuals who decide to become secular and the traditions and customs could eventually die out. It's important to have certain traditions and customs that will carry on for many more generations, but there's no reason they can't be made enjoyable.
Disclosure of Material Connection:
Some of the links in this post are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
Some of the links in this post are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
