The Art of Forensics

I used to wear a sweatshirt that said "Forensics is Not Just Cutting Up Dead Bodies." I got a lot of questions about that shirt! However, I was always proud to announce that I was part of the speech team at my high school.

In the beginning of Freshman year, my English teacher made everyone do a creative writing piece based on "Tom Sawyer" (our assigned summer reading). I had a little too much fun with it. The next thing I knew, I had received a letter formally inviting me to join the Forensics team. My teacher had apparently liked my story enough to give it to the head coach of the team. I went to an event where people would show off their material from each individual event and then we could meet the person whose event we were most interested in. We got to learn more about the events that way. My choice that year was "Original Comedy." The piece I ended up writing and acting was amateur and didn't get me very far. However, my English teacher/coach loved it and I got a simple joy out of making him laugh. He helped me fine tune it a bit, but it still never held a candle to the material of my competitors. I didn't get to go to Regionals because of my cousin's Bar Mitzvah. I was not too happy about that. (No offense to my cousin, but I just really loved being a part of the team.)

During sophomore year, I took a class on individual events and got to try out different types of events throughout the semester. Everyone had to audition for speech team that year by reading song lyrics as verse (which is why I hate "Hotel California" so much). I ended up getting placed in Verse and had fun working on the different poems I chose to present. My favorite was "Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer" by T.S. Eliot (yes, I know it was turned into a song for "Cats," my least favorite musical). I ended up taking 3rd place at a tournament and I also got to go to Regionals that year. (Talk about a long day!) For the talent show that spring, I read "Mungojerrie..." again and my friend dressed up like a cat and did an interpretive dance while holding a real cat. It was a fun and memorable experience, to say the least.

Junior year was low key. I did Verse again but didn't win any awards. I still went to Regionals though. Senior year was the best overall. I only won at two tournaments and not really high places. I still had a blast though. My sister was on the team and I also became best friends with "Will" because of it. The only annoying part was that I was captain, but one of the girls from the team went behind my back with one of the coaches to try to take over everything. Not that I normally hold grudges, but I still resent both of them for doing so.

One of my favorite parts of going to speech tournaments was flirting. (And you thought I was going to say the nachos at Warren High School, but I hate nachos!) I was the team flirt all four years of high school. I may not have won at many tournaments, but if I got the attention of some guys and maybe scored a few phone numbers, I was on cloud nine! No one from other schools knew my "status" and I got to dress nice and wear make-up. Original Comedy was the best event for flirting (guys tended to participate more often than girls) but I still found ways to meet guys even when I did Verse. I think my coach finally picked up on all my flirting by senior year and teased me about it later. It was so much fun though!

I also enjoyed baking for the tournaments. I'd bring cookies, brownies, etc. I liked baking these big Funfetti cookies (in a pizza pan), which my coach would get addicted to sometimes. I got a little lazy during senior year and started bringing fortune cookies from work.

Going to speech tournaments meant I had to get up before the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning to ride a bus to whichever high school was hosting. I loved when our school hosted. We'd spend the Friday before (usually a day off school for some reason) preparing the classrooms and materials. Everyone worked together and we'd get pizza for lunch. I also got to use my flirting prowess even more because I knew my way around our tricky looking school and some of the guys would get lost easily. I even snuck some guys in to where the athletic department soda machines were hidden, as they were less expensive. The best thing was getting to sleep in on the Saturdays we hosted. I'd sometimes bring friends or my parents would show up. When we hosted during my freshman year, some friends and I walked all the way to McDonald's and back during the lunch break. (Back in the days when I was actually eating at McDonald's.) There were tournaments at other schools where we would go out to lunch as a team. I liked those better than the ones where we were stuck eating gross school hot lunches on a Saturday.

After I graduated, I occasionally got to help judge at a tournament. It usually happened if I was home on winter break and there was a tournament going on. I got paid $90 each time I judged, which was nice. After I graduated college, I got to judge more often. I only did this for a couple of years and then fell out of the loop when someone else took over the team. I enjoyed getting to judge and thought it was a great way to earn some extra money on weekends. I was also pretty nice to the people I judged, as I remembered how a harsh criticism could easily break my spirit or put me into a horrible mood. I think I review books in the same manner these days. :)

Overall, I have some great memories and even funny inside jokes from my speech team days. I don't know what prompted me to think of them recently, but I think that dressing up on Saturday usually triggers a memory or two. I dress up for different reasons now and I'll never be able to judge at tournaments again, unless they move them to Sundays. I hope that will be the case when my kids go to high school, if they take an interest in participating.

Final fun Forensics fact: Ian Brennan, co-writer of "Glee", competed in speech tournaments. I even saw him compete because one of my friends was performing against him and I'd go to support her.