Happily ever after?

Our blog project group has once again changed by one member, but I'm still calling it Blog Project 3.0. The newest member is Darwin Shrugged, a friend of Froggie's. I recently got to know her better through "52 Stories" and I look forward to what she has to say on the upcoming topics.

This week Darwin Shrugged chose the topic: Is there such a thing as a happy ending?

First, read what everyone else had to share on this topic:
Darwin Shrugged
Froggie
Moma Rock

Any musical theater buff knows that Little Shop of Horrors has two endings. I first saw it as a movie and was thrilled to see Audrey have her wish come true, even though the last few seconds of the movie implied that a sequel could be possible. Then I saw the stage version. The ending is not so happy. Let's just say it doesn't end the same way as the movie. However, with the director's cut of the movie, you can now see this less than happy ending from the comfort of your own couch. While I know what's coming at the end of the stage version, I've still gone to see it many times. I love the music and humor and can deal with how depressing the ending is for that reason. (Well, when Seymour flubbed his lines in "Grow for Me" the last time I saw it, it was hard to not shout the line out to him, but I behaved.) Related to Little Shop of Horrors is The Little Mermaid. This is because Howard Ashman and Alan Menken did the music for both. Listen to "Somewhere that's Green" and then listen to "Part of Your World." I'll wait... Anyway, The Little Mermaid also has two endings. Disney obviously wants everyone to live happily ever after and Ariel and Eric defeat Ursula together and then King Triton lets Ariel get what she wants in the end. That doesn't happen in the original fairy tale. The mermaid fails in her mission and dies. From what I remember, she does something unselfish so she gets to be an angel instead of sea foam, but some versions have told it differently.

In any case, when it comes to fiction, I really prefer to have a happy ending. There's so much writer control involved that I don't see why every ending to every story can't be happy. It's fiction, not reality. I enjoy having an escape, knowing that Harry and Sally are going to fall in love or that Simba is going to avenge his father's death and become the true king of Pride Rock. That's all there is to it on that front. Yes, I'll see movies or read books with sad endings, but it's not the way I wish things would happen.

Reality is a whole other "story," when it comes to happy endings. The way I look at it, "happy ending" is an oxymoron. Ending means that it's over and life isn't over until you die. And what's so happy about death?!? It's as simple as that, really. It would be nice to go through life in an idealistically happy way, but death is inevitable and it's going to be a setback on the happiness path. The first time you lose someone close to you, perhaps? Or when everyone you care about has passed on before you, possibly? Who knows?!? I just think that the expectation of having a happy ending isn't in the cards if something is going to get in the way of that. I apologize for sounding cynical, but that's how it goes. Sure, I enjoy being happy and I love the people in my life. However, my hold on anyone dear to me is tenuous and I thank Hashem each day for keeping them safe and sound.

Even when we are happy with our lives and we get certain things we strive for, we still end up wanting more, which also puts a dent in what we felt made us happy before. That "more" can mean different things to different people, based on what you currently have in your life. For instance, I am still trying to seek out a more fulfilling job position where I currently work. I love where I work and the people I work with, but I sometimes feel the stuff I do is tedious and it makes my head spin. I tend to envy people who are out there making connections in the community. While I feel valued for my work and know that I'm contributing to the greater good in my own way, I still want to make more of an impact. When the right fit comes along for me there, it will happen. In some ways, it's still nice to not have overtime expectations, especially when I need to get kids from school or the babysitter, have dinner ready and have them to bed at a decent hour with some time left to pursue my own interests. Being in a higher impact job position might not allow for that as much, but again, time will tell. Overall, I'm very thankful to be working at a place that has such an effect on the community and that there isn't the usual office politics and drama that I've dealt with at past jobs. This is the longest I've ever been at one job and I plan to stay there for as long as they'll have me.

This brings me to my final thought on the topic....that we only have control of ourselves and creating our own happy endings. This does not mean to go out and get what is ideal for a happy ending, but to just love yourself, treat yourself well and make yourself happy. I read two articles recently that relate to this. The first was about habits that unhappy people tend to have. I know some of these habits describe me. The author of the post says: "It is my experience that the more positive habits you have in your life, the more emotional happiness you will experience." Pretty self-explanatory, right? I try to do things every day to make myself happy. Even if it's as simple as reading a few pages of a book I'm enjoying or listening to my favorite music. I also try to find something to laugh about every day. These positive habits get me out of slumps that I tend to get myself into when I'm frustrated, annoyed, not motivated, or just going through the motions to get through the day.

I also found an article on Huffington Post about Rashida Jones (Parks and Recreation). There was a quote from her that stood out for me and was timely in relation to this week's topic. She was discussing her frustration over how marriage is seen as an achievement for women and how they can't be happy without it.

"I had the full princess fantasy: the white horse, the whole being saved from my life, which is ridiculous. What do I want to be saved from? My life's great! But it's just this weird thing that's been hammered into my head culturally: that's the only way to succeed, that's the only thing that counts for a woman. I'm happy, but the fact that I'm not married and don't have kids – it's taken me a long time to get to a place where I actually am OK with that, where I actually don't feel like I'm some sort of loser."

This really says it all in a nutshell. I like that she admits that it took her a while to be okay with where she's at in her life and accept herself and the fact that she enjoys her life without a husband or children in it. She's created her own happy ending with this self-acceptance.

While I can't say that I am able to relate to what she's talking about, I still make it a point to stay an individual and to not let marriage and motherhood strip me of my identity. It took me a while to like who I am, considering how I was made to feel about myself by my peers when I was growing up. I met my husband after I had established an identity and felt comfortable in my own skin. I had my own life and I know he liked that about me when we first met, even though he still jokes that I "blew him off" when he asked me to go bowling on Superbowl Sunday, a few days before we actually met in person. Even now, I have my hobbies and interests that have shaped my identity a lot. I also love how people consider me the glue that has connected them with other friends (or "Six Degrees of Melissa") and how people remark about something nice I've done for them. It's only out of self-love that I am able to extend that love and caring to family, friends and beyond. To me, that is a "happy ending" in itself! Or should I call it a "happy beginning?" "Happy middle-place?" Call it what you want, in the long-run, I consider myself happy.