Yours for Eternity
Adam Carver had all these ideas of what Heaven would look
like, but he didn’t imagine what he saw at this very moment. Somehow, he had been transported into his
dorm building from college, Harrison Hall. A television in the corner was
showing the Super Bowl from 1986, when the Bears last won. That was his
favorite Super Bowl memory. Apparently, the guy behind him was watching
something different on that same television because he was laughing hysterically.
Between laughs, he was trying to explain.
“Jack…just thought…Chrissy was…sleeping with Mr. Furley!” Adam hoped that this
guy wouldn’t be his roommate for eternity.
Where the dining center would have been was a food court
with his favorite junk food establishments from Dunkin’ Donuts to Sonic to Ben
and Jerry’s. He slowly inched his way to the front of the check-in line while
taking in all the sights before him. The best part was that all the girls he
laid eyes upon were gorgeous. And the radio was playing Nirvana music without
so much as a commercial or announcement in between. Of course, the guy behind
him could be listening to something completely different and he didn’t care to
know what it was.
He finally made his way to the front of the line. “Welcome
to Cloud Three!” The man sitting at the table was bald, wearing a long white
gown with wings and a halo over his head. This was almost too much to take in. Did
angels really dress this way for the fun of it? Or was this another play upon
his vision of what Heaven should look like?
“Hello? Your name, please?” The angel was waving his hand in
front of Adam’s face rapidly to get his attention. “I’d say ‘come back to
Earth,’ but that’s not really an option now, is it?”
Adam’s face turned bright red, but he managed to regain his
composure. “Adam. Adam Carver.”
“Ah, yes. I have your paperwork right here. It says you
arrived at age 36 on April 24th at 8:22 pm after a texting and
driving accident. Was anyone else with you at the time?”
“Nope.”
“Well, that’s good, at least. You would be in a much different
place otherwise if you had taken someone else down with you. “
Adam shuddered at the thought. “Thanks, I guess.”
“Would you like a mentor? Heaven is quite an adjustment,
even if it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. There are still some guidelines to
make your stay for eternity much more pleasant than it would be already. And
before I forget, do you want me to send a message to anyone so they know where
you’ve ended up?”
“Like a sign?”
“Exactly! Who should get the sign and what kind of sign
should it be? And if you’re not sure now, you can call down to the front desk
when you’ve made your decision.”
“No need to wait. I want my mother, Marianne Carver, to get
the sign and it should be in the form of extremely hard to get tickets to the
Bette Midler concert next month.”
“We can arrange that. Here are the keys to your room. We
haven’t assigned a roommate yet, but the right match for you hasn’t arrived yet
either. We prefer for all roommates to get along or to have had a connection
back on Earth.”
“Fair enough.”
“Oh, and don’t forget to take your iPad equipped with
Facebook for the Afterlife. Just keep in mind that your grandparents are most
likely not using it. However, you can look up anyone on here to find out where
to locate them, even if they don’t have an account. Only the ones who actually
have accounts will be available for friend requests.” Then he leaned in and
whispered conspiratorially “And if you need a dose of schadenfraude, you can
even see who didn’t make it into Heaven and is spending eternity in a less
desirable location, also known as ‘that other place.’”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”
***
Adam’s room was set up to his liking, with posters of his
favorite movies and bands on the wall and a large flat screen television on the
wall opposite his bed, equipped with streaming Netflix and a Wii. He was quite
literally in Heaven now. The best was the fridge, stocked with his favorite
beer and snacks, as well as a freezer full of Ben and Jerry’s cartons. He
wondered if everyone got this kind of treatment and whether he was booked for a
massage at the spa that was constantly being advertised in the building. He’d
check later, but would settle in for now. While he felt guilty for leaving his
mom and all his closest friends behind when he made that foolish decision to
text his latest conquest that he was running late, he figured that this wasn’t
a bad way to spend eternity. It could have been much worse. He remembered that
movie, Defending Your Life, where the guy was trapped in purgatory and had to
explain his actions from past situations. Adam seemed to have a quick ticket to
Heaven without having to go through any hoops first. It was-almost-too good to
be true!
After finally feeling like he was settled in, Adam switched
on his iPad to see if he could find some long lost relatives, and find out if
anyone he didn’t like ended up in “that other place.” It was relatively easy to
look up names and he was pleased to find out the guy who bullied him in grade
school and later got killed in a drunk driving accident was now in “that other
place.” He was also glad to know that his grandparents and a bunch of other
relatives were in Heaven too. He’d have to go to their buildings to visit them
soon. They’d be surprised to see him, but probably sad that he didn’t get to
live to an old age.
A pinging sound interrupted his thoughts. He saw that a
message had just come in from someone named Madison Delaney. Adam racked his
brain to see if he could remember anyone with that name, but drew a blank.
