This week's storyteller is also a book blogger, so we've connected through knowing a lot of the same authors. She's really nice and funny and I've enjoyed learning more about her. Try NOT to laugh while reading this....I dare you!
Name you'd like to go by: First name Julie, last name Valerie. Or, if you really like to party:
Julie, Julie bo-bulie
Banana-fana fo-fulie
Fee-Fi-mo-mulie
JULIE!
Age (or age range): 40-ish. Something. Kinda sorta. Um. Let’s just say I was born in the 1970s. So that would make me 43 on the high end. Oh, dang! I just said it. Okay. FINE. The cat’s out of the bag: I’m 43. *shoulders slump in defeat*
Gender: Pink.
Location: Universe, Milky Way Galaxy, Earth, Northern Hemisphere, North America, America, Mid-Atlantic East Coast, Virginia, Richmond area, cul-du-sac, house, writing/art studio, brown leather office chair that just like the Earth, spins around really, really FAST! Wheeeeeeee!!!
What is an experience that is legendary for you?
While wearing my birthday suit (ah hem) I jumped off an icy dock, through a large hole chiseled through two feet of ice on top of a tributary of the Baltic Sea off the coast of Finland. December 1995. And I lived to tell about it. Actually, the cold water, followed by having my back slapped over and over again with harvested birch branches was such a shock to my heart and nervous system, that it caused an adrenaline rush to surge through my blood and out my eyeballs. Okay, nothing really happened to my eyeballs, but I couldn’t sleep for four days and four nights and thought, surely, the experience had turned me into a vampire.
What is your guilty pleasure?
I can’t tell. I feel so guilty and I’m too ashamed. But man, oh, man is it AWESOME!!! WooHoo!
What is something you've never done but you would like to do?
I’ve always wanted to homestead for a year in Alaska. Just to see if I could do it. I’d like to arrive at the end of one winter, then prep like a mad woman during the summer, and then see what becomes of me through a long cold winter. I wonder: Could I kill a bear? Do I have it in me? Or at least, if I became hungry enough, could I kill my husband and eat him? I think I could probably read 83 books, write 3.6 novels, knit 27 sweaters or one big arse blanket, and curse the snow in creative ways at least a dozen times each day before lunch. Maybe I’d become so rugged I’d grow a beard and a belly and start wearing suspenders. Probably not? Oh. Well, then. Maybe I’ll pass the time yodeling. Do Alaskans yodel? Probably not.
If you could give someone one of your favorite things as a gift, what would it be and why?
One of my hand-stitched, machine-free quilts. Because the sleeping beneath is good and the dreams you dare to dream really do come true.
What is something you did that changed someone’s life?
I helped a blind man shop. But I didn’t change his life. He changed mine.
What part of your personality is now extinct?
The part that thought it was a good idea to climb out the second-story window of my friend’s house onto the roof. What a mess that was. I got stuck straddling the top of her garage.
What is one thing that you find really funny?
Really funny? Really, really, funny? A little baby kitty stuck up a tree. No, just kidding. Seriously. That’s not funny. What’s funny is TWO little baby kitties stuck up a tree. Now that’s funny! No, seriously. I’m just being silly. Sorry. *clears her throat, taps her lips with her index finger to indicate she’s thinking really, really hard* I know! One thing that’s really funny is TEOTWAWKI! That’s my final answer. If that ever happens, that would be hysterical. Just hysterical! Really. It would be, just, um. So funny. (Confused? You might want to Google it.)
Tell me one thing you love about yourself:
I love that I’m a child of God. Can’t get better than that because He’s pretty cool and I’m a huge fan.
What TV show, book or movie is most like your life?
Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Only, I’m the wimpy kid’s wimpy mom. That’s sort of the concept behind the book I am writing. Humorous mom lit. About a horrible, no good, very bad, epic fail of a mom struggling to survive the competitive mom world inside the prestigious gates of Pimm’s Academy. Imagine Bridget Jones reluctantly serving a school year in the PTA. Chapter one closes with a mom wrestling a three-foot long Chinese green water lizard while riled up, chirping crickets surround her ankles. Hey, it could happen. She was setting up for the science fair and dropped the lizard cage. This shitake happens to moms ALL THE TIME.
What is something that not many people know about you?
Hands down, in my personal life, most people do not know that I’m a writer, that I’m almost finished with my first book, and that I have a book blog. I’ve been told I “write funny emails” but whenever someone tells me I should write a book, I always laugh it off or stare at them like a deer caught in headlights. (Cliché!) I typically change the subject and ask them something random and awkward like what’s their favorite song - can they hum a few bars - or do they like meat and green peppers in their spaghetti sauce. Seriously, most people who know me in my “real” life, would probably say, “Julie? You mean, Julie, Julie bo-bulie, Banana-fana fo-fulie, Fee-Fi-mo-mulie, JULIE? Her? Oh, sure. I know her. And judging by how she spends all her free time, I’d say she aspires to drive carpools. Or maybe to do some more laundry or defrost chicken breasts. Something like that.” I suppose that (soon) I’ll have to muster up enough confidence to come out of the proverbial closet and confess to the moms in my mom circle that I’ve written a tell-all book about the mom world. BUT IT’S ALL JUST FICTION, LADIES. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. OR ME. PAY NOOOO ATTENTION TO THE SOCIAL SATIRE IN THE BOOK. IT’S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH REAL LIFE. Oh, gosh. The thought of it makes me so nervous I think I’m about to get sick. Yup! I am. I just threw up a little in my mouth. *gasps* That’s so gross. Oh, gosh. I’m so sorry, Melissa. I’ve ruined your "One Hundred Names by Cecelia Ahern" campaign with this lousy set of answers. Jumping naked into the Baltic Sea? Yodeling in rural Alaska? TEOTWAWKI?! And you were so nice to invite me to participate and now I’ve ruined it. I’ve just ruined it. Oh, dang! I wish I hadn't told everyone I once got stuck on the roof of my friend's house. *kicks the curb; stubs her toe* OUCH!