You don’t know me, but
I was wondering if you could help. There was a computer glitch when I died and
I ended up in “that other place.” I’m not supposed to be here, but no matter
how often I argue with the gatekeeper, he won’t let me out without someone to
claim that I belong in Heaven. Can you talk to one of the angels up there to
see if they can get me out of here? It really sucks. I am stuck in the office
where I had my first job and am constantly making copies of every boring
document in existence. One page at a time. Please. Do whatever you can to get
me out of here!
Adam was flustered by this message, as he didn’t know computer
glitches could really happen. He wondered how long she was stuck down there.
I’m sorry to hear
this. Has anyone else tried to help you yet? How long have you been down there?
His iPad pinged a moment later.
A few people but they
never got anywhere and gave up on me. Three years.
I’ll do my best, even
if I have to come down there myself and get you.
You won’t want to do
that. Trust me. The gatekeeper will make you jump through hoops. This is why
people keep giving up on me.
Well, hang in there
and I’ll see what I can find out from up here.
Adam then went to Madison’s page. There was a picture of a
beautiful girl with long, blond hair cascading down her back, held off her face
by a headband. She had mesmerizing blue eyes and her smile made him weak in the
knees. He’d get her out of “that other place” if it was the last thing he did.
Then again, it was eternity, so he would want to get her out sooner rather than
later. He heard another ping.
You’re the best!
XOXO So, tell me how you ended up in
Heaven? How old are you? I’m 32.
I’m 36 and I died
while texting and driving. What about you?
I drowned while learning
how to surf. Pathetic, huh?
Kudos to you for
trying. Where did you live?
I was born in Iowa,
but then my family and I moved to Hawaii. You?
I’ve lived in Chicago
my whole life.
Fun. I never even made
it out there when I lived in the Midwest.
Too bad. You would
have loved it here. I never made it out to Hawaii either, so I guess we’re
even.
True. Anyway, I have
to get back to making more copies or I’ll be stuck doing an even more menial
task. Thanks again. Hope to hear some good news soon.
Soon you won’t ever
have to make copies again. I’ll make sure of that!
It sounds easier than
it is or I would have been out of here by now.
***
The next morning, Adam went down to the main lobby to talk
to the first angel he met.
“Adam! How are you liking it here? Do you have everything
you need?”
“Things are great. Thanks. I have more than enough. I wanted
to know if you could help me though. I recently found out that a friend of mine
ended up in ‘that other place’ because of a computer glitch. Can you go down
there and get her out?”
“If I was able to get people out of ‘that other place,’ don’t
you think I would by now? People down there are always contacting my residents
to ask for help by saying that they ended up there by mistake. I found that out the hard way once, when I
liberated a guy and then later found out that he abused and neglected his pets.
I would have been ‘Head Angel,’ if not for that incident.” The angel’s previous
cheery demeanor was replaced with a scowl.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to run orientation for some new
residents. I highly suggest you attend.”
“Thanks anyway. And where is orientation?”
“The lounge on the top floor. See you in five.”
After the angel sulked off, Adam took out his iPad to shoot
off a message to Madison.
The angel won’t do it.
I’ll find another way. I promise.
Figures. One animal
abuser ruined it for all of us innocents down here.
Don’t worry. I’ll find
a way. Hang tight.
Thanks. Off to make
more copies now. Yay. :P
During orientation, Adam zoned out a lot to think of ways to
rescue Madison from a lifetime in “that other place.” He wasn’t sure if he’d be
able to go over his angel’s head to someone higher up, or if they would even
believe him. Damn that pet abuser! Well, he’s apparently not damned anymore
since he managed to trick Adam’s angel.
“Heaven to Adam.” The angel was waving his hand in front of
Adam’s face again while a few others snickered. “We’re going around saying
where we’re from, our ages, and how we got here. It’s your turn.”
“36. Chicago. Texting and driving.”
“Is that the worst way to go or what?!?”
“While you were on some other planet, we’ve established that
everyone on this floor was texting and driving. You’ve obviously done something
really good in your life to earn instant access to Heaven.”
“Well, I was a volunteer fireman and rescued several children
when no one else would go in and do it.”
“Sounds like you’ve really earned your ticket then. And that
also explains your fixation on that friend of yours in ‘the other place.’”
“Ooh! You were contacted by someone too? Those ‘other place’
people just prey upon us Heavenly people to help them out. It never happens
though. We’re supposed to block them or report them.”
Adam couldn’t fathom doing that to Madison. Perhaps if they
had both lived, they would have found a way to meet as mortals and would have
possibly fallen in love. Either that, or he was just deprived for so long that
he’d actually text someone for a booty call.
As if Madison were reading his mind, he found a message from
her when he got back to his room.
Any luck yet?
Still working on it. I
won’t let you down, no matter what anyone else says.