16 comments:
Melissa, it was soooo incredibly sweet of you to invite me to Merryland Girl for this really fun topic based on Cecelia Ahern's One Hundred Names book. I adore Cecelia Ahern!
I had an absolute blast answering the questions and really enjoyed cruising through your guest list to learn more about the visitors to your terrific blog!
Cheers!
"Could I kill my husband and eat him." Too funny. (Mine's to wire-y. He'd make a terrible meal.)
Your book sounds awesome and I'd love to read it. Even if I am "only" a dog-mom!
Julie, hysterical! If your book is anything like your posts, you're going to have a runaway best-seller.
And for the record, yes, I do like meat and green peppers in my spaghetti sauce. :)
OMG, Julie! You had me laughing so hard people came into my office and asked me to share the joke. It was my turn to be the deer in the headlights. LOL!
Great post! All the best with your book. I know you'll do great!
Julie, you never fail to make me laugh so hard I choke. I adore you and think you are definitely one of the funniest and most talented people I know.
this is the funniest blog post I've read this year. I swear you should have been born in the '60s,Julie. Not that I'm advocating the use of drugs, far from, but whatever you're on can I have some of it?!!! And you were worried about the friend's roof comment. I'd be more concerned about telling people I'd thrown up in my mouth! I Googled TEOTWAWK - awesome! I am going to use that! Great to learn so much more about your sense of humour and if your book is similar then it should go down a storm. Will definitely be adding it to my TBR, Sooz
I LOVE this post. This is the best guest post ever. Julie, I can't wait to read your book, this blog post alone has me clenching all my muscles to stop inadvertent and unintended (???) reactions to my belly laughs here. You are a amazing.
BTW, I want to do Alaska with you. Please may I come along? I do a fine line in yodelling, it's in my genetic makeup. HUGE thank you to Melissa for hosting you today. Rock on, ladies, rock on. XX
What a fun interview! Great questions and hilarious answers. I'm a big fan of Julie's blog!
This was so funny I was laughing out loud the whole time I was reading this post. I've met Julie through our blogs, facebook and twitter, and I can add that besides being funny she is a warm and caring person. I hope that someday we get to meet in real life. From now on I'll always think of this post when I read Julie's blog, and I know I will have to stop and have a chuckle.
Julie, these were great! Is that roof straddle on YouTube by chance? heh heh XOXO Jen Jen
Oh wow that was hilarious! Definitely brightened up a cold November morning for me!! xx
Julie, you put my upcoming post to shame! I had no idea you were writing, and now that I know both that AND how funny you are, your book will go to the top of my TBR pile!
Jackie - Ha! Ha! I'm a "dog" mom, too. I could kill and eat my husband (just need a little salt and pepper) ... but I'd NEVER kill and eat my dogs! Oh, my gosh, NO WAY would I do THAT.
Karen - Meat and green peppers? Check. I also like onions, fresh oregano, garlic - the works! Thanks for stopping by for a read. Cheers!
Elke - Nothing makes me happier than to make someone laugh. So glad I brought a smile to your face while you were at work. :)
Sam - Thrilled to hear I made you laugh. You know I couldn't write these things without you ... my lovely little zebra belly!
Sooz - Thanks for saying this was the funniest blog post you've read this year. I had a lot of fun writing it. Although, there were moments when I thought, "Um.. Maybe I shouldn't write THAT..." I wondered if anyone was going to Google TEOTWAWKI. Think of it as a homework assignment after reading the post - now you have to look up a bunch of words. :)
Nicky - Let's do it. Let's move to Alaska and perfect our yodeling. We can blog about it. Maybe start a public access TV show. I'm sure we'd be a huge hit with the Inuits. What's not to love about yodeling?
Anne - Bloggess Extraordinaire! Thanks so much for stopping in to read my guest post. I'm a huge fan of everything you do. I have Sundays marked on my editorial calendar and always pop in to see what you have to say. :)
Michelle - You are one of those wonderful people that have enriched my life so much since coming online. What a wonderful thing the social media life is - "meeting" such great people. Love sharing comments on each other's blogs as we love the same books and yes, I hope to have a cup of tea together in "real life" someday - SOON.
Jen - No, the straddling of the garage roof is not on YouTube (thank goddess!) because I'm now a mom of four kids and I would KILL THEM if I found out they did half the things I did!! Say, I can think of about 50 things from your books that I'd like to see on YouTube! The Seal concert, the ant traps ...
Nikki - So glad I brightened up your November day! You always bring a smile to my face on Fridays over Twitter with your gifts of songs. Something I look forward to every week. You're the best!
Lydia - I can't wait to read your guest post! This 100 Names idea is so great - I love reading everyone's responses. And thank you so much for placing me on your TBR pile! I am soooo incredibly flattered and hope to live up to your expectations. It is a humorous book. 2014 release. I hope you like it! Cheers, Lydia!
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