That’s a relief, I
suppose. If you had ended up in “the other place,” what do you think you’d be
doing?
Probably sitting
through Professor Frankel’s world history lesson. It was so boring and he just
droned on and on. He was like that teacher from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. And then he expected us to write essays
about what he was talking about and I barely took any notes because it was just
so hard to stay focused.
I can’t imagine that
being any fun. Not sure if it beats menial work in a dingy old office working
for the crankiest woman on Earth.
You’d be surprised.
Anyway, I’m going to work on my plan to get you out of there.
If you can do this, I'll be yours for eternity.
I like the sound of that....
***
After doing some research and exhausting every possibility,
Adam decided that he had to just go down there and rescue Madison himself. If
he could rescue children from burning buildings, this would be a breeze. The
gatekeeper couldn’t be all that bad, right? Maybe if he wore all white and said
he was an angel-in-training, he wouldn’t be questioned as much.
That night, he put his plan into place. The walk was longer
than he expected, and he also had to take two buses and an underground train.
However, he finally made it to “the other place.” It wasn’t hot or raging with
fire and brimstone like he expected. He peered through one of the spaces in the
wooden fence to see what was going on. People just looked miserable, stuck in
various mundane tasks. He hoped that Madison would know he was there so that she
could just leave with him. There was no turning back now. Well, he could have
turned back if he really wanted, but he came this far. He knocked on the giant door that marked the entrance
between the fences.
The door was opened by a tall and brooding man who reminded
him of a Disney villain. Perhaps Jafar? “Can I help you?” His deep voice
unsettled Adam and threw him off his game.
“Um…yes…I’m here to pick…up one…of your residents? Madison
Delaney?”
“And why would you be picking her up?”
“I was told that there was a computer glitch and that she
was supposed to be up with us in Heaven?”
“I hate to break it to you, buddy, but there is no one named
Madison here.”
“Did someone get her already?”
“She either doesn’t exist at all or she is still alive and
has yet to arrive either here or in Heaven.”
“Oh. That’s just strange. We’ve been in contact for the last
day or so.”
“Well, you could always wait for her here…since there’s no
going back to where you came from.”
“But….I’m an angel!”
“Then where are your halo and wings?”
“I’m an angel-in-training.”
“Take a look, buddy. If you were an angel, your transportation
would be waiting to take you back. Do you see your transportation now?”
Adam turned around and only saw a dark wall. He went over to
it to find an opening and hit something solid. It truly was a wall.
“Come with me. I’ll show you to your room. Your roommate is
famous for defrauding people of a lot of money. Don’t let him swindle you, even
though it sounds like you let someone else do it already.” Then the gatekeeper
let out the most horrifying laugh. It hurt Adam’s ears and he covered them
tightly until the sound faded away.
When he arrived in his new room, he was pleased to find it
empty for the time being. “Tomorrow morning, you will report to building six,
room 405, for world history with Professor Frankel.” With that, the gatekeeper
let out another horrifying laugh and walked away.
Adam turned on his iPad to send a note to Madison.
What is the deal?
The message instantly bounced back to him with an error
message: User does not exist. Adam
threw his iPad across the room, shattering the screen, and then buried his head
in his pillow and sobbed in agony of his new situation.
***
At that same moment up in Heaven, Kitty Lockhart shut off her
iPad and set it down on her nightstand. “Score one for Kitty, zero for Adam.”
Her best friend, Matilda, was lounging on the other bed,
watching reruns of My So-Called Life.
Kitty’s announcement drew her attention away from the TV. “What did you do this
time, Kit?”
Well, remember that guy who got me to fall in love with him
and then invited me to meet him in Chicago a few years ago? I got there and
called him to pick me up from the airport, but he pretended to not know who I
was. Turns out, he had met someone else and was too much of a coward to
tell me before I actually purchased a flight out to visit him. I was so upset
that I just hopped the next flight back home to Seattle. However, that flight
malfunctioned and crashed. So, if it weren’t for him being a complete tool, to
put it nicely, I would still be alive. I don’t even know how he was allowed
into Heaven in the first place. So I made sure to send him where he
truly belongs, courtesy of my ‘good friend,’ Madison.”
“Well, I hope I never get on your bad side then! I wonder if
dinner tonight will be catfish, in your honor.”
Matilda laughed to herself and went back to watching her favorite show.
Matilda laughed to herself and went back to watching her favorite show.
Kitty sat back in her bed and cracked open her favorite
James Patterson novel, a satisfied smirk on her face.
***
Chicago: May 21st,
2014
Marianne Carver wiped her eyes on her sleeve as she opened
the envelope that came in the mail, revealing a ticket to the upcoming Bette
Midler concert. “I knew he made it up there,” she whispered to herself.
1 comment:
I love this. Very creative thinking.
Post a Comment